Where the Streets Have No Name
by DreamOfTheEndless
Summary: The road to hell is paved with good intentions. Edward is firmly trapped in the hell of his making. Redemption lying just beyond his reach. Would Bella be able to be his salvation? Would she sacrifice herself to save him?
1. Chapter 1

**The story deals with adult, sensitive, and controversial subject matter. Including but not limited to suicide, mental illness, adultery, abortion, the whole nine yards. If you are disturbed by any of these issues, you probably shouldn't read this. Not meant for underage readers. Read at your own peril. And oh, Twilight belongs to SM. The plot is mine.**

**Where the Streets Have No Name**

**Chapter 1 **

**2009**

He returned home late that night, perhaps on purpose. He didn't want his daughter to see him like this; beaten and ashamed. Ella was almost five. It was unlikely she had yet developed the skill-set to read the guilt that was etched on his face for what he had tried to accomplish that day, or the shame of how miserably he had failed. Just the same, he made sure it was way past Ella's bed time when he sneaked into his own house.

He felt utterly and completely defeated. That in itself wasn't new. Feeling powerless and at the mercy of circumstances had become a way of life for him. His life might be short, but his mistakes were many.

Yet, he couldn't recall another instance when he knew so deeply in his heart what a monumental failure he was.

Not the day his dreams of grandeur were crushed to dust when his on-again-off-again girlfriend of three months told him she was pregnant.

Not the night he rushed home to find his wife in the bathtub with an empty bottle of sleeping pills lying next to it and a screaming Ella in her crib.

Not the afternoon he was told his wife had fallen into a coma and quite possibly would never wake up again.

Not even the evening he found out Ella had sickle cell anemia. And he didn't.

None of those times did he feel he had failed at his task as a man the way he had today.

Today he had failed the one person who never failed him. The person whose arms gave him comfort, whose body quenched his thirst. The only woman he ever loved.

His oasis, his refuge.

His Bella.

**AN: ****Thanks to Lulabelle98 for her mad beta work. Thanks to HeidiJoVT and Dinx for expressing interest and pre-reading a huge chunk of it. LPlover93 also has dibs. Let me know if you are still interested. Christag made the beautiful banner in spite of the difficult times. I'm most grateful. You are all amazing! **

**Oh, please review!**


	2. Chapter 2

**Chapter 2**

**2009**

He sat on the edge of his bed, waiting for her, head lowered in shame. He knew she would come to him. She always did. His room was the bubble where they led their secret second life. It had been for nearly four years now. Never hers.

His room was the farthest away from Renee's, Ella's live-in nanny; there was less risk of her walking in on them at the least opportune moment. Unfortunately, Ella's room was right next to his. She was barely a toddler when their covert affair started. But she was older now; perfectly capable of turning the doorknob and walking into his room if she felt the need for comfort after a nightmare or being awoken by mysterious noises coming from her father's room.

It was increasingly becoming a matter of concern for them. They had to be extra careful and quiet so as not to wake Ella in the middle of the night. It made him feel sadly inadequate to have to press his palm over Bella's mouth to prevent her moans of lust from escaping. There was so little he could give her. He couldn't give her his name, he couldn't hold her hand in a room full of people, and he couldn't even allow her a moment or two of unbridled, post-coital bliss.

He felt like a cad. He _was _a cad for shamelessly taking and never giving anything back.

She never complained though.

Bella.

His salvation. His soul. His secret.

She played her part with flawless perfection, unreservedly giving him everything he ever needed or asked for, never demanding anything in return.

Until now.

He recalled her stilted words, her hesitancy. She was apologetic almost. He could tell that she had raged a battle within before verbalizing her plea to him. It was time. In fact, it was long overdue. He knew it as well as she did. She had served her time in purgatory as his dirty little secret. She needed to be able to live again; she needed to be able to breathe in the clean air and laugh in the sun - with him. Was it too much to ask?

Apparently, yes.

How would he tell her that he failed in his mission? That on top of being a greedy, selfish bastard, he was a spineless coward too?

**AN: Thank you for kindly checking it out. I am blessed and honored. Thank you Lulabelle98, ****HeidiJoVT, and Dinx. Thank you goldenstorm21 for the surprise gift. I will cherish it. Thank you everyone who stood up for me today. You know who you are. From the bottom of my heart, I thank you.**

**AN2: Sorry about the late ad-on, but there's something I need to share. Someone from a FB group has asked me to join something called "The Drabble War". I am still not too clear what it entails, but basically it means the participants will all launch their drabble on the same day (next Friday). They have asked that I not post anymore chapters until then. So, in the spirit of camaraderie, I will wait till then to post ch 3. I sincerely hope you won't be too angry about this. **


	3. Chapter 3

**Where the Streets Have No Name**

**Chapter 3**

**2009**

Bella entered his room with practiced stealth that she had perfected over the years. He could hear her movements but couldn't lift his eyes to meet her gaze. He followed her in his peripheral vision instead.

She looked... exhausted, slumped. She had been that way quite a bit lately, he had noticed. Perhaps the burden of their relationship was becoming too heavy for her weary shoulders.

And why shouldn't it be? What had he really done to lessen her load?

Nothing.

Not for the first time in four years he wished he had the nobility of character to keep his distance from Bella. That he had the strength to put her well-being over his needs, _his greed._

But how could he?

How could he wither in thirst when the elixir of life lay within his reach?

How could he turn away from the willing arms that promised hope? Eager lips that showered love?

He couldn't.

He didn't.

His head dropped even lower in shame, his chin nearly touching his chest.

She came to stand in front of him, then sank to her knees so she could look up to his face. She cupped his cheeks with the gentleness that he had come to take for granted.

"Hey," she said softly. "I was so worried about you. You never come home this late. Are you okay?"

The quiet concern in her voice made him want to weep. He wasn't worthy of her. Never had been, and he was about to prove that he never would be.

How could he live without her? How would he go back to the bleak existence his life was before she ignited the fire of hope in the darkness?

When he refused to meet her eyes or utter a word, she took the initiative to draw him out of his stupor.

"Hey, look at me. What happened? Please talk to me. Did you go to see Mr. Jenks today? What did he say? Is it... is it possible at all?"

**AN: Thank you for putting up with my sudden decision re the Drabble War. Please check out the amazing stories these kickass fic-warriors are writing. You can find them in my favs. **

**Thank you ****Lulabelle98,****HeidiJoVT, and Dinx.**

**Special thanks to ****cicig_** **and** **SexylexiCullen** **for rescuing me from the evil 99 review count! You're incredibly kind for indulging my craziness. **


	4. Chapter 4

**Where the Streets Have No Name**

**Chapter 4**

**2009**

Edward finally lifted his face and looked into the beautiful depths of Bella's eyes. This was the face of love. The face of hope. And he was about to extinguish it with his cowardice.

"I did. He... he didn't really have much to offer," he said as he recalled the long and protracted meeting he had that afternoon with Jason Jenks, attorney at law.

He continued. "My case doesn't really fall within the standard mold. He said I could petition a judge. If there's a next of kin who's willing and able to serve as her medical proxy, the judge might take it into consideration.

"But, Bella, I know her family, they will _never_ cooperate. They will drag it out through the mud and make as much of a public spectacle out of it as possible. They would do everything in their power to make me look like a greedy, self-centered, bastard ..." _Like I truly am. _He couldn't bring himself to finish the statement.

"I can't... I can't risk putting Ella in the middle of it. If they find out about... about..." he couldn't finish the thought. "Bella, I can't lose her. I just can't..." Edward's voice trailed off in shame.

There was a sad frown on Bella's face, though she tried not to show it. She feared as much. After nearly four years she had a relatively good idea of how Edward's mind worked. She knew it wouldn't be easy and she wished she didn't have to put him in the defensive like this. But she found herself in a rather tight corner that didn't really afford her the luxury of going easy on him like she usually did. In fact, of the few avenues open before her, this was by far the easier one.

"I know, I know. I don't want you to go through that either, Edward. And I definitely don't want Ella to be in the middle of it," she said as she lovingly pulled him into her arms.

She loved him unconditionally. It broke her heart to see him so conflicted and lost, and to know she was the reason why he was in such pain. If it weren't for the predicament she was in, she would have willingly carried their secret to her grave. But that was not the case. She was on the clock and time was ticking away.

"How about..." she began hesitantly, hating herself for what she had to suggest. "I mean, have you spoken to him about what Dr. Marvin said? That maybe-"

"No, Bella!" Edward cut her off before she could verbalize her question. "I am _not _going to petition the court to have her feeding tube removed. I can't. She's Ella's mother. No matter what she did or what mistakes I made, I can't be responsible for her death. Not for my own... happiness.

"I'm sorry, Bella. I know you deserve better, but I can't... I just can't do _that._"

He expected her to be upset, angry even. But of course Bella surprised him like she always did. Wiping away the tears that had welled up in her eyes, she smiled at him.

Edward searched her eyes with disbelief. Could it be that she would forgive him his weakness even after this?

"It's ok, Edward. It wasn't fair of me to ask that you make decisions like that. I understand. Really." She smiled wider to assure him that she truly was ok with what he just told her. It was a lie, of course. But she had so very little time left.

_Since there's no help, come, let us kiss and part..._

**AN: I'm fighting and quite possibly losing the "Drabble War". Check out these lethal fic-warriors and their work.**

**Thank you ****Lulabelle98,****HeidiJoVT, and Dinx.**

**Thank you BelleDean for your wise input re the legal aspect. As you can see, it all flew over my head:) **

"**Since there's no help, come, let us kiss and part****" is a line from Michael Drayton's sonnet.**


	5. Chapter 5

**The story will go back in time to around 2004 from this point on until it catches up to 2009. Then the narrative will start to move forward again. I won't mark every single chapter with a timestamp after this. Let me know if anyone finds it too confusing.**

**Where the Streets Have No Name**

**Chapter 5**

**Going back five years...**

Edward finished his shift at six, but unlike the other days when he would rush home to care for his infant daughter and clinically depressed wife, he decided to hit the corner bar to drown his sorrows. He was rapidly reaching the end of his rope and didn't know which way to turn to keep it all together.

Their fight the night before was the last straw. The heated words and Carmen's sobbing face swirled before his eyes as he signalled the barkeep to refill his glass.

He was bone weary, and not just from the 12 hour shift he just worked. He was tired of Carmen's daily hysteric fits, of constantly worrying whether Ella was being fed and changed in his absence, and above all, whether his wife had once again fired the nanny or not. They were on their third already, and Ella wasn't even six months yet. After what he had witnessed the night before and the general trend of events over the last few months, his conviction had solidified that it wasn't safe to leave Ella alone with Carmen.

His in-laws in New Jersey were hardly of any help. Other than vocally blaming him for all of Carmen's woes, they never lifted a finger to ease things for the couple. His own parents from Illinois, despite their disappointment, provided money and concerned phone calls. They even asked him to consider moving back to Chicago so they could play a more active role in caring for Ella. But Carmen was reticent. She wouldn't hear of a move. She had some kind of an insatiable need to prove to the world that she could do it on her own. That she _was _a good mother. Her failures only fuelled her stubborn mission rather than dissuade her.

As he lifted the third... or fifth round of Jack Daniels to his lips, he wondered how he had managed to screw things up so thoroughly, so fast.

He knew he should go home. Ella needed him, and whether she liked to admit it or not, Carmen needed him too. After all, he did give her his word that he would be there for her every step of the way.

For Ella. For Carmen.

He promised her she wouldn't have to change her life for the baby. That everything would work out just fine.

He had thought he was doing the honorable thing when he asked Carmen to marry him.

He had thought he was doing the right thing when he went out on a limb to convince her that she should keep the baby. Why wouldn't she, when she had the father of the baby ready and able to support them? Wasn't that what all women wanted? To have a loving home, a doting husband, and 2.5 kids?

How could he be so wrong?

**AN: There's no doubt I'm heading to be the casualty of the "Drabble War". Hehe! I'm nowhere near finished! Check out the stories by the lethal fic-warriors. Some are actually complete already.**

**Thank you ****Lulabelle98, HeidiJoVT, and Dinx.**


	6. Chapter 6

**Where the Streets Have No Name**

**Chapter 6**

**Night at the bar continues...**

A few known faces from the hospital stopped by his table to exchange greetings. He was popular among the nurses, even though the word on the street was the young resident didn't so much as flirt with the opposite sex since he hurriedly tied the knot last year.

He smiled mechanically and fist bumped with fellow residents, but politely refused to join them for a blow out at one of their homes.

He continued to wash down the drinks, ignoring the internal warning bells that told him that he would be in no shape to get up for Ella when she woke up at night, or for work the next day. For once he didn't want to care. For once he didn't want to be the responsible parent. Didn't he deserve to be spoiled a little too? Hadn't he sacrificed enough?

Carmen wasn't the only one whose plans got unexpectedly crumpled by Ella's arrival. He gave up his dreams too. When would it be his turn to vent and complain?

He gave up on the prestigious residency at Lenox Hill, rarely offered to someone in such an early stage of their career, the day he signed their marriage license. Born and raised in New Jersey, Carmen had had enough of New England's charm and categorically refused to move back to the east coast. He didn't complain or push her to change her mind. Appeasing Carmen and ensuring her life was impacted as little as possible by their marriage and Ella's birth was higher up on his priority list.

Not that it seemed to amount to much. Nothing did. No matter what he did, it proved to be the wrong move. Sitting at the dark corner of the bar, looking for the answers to his woes at the bottom of the bottle, he had to question the merit of his decisions since the day Carmen came to him a year ago to borrow eight hundred dollars.

Part of him wished he had just handed her the cash without asking any questions.

Part of him wanted to slit his own throat for even considering such blasphemy.

**AN: Check out the stories by the warrior ficsters of Drabble War. They are all complete.**

**Thank you ****Lulabelle98, HeidiJoVT, and Dinx.**


	7. Chapter 7

**Starting from this chapter, we are going back another year into the past to around 2003. I won't mark every single chapter with a timestamp unless absolutely necessary. Let me know if it's posing a problem.**

**Where the Streets Have No Name**

**Chapter 7**

**As things began...**

The fateful day Carmen came to him to borrow some money began like any other. He stayed up late the night before to celebrate his acceptance into a residency program at Lenox Hill. Unsurprisingly, he woke up in his bed the next morning with only minutes to spare before he had to show up for his rotation.

The pressure of med school was finally letting up, or he was getting used to it. He had great aptitude for his chosen discipline and earned his professors' confidence without much difficulty. He worked his ass off in college and high school and successfully managed to shave off two solid years in his run to become a doctor. And he was _this _close to achieving his goal too.

The carefully chalked out plan was about to bear fruit and he was a happy boy as he bounded down the stairs to get to his car. However, he slowed down as he reached the parking lot and spotted Carmen sitting on the curb near his car.

He met Carmen, a journalism major, three months ago when she came to the hospital to make a video for a class project. Edward was trailing his resident supervisor along with three other students from his class when she boldly introduced herself and requested to interview the doctor. She came ready with credentials and presented the permission letter she had obtained from the hospital administrators. She got her interview, as well as a dinner date the following weekend with Edward. Truth be told, the moment her sultry gaze fell upon his chiseled good looks, she had eyes for no one else.

However, their relationship wasn't what legends were made of. Carmen was exotic, passionate, and beautiful with a burning ambition to someday be the next Diane Sawyer or Katie Couric. She was creative, articulate, and more than capable of making clever conversation, but Edward failed to find in her the connection he someday hoped to form with a life mate. She also proved to have a volatile temperament, which Edward discovered after he casually suggested that they cool things off and maybe see other people at the end of their last date.

He hadn't seen her since their heated parting of ways. She looked exhausted as she slouched on the curbside with smudged make-up and wrinkled clothes. This gave Edward a pause. Appearance was important to Carmen. During their short run of courtship, he had never seen her looking anything less than impeccable.

"Carmen, hey," Edward greeted as he came to stand in front of her. "What's up? Are you waiting for me?"

**AN: The "War" is over! Check out the stories by the warrior ficsters have written. All except mine are complete.**

**Thank you ****Lulabelle98, HeidiJoVT, and Dinx.**


	8. Chapter 8

**Where the Streets Have No Name**

**Chapter 8**

Carmen slowly stood up and looked at him hesitantly.

"Yah... I was kinda hoping I'd be able to catch you before you left for your rotation." She fidgeted for a few moments, not meeting his eyes.

"Uh... ok, you found me. What can I do you for?" Edward tried to lighten the mood. He didn't get the clingy-stalker vibe from Carmen, but he wasn't by any means an expert in sizing people up. He liked Carmen and hoped they could stay on amicable terms, but he didn't have any wish to revisit the verbal mud slinging their last encounter devolved into.

"Edward, I need a... favor," she said. "I... I really hate to bother you like this, but I was wondering... if maybe you could lend me some money."

Edward was taken aback. Of all the things he was mentally checking off to speculate on Carmen's reasons to show up on his door step, hitting him up for a loan wasn't one of them. From what he knew, Carmen came from a fairly well to do family in Edison, New Jersey. She didn't seem to be struggling to make ends meet while they dated. But then, he never really inquired deeply about her background or financial situation. Was she into drugs? Prescription narcotics perhaps? Could it be the reason why she wanted to date a med student? He didn't afford the kind of trouble he might get into if it came to light that he had transactions with junkies. But presently, it might be the fastest way to get rid of her.

"Uh... how much?" he asked with a frown.

"Eight hundred. I... I will pay you back over the next few months, don't worry. I'm sorry to trouble you, but..." She took a deep breath and closed her eyes as if to collect her thoughts.

"Listen, Edward. I know this is weird. But I need the cash, the whole amount pretty soon. Can you help me, or not?" she asked with a sharp edge to her voice. Much of the uncertainty that was evident just moments ago was gone from her demeanor.

**Thank you ****Lulabelle98, HeidiJoVT, and Dinx.**

**Reviews are greatly appreciated:)**


	9. Chapter 9

**Where the Streets Have No Name**

**Chapter 9**

Edward considered the amount. It wasn't pocket change; he didn't have that much cash on his person. But he could take it out from an ATM. It wasn't an exuberant amount for him. His parents were affluent enough to make sure he didn't suffer undue stress while working through school. He could afford it.

However, would it not be irresponsible of him to just give her the money and wash his hands of the matter? After all, she could be in trouble with the mob. Or any number of shady characters she tried to engage as "informants" for her journalism projects. It went against his grain to be a willfully ignorant spectator and allow a friend come to harm.

He was torn. Carmen was looking at him expectantly for his response, and now he was decisively late for his rotation.

"Hop in, we'll swing by an ATM." He signalled Carmen toward the passenger side as he jumped into his car and drove to the nearest ATM.

The short drive was silent, but he tried to observe Carmen through his peripheral vision to spot any symptoms of drug use or withdrawal. She was uncharacteristically unkempt and kept chewing on her fingernails nervously, but that didn't conclusively prove or disprove his theory.

He parked the car in a mall parking lot and walked to an ATM to retrieve the money he had promised Carmen, leaving her alone in the car. For a second, he wondered about the chances of her absconding with his prized possession; his beloved silver Volvo, a gift from his father. But she was still there when he came back with the cash.

He climbed back in and sat on his side of the car quietly for a few seconds. Carmen was looking at him impatiently, eyeing the envelope he was holding in his hand.

"I will lend you the money, Carmen. But I've got to know, what do you need it for?" Edward asked cautiously. "Is everything okay with you? I know it's none of my business, but we are friends. At least, I still consider you my friend. If you are in some kind of trouble, I want you to know that you can trust me. I'll do my best to help in any way I can."

Carmen sat frozen for a few moments, as if his kindly spoken words had struck her to stone.

Edward carefully reached for her hand and squeezed it gently. His touch of concern seemed to have unleashed a floodgate within her. Carmen's face contorted into a mask of agony as she began to weep uncontrollably.

"Hey, hey. It's okay, Carmen," Edward said, trying to soothe her. He was getting more alarmed by the second. She was clearly in a lot of trouble, and he wasn't really sure if he was in any position to help her.

"What's wrong, baby?" he attempted again, Instead of calming her, his words seemed to distress her even more.

Finally, when she was able to form coherent words, she stammered out her confession, "I'm... I'm pregnant, Edward..."

**Thank you ****Lulabelle98, HeidiJoVT, and Dinx.**


	10. Chapter 10

**Where the Streets Have No Name**

**Chapter 10**

_I'm pregnant._

It was Edward's turn to be in a paralytic stupor.

_This is a nightmare. I'm still sleeping in my bed. I just had too much to drink last night that whacked my brain-chemistry totally off track. _

_I need to wake up. God, please let me wake up. I promise, I will never touch alcohol again._

God didn't seem to be in the vicinity. But Carmen was. Seeing Edward withdraw into a state of fugue drew her out of her own, and she began to unburden her soul to him.

She had come to learn of her condition five weeks ago. All four pregnancy tests she took and the doctor she saw confirmed it. This spelled disaster for her future. She wasn't ready to be a single parent. She had to terminate the pregnancy, and she had to do it quickly.

Her insurance covered the procedure, but she didn't want any paper trail to link her to this. As a journalism major, she knew all too well how past records could be dug up and how someday they might come back to haunt you. However, paying out of pocket would completely topple her carefully budgeted life. Turning to her parents was, of course, out of the question. She had rearranged her personal finances and cut corners wherever she could, but what she had managed to save wasn't nearly enough.

Thus, reluctantly, she was forced to turn to Edward. She had hoped she could borrow the money from him. Or, since he was a med student, if he happened to have friends in the profession who could be trusted to perform the procedure with discretion - preferably for a discount - and off the record, perhaps he could hook her up with them.

"So... will you help me, Edward?" she asked in the end, and looked at his face beseechingly. Her eyes were still puffy from her earlier outburst with mascara tracks running down her face. She looked pitiful and lost.

Looking at her face, it began to dawn on Edward that his masterfully planned life was about to go very awry. Though he couldn't possibly have guessed the full extent of it.

**Thank you****Lulabelle98, HeidiJoVT, and Dinx.**


	11. Chapter 11

**Where the Streets Have No Name**

**Chapter 11**

"Is it mine?" was the first thing Edward asked once he regained his wits to a certain degree, though he was still far from being anything resembling calm and collected.

Edward couldn't be sure - and only in hindsight would he wonder how he could have overlooked something so telling - but he thought he saw a flicker of uncertainty in her eyes. But then Carmen nodded, looking indignant that Edward would even ask her something like that. Of course he was the father. Why else would she turn to him if he wasn't the culpable party?

Edward was trying hard to process the explosive piece of information that Carmen had just set off in his world.

He was going to be a father.

_Shit._

_Fuck._

_Shit._

_I'm not ready for this._

_How can this be? _

He knew for certain that he used protection every time he had had sex with Carmen. He couldn't recall a single instance of experiencing a broken condom scare. Although, he had to admit, at least a few of their date nights ended in alcohol binges whereby neither could remember too clearly the order of events that had transpired the night before. But even then, Carmen was supposed to be on the pill.

_How the hell could this happen?_

"I don't fucking know, alright? You're the med student, you tell me!" Carmen said, and only then did he realize that he had verbalized his confusion out loud.

He nodded his head in a gesture of what he hoped was sympathetic understanding. It didn't matter how, what mattered was that she was pregnant, and he had to get his act together really fast and figure out what to do about it.

Though Carmen seemed to have a working plan in place already.

**Thank you ****Lulabelle98, HeidiJoVT, and Dinx.**


	12. Chapter 12

**Where the Streets Have No Name**

**Chapter 12**

Suddenly the confines of the car seemed stifling to him. He felt claustrophobic. He frantically began to lower the window to get more oxygen inside the car, but his lungs seemed incapable of pulling in enough of it to relieve the pressure that was building inside his skull.

His palms were getting moist with sweat. He was beginning to hyperventilate. The rational part of his brain, the part that was still functioning, diagnosed the symptoms as the early onset of a panic attack.

He needed to get out of the car.

And that's exactly what he did. Without sparing a glance to Carmen or a word of warning, he sprang out of the car, leaving the door to swing on its hinge.

He began pacing the length of his car as he tried to calm his nerves so he could breathe in enough oxygen to reactivate his brain. Thankfully, the weekday morning left the mall fairly deserted and there weren't too many cars parked in the lot. So, when he looked up to the sky and screamed "Fuck!" it didn't cause too many heads to turn his way.

He ran his hand through his typically untamed hair and pulled them by the root, as if tearing them out would somehow magically uproot all of his problems and make them disappear.

A baby.

_His _baby.

_What the fuck?_

He didn't ask for this.

He didn't _want _this.

Yet he was right at the center of this maelstrom regardless of his wish.

He was _so _close to touching the hallowed ground of his dream; a baby would ruin everything.

It wasn't fair.

How could he be so stupid? How could Carmen be so stupid?

How could he let this happen?

His parents would be so disappointed in him.

What on earth was he going to do?

**Thank you ****Lulabelle98, HeidiJoVT, and Dinx.**

**This weekend, I realized the futility of trying to reply to reviews with daily updates. I will reply to them once a week. I hope you'll still review just the same:) Much love!**


	13. Chapter 13

**Where the Streets Have No Name**

**Chapter 13**

As he paced, Edward thought of his own childhood and his loving parents. Carlisle and Esme Cullen raised him with liberal values and plenty of compassion. They had also instilled in him their own worldview: babies were precious; they were a blessing. Even if ill timed and unexpected.

He recalled the day his parents brought home his baby sister from the hospital. He was just four, but he remembered how happy his mother was, and how proud his father looked. The short bout of jealousy Edward experienced as he transitioned from being an only child to a big brother was effectively smoothed over when his mother told him what an important gift Alice was to them all, and how fortunate they were to be in the receiving end of God's generosity that he found them deserving of such a reward.

Edward himself was born when Carlisle was still in medical school; in almost exactly the same place as Edward was now. Granted, his parents were married at the time, but by all accounts, they were nowhere near ready to welcome a baby into their lives any more than he was. But they made it work. And so could he.

Carmen wanted to terminate the pregnancy, but that had to be because she was scared and felt she was alone in the game with no one to support or care for her. She surely would not consider such an extreme solution if she thought she had other options. And what was he doing to make her feel otherwise? Here he was, melting the asphalt, not considering once what Carmen had to be going through.

A baby would change everything; his upcoming residency, his hopes to join MSF for a year, every aspect of his life would have to be reevaluated. But whatever complication it might bring into their lives, the baby didn't deserve their derision and anger. He or she was blameless, who deserved nothing less than unconditional love from them, like Edward had received from his own parents.

So lost in his thoughts he was that he didn't notice Carmen emerge from the car and hesitantly approach him.

"Edward," she started in a small voice. "I'm sorry to spring this on you out of the blue, and I understand that you are upset, but it's not your problem. Just give me the money and you can forget the last twenty minutes even happened."

**Thank you ****Lulabelle98, HeidiJoVT, and Dinx.**


	14. Chapter 14

**Where the Streets Have No Name**

**Chapter 14**

Edward carefully contemplated Carmen's suggestion. Could he really hand over the money and erase the events of this morning, carrying on with life like it had never happened?

No he couldn't.

"I don't think I can do that, Carmen," Edward said. Then realizing that his words might be confusing to her, he added, "I can't forget about this."

He looked at Carmen with new eyes and truly saw her for the first time. The knowledge he now shared changed his perspective on things quite dramatically. She was no longer the casual lay, the hot girl he managed to tap, the notch on his belt. She was the mother of his child; the woman he would be irrevocably bound to for the rest of his existence. She was afraid and alone, and didn't have anyone else to turn to.

It was his job to prove her wrong. It was his duty to make her feel safe and wanted. For the sake of his unborn child, who deserved a chance to live.

A sense of certainty settled upon him as he came to the decision that would change their lives forever. He knew what had to be done, and he would do it.

His priorities in life would have to be readjusted. The moment he had come to learn of Carmen's pregnancy, his world shifted on its axis in favor of the baby her body housed. That child, and by extension Carmen, came before all else now; his plans for a bright career, his dreams to travel the globe, and even his hope to find the love of his life someday.

He took a step to close the distance between him and Carmen and reached out to take both her hands in his. Keeping his eyes locked on hers, he sank down to his knees in front of her.

He didn't have a ring, so words would have to do.

He didn't love her, but maybe he would someday.

He swallowed back his fears and forced out all other thoughts from his mind.

Carmen looked confused as she looked down on him. She furrowed her brows as she tried to make sense of his actions. She didn't have to try for long.

"Marry me, Carmen."

**Thank you****Lulabelle98, HeidiJoVT, and Dinx.**


	15. Chapter 15

**Where the Streets Have No Name**

**Chapter 15**

Edward didn't know what he expected Carmen's reaction to be, but he was surprised to find himself at the receiving end of her anger.

As soon as the meaning of his words sank in, she snatched away her hands from Edward's and spat out a slew of expletives.

"Are you fucking kidding me? Have you gone mad? You think marriage will fix this... this problem? And here I thought you were smart!

"I came to you for a loan, Edward; not to be 'saved' by you. I don't need your platitude, and I won't enable you to satisfy whatever fucking hero complex you may have.

"So, fuck off!"

Edward slowly stood up. He was somewhat familiar with Carmen's wrath; he had encountered it one time before. He knew that once unleashed, there would be no reasoning with her. He didn't want to upset her. It wasn't good for someone in her condition.

"Carmen, sweetie, please calm down. I don't mean to sound condescending or... insane. I just want you to see that you are not alone in this. Yes, you caught me off guard, and yes, I probably reacted like an ass, but... but we could make this work, you and I.

"I know it's not ideal, but you have me. You can't... you shouldn't make such a drastic decision without weighing out all your options first, that's all," he said soothingly, and hoped Carmen would respond to his logic.

She stared back at him incredulously. "Last time we met you said you didn't see a future with me. And now you are ready to rent a tuxedo? Just 'cause I'm pregnant? No thank you, Edward. I may be strapped for cash, but I have my pride. So, just... just give me the money or drop me off downtown. I don't have time for this bull shit."

With that, she marched back to the passenger's side of the car and slammed the door shut behind her. She pointedly looked at Edward, daring him to defy her.

**Thank you ****Lulabelle98, HeidiJoVT, and Dinx.**

**I just finished reading We Need to Talk About Kevin. Have any of you read that book? What did you think? Some aspects of Eva made me think of Carmen. Don't worry, Ella has absolutely nothing in common with Kevin:)**


	16. Chapter 16

**Where the Streets Have No Name**

**Chapter 16**

"We don't have to get married, Carmen. I'll support you and the baby no matter what," Edward broke the silence in the car as he drove them toward the downtown area. He called in sick for his rotation before leaving the parking lot, sensing that he shouldn't leave Carmen's side while she was so distraught, or until they had managed to reach some kind of consensus with regard to the baby.

"I'll be done with school in less than a year. I'll have a job and make a decent salary. Plus, I'm sure my parents will help. I can make it work. Please, just think about it, okay?"

"No." She shook her head.

"Why not? I know things aren't perfect for us, but... but it's not so bad either that you should consider aborting our baby..."

"What? You're a bible-thumping, pro-lifer now? Jesus!" Carmen spoke with clear derision. "I'm not ready to bring a baby in this world, so I'm evil? Is that it? Well, I've got news for you, Edward; it's my body, it's my decision. So stop with all the pressure tactics, okay?"

"No, no! Of course not. I am not trying to pressure you here, or judge you," Edward tried to protest. "I just think it will be wrong for us-"

"There is no 'us', Edward," Carmen interrupted him. "There's just _me_. This is _my_ problem. And _I'm _the one who needs to fix it. So, please just stop with whatever it is that you are trying to do here."

"That's where you are wrong, and that's all I'm trying to tell you, Carmen. It doesn't have to be just your responsibility. You have me. I'll take care of you, both of you. Just hear me out before you do something that you might regret later.

"Give me an hour, give me thirty minutes; just hear me out. Please."

Edward looked at her pleadingly, hoping she wouldn't shoot him down simply out of spite.

After a whole minute of staring out the window, Carmen finally gave a quick jerk of head.

"You have thirty minutes."

**Thank you ****Lulabelle98, HeidiJoVT, and Dinx.**

**FYI, all remarks on pro Vs. choice debate strictly belong to these characters. **


	17. Chapter 17

**Where the Streets Have No Name**

**Chapter 17**

Carmen picked an upscale, art-deco cafe downtown as the venue where Edward could make his case. He paid for their order - regular black for him, double-shot latte for her - and followed Carmen to a relatively isolated table away from the other customers.

When Carmen picked up her latte, he considered remarking how she needed to cut down on her caffeine intake, but was struck dead on his track by her deadly glare. Nothing was set in stone. She hadn't bought on to his sales pitch yet. He needed to pick his battles carefully.

"You have thirty minutes," she said once they were seated, facing each other.

Edward took a deep breath then laid out his grand plan before her. He knew the impromptu marriage proposal was a stretch. Secretly, he was a little relieved that Carmen had shot him down.

That matter aside, he still felt they could raise a baby together. Divorced parents shared custody all the time. So could they. He would support her financially, emotionally, and in real time by actively caring for the baby so Carmen could rest. Yes, both their lives would be impacted, but he would do everything in his power to make sure her future plans took the minimum hit.

They could move to a bigger place, together or just her. He would pay for it, of course.

The pregnancy might have been unwelcome, but their baby didn't have to be.

Was it not worth considering at least?

Carmen's face remained impassive. Her eyes stared into empty space as Edward spoke.

"I got short listed to be the weekend co-anchor at UWTV," Carmen said finally in a flat voice. "This is it; my first break. They won't hire a pregnant whale. I may never get another chance like this."

Edward could sympathize with her predicament and it reminded him of the acceptance letter from New York that was sitting on his desk at home. He had completely forgotten about Lenox Hill. What would he do? Would Carmen be willing to relocate across the country? Could he even ask that of her? In either case, this clearly wasn't the right moment to bring it up. With a heavy sigh, he filed away his problems to deal with later.

His focus needed to be on Carmen's troubles right now, not his.

**Thank you ****Lulabelle98, HeidiJoVT, and Dinx.**


	18. Chapter 18

**Where the Streets Have No Name**

**Chapter 18**

"Are you sure you are even obligated to inform them about your pregnancy? And if they do hire you, they can't just fire you for being pregnant."

"Yes they can, Edward," Carmen raised her voice in irritation. "They can fire me without citing a cause when I'm on probation. Are you being dense on purpose?"

Edward didn't know how to field this attack. He looked around helplessly and then made a terrible mistake.

"It's just a job, Carmen. You'll find another one. This is a baby we are talking about; our baby. How can you even compare the two?"

He knew he should have chosen his words more wisely the moment they left his mouth. The fury in Carmen's eyes confirmed that.

"'Just a job'? My life, my dreams, is _just _a side show now? How dare you?" She spat out the words as she stood up to leave, bringing their meeting to an end. Edward was out of line and out of time.

He cursed himself for stupidly sticking his foot in his mouth.

"Carmen, please, I'm sorry. I didn't mean that," he pleaded, looking chastised and ashamed. "Please, sit down, just... just talk to me, okay. I apologize for... sounding like an idiot, I should have worded it better.

"Just, don't leave like this..."

Carmen looked around uncertainly. Their disagreement didn't go unnoticed by the morning crowd. There were a few customers who were giving them curious looks. Carmen weighed out her options. She was fairly certain Edward would pursue her if she tried to leave, causing an even bigger scene. Under the circumstances, she wasn't particularly interested in inviting that kind of attention to herself.

She wished she had picked a more private place for this conversation, but it was too late now. Begrudgingly, she conceded to a truce and sat down, though she stubbornly refused to look at Edward.

"Thank you," Edward said gratefully.

"I'm giving you five minutes, then I am leaving one way or another. So, get on with your spiel," Carmen responded heatedly.

**Thank you ****Lulabelle98, HeidiJoVT, and Dinx.**

**Important AN *PLEASE READ*: This morning I got a PM from a reviewer, informing me that she will no longer review because she had received a number of scathing private messages from other readers in response to her review of chapter 17 of WtSHNN. This is very disheartening. I know how sensitive the "Life Vs. Choice" issue is. But please, as mature and tolerant adults, be respectful to those whose philosophy in life does't perfectly align with yours. I love hearing from you all. Feel free to direct your emotions, feelings, concerns to me. Don't send hate mail/PMs to other readers. Let's keep in mind that even though I have drawn heavily from real life events, WtSHNN is a work of fiction. **

**On a secondary note, only a tiny fraction of those who read bothers to review. For WtSHNN, the hit to review ratio is less than 5%. I am not a BNA. I don't routinely get a zillion reviews. My reviewers are not a faceless mass of anonymous statistics to me. Each and every instance I hear from you is precious. So losing even one of you is heartbreaking. **

**I am humbly asking every single person who is reading this note, regular reviewers and lurkers alike, to kindly click on the review button and let me know that you are on board with my request. Don't worry, I am not asking that you review every chapter from now on. Just this one time. If you dislike me or this story and don't want to contribute in any way to buff up the review count, send me a PM. You don't have to write anything profound or flattering. A simple "Gotcha" will do. But please, I need to know that nobody else will be hurt as a result on this story. **

**Thank you. **


	19. Chapter 19

**Where the Streets Have No Name**

**Chapter 19**

Edward nodded. He needed to think fast. He needed to convince Carmen that the difficulties presented by her pregnancy would be worth weathering. He opened and closed his mouth a few times. His mind was drawing a blank.

Finally, he went with his instinct. He took out the envelope from his pocket that held the money and placed it on the table. Then he put his right hand, palm up, next to it.

"Carmen, I know you think you don't have a choice. I want you to see that you do. You can take this money and go through with the abortion. You are right; it is your body, and it will always be your decision. That would be the easy way, I admit.

"Or you can take my hand and be with me. We will take the difficult path, but we will go through it together. It will be hard on us both. We will have to give up things that we always wanted and maybe put our plans on hold for a while. But you will have me, Carmen. Every step of the way. You'll never be alone. I promise."

Edward looked up at Carmen expectantly when he finished speaking. Carmen was gazing at the wall instead of meeting his eyes, but he could see the tension in her joints, in the way she clutched her purse and in the set of her jaw.

A minute passed by. Then two.

Carmen's lack of response made Edward wonder if she even heard a word he had said.

"Carmen," he spoke softly, hoping to engage her attention.

She turned her head to look at him. There was fire in her eyes - and bitterness - with tears brimming in the corners that he knew Carmen wouldn't allow to well past her eyelids. She was stubborn that way. Her face was inscrutable.

He smiled at her reassuringly.

_Please don't choose the envelope, _he silently prayed.

Carmen stood up without a word.

She reached out her hand and picked up the envelope, ignoring his hand frozen in supplication.

She walked out of the cafe, leaving Edward behind.

She didn't look back.

**Thank you ****Lulabelle98, HeidiJoVT, and Dinx.**

**From the bottom of my heart, I thank you for the out pour of responses to my request. You all rock! I love you all. **


	20. Chapter 20

**Where the Streets Have No Name**

**Chapter 20**

Edward sat frozen in his chair long after Carmen's departure. He felt like he had failed a big test that would send his overall GPA to be pummeled to the ground. Staring into space, he tried to make sense of the events of the morning. The array of emotions battling for space in his mind was overwhelming. In a short span of time he had gone from finding out that he had fathered a baby to losing it.

In essence, _nothing _had changed.

Yet, he couldn't shake the feeling that _everything _had.

He was distraught and disappointed, but he couldn't be certain why that was so.

Could he really love a fetus he didn't even know existed two hours ago? Why was he trying so hard to make Carmen change her mind? Why was it suddenly so important that he did everything he could to prolong the existence of the lump of tissue that wasn't even visible to the naked eye? Was it just because it carried his DNA? Could biological imperative really be so strong that he was ready to sacrifice his own dreams, and Carmen's too, just to see his genetic footprint propagate?

Reason held that Carmen's solution was the most logical one. Neither of them was ready for the kind of change an unplanned pregnancy would wrought.

He was being a sentimental fool.

Those were the thoughts he kept repeating in his mind when he eventually dragged himself back to his place. There was no point showing up at work. He had called in sick already.

He spent the day in a melancholic haze, sitting on the floor of the living room until his roommate, Riley, came home.

The next few days flew by fast. He threw himself into work, staying past his shift for as long as his physical and mental acuity allowed. He tried his best to forget about Carmen and the turbulent morning they shared. It shouldn't be hard, he reasoned; it was unlikely he would ever see her again.

A week from the day, as Edward was about to crash for the night, there was a knock on the door. Riley was spending the night with his girlfriend and Edward wasn't expecting anyone. Cursing under his breath for the thoughtlessness of unannounced, late-night visitors, he opened the door to find a very nervous Carmen.

Edward didn't know how to greet her. What did she want? The baby had to be long gone by now. Why did she make the trek this time of the night to come to him?

Carmen spoke before he could articulate any of his thoughts.

"Did you mean it? Were you serious when you said... you'll be there for _us_?"

**Thank you ****Lulabelle98, HeidiJoVT, and Dinx.**


	21. Chapter 21

**The story deals with adult, sensitive, and controversial subject matters. Including but not limited to suicide, mental illness, adultery, abortion, the whole nine yards. If you are disturbed by any of these issues, you probably shouldn't read this. Not meant for underage readers. Read at your own peril. And oh, Twilight belongs to SM. The plot is mine.**

**Where the Streets Have No Name**

**Chapter 21**

Edward didn't quite grasp the significance of her words at first. But after a moment or two it began to settle on him.

_Us._

_She said "us"._

_Does that mean...?_

He felt confused. He was beginning to come to grips with Carmen's decision over the past week. Just as he was about to accept the inevitable, he was suddenly thrown into the whirlpool again.

Was it relief he felt? Or was it fear?

He didn't know.

He felt it was a terrible injustice to be given this period of lull only to be pushed into the middle of a battlefield.

Carmen was looking at him expectantly, as if she was waiting for him to say something. He couldn't recall her question.

"Huh?" he said stupidly.

"You said... you said that if I kept the baby you'll be there, that you'll help me raise it. Did you mean it?" she restated her question.

"Uh... yah... I mean yes, I meant it. But Carmen, what are you saying? Didn't you... didn't you... I mean, haven't you...? Edward was a jumbled mess of incoherency.

"Look, I know it's late, and I'm sorry for dropping by without calling first, but can I come in? I don't want to have this conversation on your doorstep," Carmen asked.

Edward slapped himself mentally.

"Yes, of course. Please come in." He moved away from the doorway so Carmen could walk past him.

She had been to his place before, but she looked really uncomfortable as she entered the living room.

Guessing the reason behind her discomfort, Edward volunteered, "Riley isn't here. He's at his girlfriend's. No one will eavesdrop, don't worry."

This seemed to ease some of the strain from her face, but she chose to keep standing.

They stood face to face as Edward watched for any sign of change in Carmen. She looked almost the same as she did last week. A little disheveled, a little tired.

Edward realized that Carmen hadn't confirmed anything yet.

"So...?" He let the word trail into a question.

"I couldn't do it," Carmen began hesitantly. "You were right. A job can't compete with this," she said as she placed her hand on her abdomen.

Edward followed the movement of her hand as it came to rest on Carmen's midsection.

The full impact of the realization hit him with the force of a freight train.

He was going to be a father after all.

**Thank you ****Lulabelle98, HeidiJoVT, and Dinx.**

**A special thanks to Lulabell75 (not to be confused with lulabelle98, my magnificent beta!) for being the 1000th reviewer! Holy smokes! Yay!:) Thank you, sweetheart. You absolutely made my day! **


	22. Chapter 22

**Where the Streets Have No Name**

**Chapter 22**

Edward took a step closer to Carmen, then cautiously extended his hand to lay it on top of hers.

There was life within her.

Part him.

He knew it was too early to feel for a heartbeat, but that didn't matter, he could sense it.

This wasn't supposed to happen like this. The order of things were all wrong. He should be older, further up the hierarchy in his career, and madly in love with the woman of his dreams.

Yet, here they were. Ready or not.

He lifted his face to look at Carmen's. She looked troubled, scared. He wondered if his own face was reflecting the same emotions. He would have to be careful about that; the burden lay on him to be the source of strength and courage for them both.

She was beautiful; there was no doubt about that. She was smart; her GPA would vouch for it. Was it really that outlandish a hope that someday he could be in love with her the way his father loved his mother?

It could happen. He would have to believe that it was possible.

They had a long road ahead of them, and they had a lot to talk about.

He smiled and pulled her into his arms, realizing that it was the most physical contact they had shared since she told him about the pregnancy. He wrapped his arms around her and kissed the top of her head.

"We should talk," he said.

"I know," she replied.

"Can I get you something to drink?"

"Vodka martini," she deadpanned.

Edward pushed himself away from their embrace to ascertain her expression.

"I'm kidding, Edward. Gawd, you should see that look on your face," Carmen said teasingly as she shook her head in disdain.

They both laughed at the joke, perhaps for the first time in a long while.

Neither could know that it would also be the last time they shared a moment of unadulterated cheer.

In the days to come, carefree giggles and mirth would be in short supply.

****Thank you ****Lulabelle98, HeidiJoVT, and Dinx.****


	23. Chapter 23

**Where the Streets Have No Name**

**Chapter 23**

Edward got hot chocolate for them both from the kitchen as they sat down to lay their cards on the table. Much needed to be done, and in order to carry them out, they would have to devise a game plan.

They sat silently for a while, both fidgeting, unsure about how to start.

"Carmen, listen-"

"Edward. I'm-"

The both spoke at the same time.

"Lady's first," Edward conceded.

Carmen exhaled deeply, as if to gather her thoughts.

"We'll need a bigger place. My lease is ending in two months, so if you were serious about us looking for an apartment or something..." Carmen began.

"I was serious. Do you know where you want to move? My grandfather left me some money outside of my college fund. I can use that. Just find something you like; I'll help you move. I can give you a check for the rent and other utilities. If you need help around the place, I'll come by a few times a week or-" Edward stopped as he noticed Carmen flinching at his suggestion.

"What, did I say something wrong?" he asked.

She shook her head but didn't volunteer anything immediately.

"What then?" Edward tried again.

"I can't have a baby outside of wedlock." She lowered her head, as if in shame. "My family is Catholic. My dad's running for mayor in Edison. He'll disown me if I had a baby before... before marriage."

Edward sat dumbfounded. Admittedly, he knew very little about Carmen's family. He suspected she was Catholic given her Hispanic heritage, but had very little clue about the degree of her conviction in the faith. Also, she seemed so completely reticent to the idea of marriage when he first sprang it.

"I thought you didn't want us to get married." Confusion was evident in his voice.

"I didn't, I don't... and I know you don't either. Not really. But _if _I am to do this, if _you _want me to do this, I can't... I don't want it at the expense of losing my family."

Carmen fixed Edward with a silent stare, conveying to him her inner struggle. The idea of a shotgun wedding might not be appealing to her, but her decision to carry the baby to term _was _conditional to it.

Edward understood.

He reached over and took Carmen's hand in his. He smiled and hoped it conveyed to her that he would not let her down, that she could trust him.

"I guess we're getting married then."

****Thank you ****Lulabelle98, HeidiJoVT, and Dinx.****


	24. Chapter 24

**Where the Streets Have No Name**

**Chapter 24**

They stayed up late to hash out their immediate plan of action. They listed the things that needed to be done.

A marriage license had to be obtained from the King County Records Office. It was decided Edward would contact the County Office the next few days to apply for one.

Carmen would have to shop for an OB-GYN as her primary physician for the duration of the pregnancy. Given his association with the medical field, the task fell on Edward to research and suggest the best obstetrician in the area.

Edward would also need to provide Carmen with a ring of appropriate value; they didn't want their families to get the wrong impression. As the would-be groom, the responsibility lay on his shoulders, naturally. Of course, Carmen could help him pick it out.

The families of both parties would have to be informed. They decided to call their respective parents once they had the marriage license in hand.

They would need to start looking for a bigger place to move into. Carmen agreed to take on the task of house hunting.

She wanted a house instead of an apartment, now that she knew Edward's inheritance could buy them one.

Edward expressed his reservation about purchasing a property right off. It was too much of a liability to have so early in life, especially given the transient stage their careers were in. What if they had to move?

"Move? Why would we have to move?" she asked suspiciously.

"I don't know... what if I don't get a job in the state? Or, my residency, I got accepted at Lenox Hill in New York. It makes no sense buying a house now only to be moving in a few months. It would just weigh us down more than anything else," Edward reasoned. He thought it was a good opportunity to test the waters and see the degree of Carmen's willingness to adapt to his needs.

In hindsight, he perhaps should have waited for a better occasion.

****Thank you ****Lulabelle98, HeidiJoVT, and Dinx.****


	25. Chapter 25

**Where the Streets Have No Name**

**Chapter 25**

"New York? You are telling me _now_ that you are moving to New York? After you made me give up the job I worked three years to land?" Carmen seethed. The reasonable and almost-timid girl vanished in a blink of an eye, and in her place appeared a hateful and quarrelsome woman that Edward had hoped to keep at bay. "You lying piece of shit! You promised to be there for me. You said you'd help me with the baby. How are you planning on changing the diapers, Edward, ha? Through astral projection?

"I knew it! I never should have listened to you."

The force of Carmen's wrath floored Edward. He attempted to rein in the situation.

"No, no, Carmen, you got it all wrong. If I am to accept this offer, it will only be if you agree to come with me. I am not going to leave you here alone. I meant what I said; I am here for you, and the baby. Please, calm down. It's not good for either of you."

Edward's admission seemed to appease her somewhat, but she wasn't about to let him go completely unscathed.

"Well, then you can forget about New York, 'cause there's no way I am moving back east so soon after leaving home. I've had had enough of that place. Plus, however much I love my family, I don't want to live within driving distance from them. Not now anyway.

"Beside, it's_ just_ a job. Isn't that what you said to me the other day? You'll find a residency here, I'm sure. If we are going to do this, we are doing it right here. So, buying a place shouldn't be a problem," Carmen said decisively, then trained her eyes on Edward in challenge.

Edward swallowed all his counter arguments and nodded in agreement. She was right; it was only fair. He suspected as much that Carmen would be less than welcoming to the idea of moving to another state for him, but he didn't expect the kind of hostility she just demonstrated. He didn't think she was capable of being so spiteful.

But then, he didn't really know her very well.

If Edward were to look for signs of the lopsided relationship dynamic that was to mark their life together, he would have found plenty that day. However, the future was still shrouded in secrecy and he had no reason to be too wary quite yet.

_The world was made round so that we can't see too far down the road._

****Thank you ****Lulabelle98, HeidiJoVT, and Dinx.****


	26. Chapter 26

**Where the Streets Have No Name**

**Chapter 26**

It was fairly late when Carmen showed up at Edward's door. By the time they finished working out the finer points of their future life together, it was only a few hours shy of dawn.

Edward invited her to stay the night and Carmen reluctantly accepted.

Allowing her to use the bathroom for her nighttime ablutions first, Edward cleaned up the bedroom quickly and straightened out the sheets. He wondered what protocol dictated with regard to sleeping arrangement in this particular circumstance.

Would she be okay with sharing a bed with him? They had done so before, but things were different now.

He could sleep on the living room couch, letting her have the bed. But what if she took it as sign of him trying to distance himself from her? That might be upsetting to her even more, he reckoned.

Before he had made up his mind, Carmen emerged from the bathroom. She had stripped down to her underwear in preparation for the night. "I'm taking the right side, okay?" she said unceremoniously, then climbed on to her chosen corner of the bed.

Edward swallowed hard. Did she expect them to be intimate tonight?

"Uh... I'll just brush my teeth..." he mumbled as he made a speedy get away to the bathroom.

"Come back soon," he heard her say before he locked the door.

He couldn't recall a time since his induction into puberty when his body desired sex less than he did right then. It wasn't that he didn't find Carmen attractive. She was adventurous in bed and had all the physical attributes a man could hope to find in a woman; a curvaceous body, ample breasts, luscious lips, and above all, curious hands and a willing mouth.

Yet, the thought of making love to her right then was... almost repulsive to him.

_Not tonight._

He looked down at his crotch that held a very limp, very shriveled cock. He wasn't even sure he would be able to make it cooperate if the push came to shove tonight. Not after the verbal beat down he had gotten from Carmen earlier. He felt emasculated and weak.

He would have to get over his hangups if he were to keep his promise to Carmen. He would, he vowed. Just not right now. Would it be too implausible to say he had had a very long day and was too tired? It was not untrue. Not completely.

Edward brushed his teeth with thorough precision, taking as long as he possibly could. He splashed cold water in his face and looked at his reflection in the mirror.

He looked as he felt; weak and defeated.

_Just bite the bullet and get it over with._

_I can do it._

Wiping his face dry, he returned to the bedroom.

He was relieved to find Carmen's sleeping form lightly snoring on her side of the bed.

_Thank God for small favors._

****Thank you ****Lulabelle98, HeidiJoVT, and Dinx.****


	27. Chapter 27

**Where the Streets Have No Name**

**Chapter 27**

It felt like he had hardly closed his lids when he was woken by the sound of Carmen loudly relinquishing her stomach's content into the toilet.

Morning sickness, of course.

Rubbing sleep away from his eyes, he hurried to Carmen's side and held her by the shoulder as her body heaved.

"Get out! Leave me alone, you freak bastard..." Carmen protested in a hoarse voice.

Edward had the presence of mind not to take the attack personally.

"Shh, it's ok. It'll pass; I'm here," he said soothingly.

He held her hair away from her face and rubbed her back while she purged. He helped her up and cleaned her face when she was done. He got her his bottle of Listerine to rinse her mouth, then gently carried her back to bed.

She was pale as a sheet and looked like she would be sick again.

He tucked her in and sat next to her on the bed when something occurred to him.

"I'll be right back."

He dashed to the kitchen and rummaged through the fridge until he found what he was looking for; a tiny plastic bag that held a few blades of lemon leaves. Riley's girlfriend, Meghan, came over to cook Thai food a few nights ago. The leftover ingredients were stowed away in the fridge. The leaves were wilting, but they might do the trick.

He grabbed a few leaves and returned to Carmen's side. He crushed a leaf with his fingers, then held it under her nose.

Carmen tried to cringe away. "What the fuck are you doing? Get your hand off my face," she grumbled unhappily.

"It's lemon leaves. Supposed to help suppress nausea. I took a Holistic Therapy and Eastern Medicine seminar in second year of school," Edward explained. "Just breathe it in. It won't hurt."

Carmen relaxed and began inhaling the lemon aroma which appeared to ease her queasiness.

"They teach that quark-shit in med school?" she asked after a while.

"It was optional." He smiled.

Carmen smiled too. She was feeling better and that helped her mood.

"I hate throwing up," she complained in a little girl voice.

"It will go away soon, I promise. You'll get your appetite back by the second trimester. Most women do," Edward said gently.

"You better be right. I'm so sick and tired of being sick and tired," Carmen said dejectedly.

Edward brushed away some stray hair from her forehead in response. The gesture of affection brought a smile to Carmen's face.

"You're a good guy, Edward," she said suddenly. Then she sat up and climbed into Edward's lap and pressed herself to him in a surprisingly tender manner.

Edward was rightfully taken aback. He realized that it was an incredibly strong statement of endorsement coming from Carmen. He raised his arms to cradle her to his chest. It seemed like the right thing to do.

She kissed his cheek and whispered in his ear. "Of all the boys I could've ended up in this mess with, I'm glad it's you."

He was left speechless. He wished the sentiment was mutual.

"Me too," he lied.

****Thank you ****Lulabelle98, HeidiJoVT, and Dinx.****

****The lovely A is for Angel made me smile today and got me thinking how we all could use a little picker-upper like that. So, here's my PSA to you all: Have you made someone smile today? :) ****

*****Hugs*****


	28. Chapter 28

**Where the Streets Have No Name**

**Chapter 28**

When Edward woke up again, it was pushing eight. He was glad that he wasn't expected at the hospital until noon. He noticed that he was alone in bed with no sign of Carmen in the room.

_Has she left?_

He got up and left his room to find Carmen milling about in the kitchen, preparing breakfast from the look of it. She hadn't bothered to put her clothes back on. She was covered in nothing but a shirt.

His shirt.

He didn't like it.

He felt an uncharacteristic twinge of anger.

Sensing his presence, Carmen turned toward him and presented him with a bright smile.

"Morning, sunshine!" she said cheerfully. "I made breakfast! Eggs and bacon; the all-American breakfast for an all-American family," she added theatrically, gesturing with her hand.

She seemed to be in high spirits and Edward knew he would regret rocking the precarious boat of Carmen's mood if he asked her now not to borrow from his wardrobe without asking.

With a sigh, he decided to let it go.

"Thanks, Carmen. That's smells awesome. I'm starving." He feigned cheer and entered the kitchen to help her carry the platters to the breakfast nook. That's when he noticed Carmen sipping from a steaming mug of what had to be freshly brewed coffee.

His mood soured again and this time he acted on his first impulse.

"Carmen, you can't be so careless about what you put inside your system. Not anymore. You can't be drinking buckets of coffee like you used to. Not while you're pregnant. Everything you eat and drink will go through the placenta. Caffeine is not something you should expose the fetus to," he said evenly, trying to keep his voice calm.

The smile vanished from Carmen's face as storm clouds gathered in its stead. She stood frozen on the spot for a few moments, then she turned around and drained her mug in the sink before smashing it loudly into it.

She ran out of the kitchen and retreated into Edward's room, slamming the door behind her, leaving a very dumbfounded Edward behind.

****Thank you ****Lulabelle98, HeidiJoVT, and Dinx.****

****Thank you all for the smiles:)****


	29. Chapter 29

**Where the Streets Have No Name**

**Chapter 29**

"Carmen," Edward called as he followed her to his room.

Carmen was curled up on the bed, sobbing hysterically. Edward felt helpless.

What was he suppose to do? What should he say? How did one comfort a pregnant woman who was so broken up over missing out on a hot beverage?

He knew about the chemical flux that was taking place inside her body and assumed it was the hormonal upheaval that was making her act so irrationally.

He would have to get used to these episodes and learn to deal with them.

"Carmen," he tried again cautiously. He reached out and stroked her hair softly. "Hey, sweetie. It's okay; it's gonna be okay, baby," he said with a gentle cadence.

"I... I c-can't do this," Carmen said through tearful hiccups. "It feels like I'm giving my life away. I d-don't think I'm c-cut out for this, Edward. And it's only just the beginning."

Edward was startled to realize that what Carmen just said was true for him too. He also felt as though he had just signed his life away. Only he had a deep seated conviction that told him it was the right thing to do, whether it fit neatly into his master plan or not. He had to do it so he would. Throwing a tantrum wasn't a luxury he could afford. There had to be at least one adult in this partnership, and from the look of it, it was going to be him.

His new job description required for him to console Carmen, even if he was afraid of the exact same things she was scared of. He couldn't let her see his own panic; he would bear his cross alone.

"I know, baby. I know it's scary. But you can do it. It will be hard to make do without coffee for a little while, but it will get easier after a week or two; you'll see. Or we'll get decaf for you. I'll stock our kitchen with the best decaf they have. Heck, I'll give up coffee too. I won't have a sip of coffee for the entire nine months. What do you say about that? We'll do it together, okay?" he said with warmth. He had learned his lesson and knew better than to try the "it's just coffee" angle.

"That's not it. You don't understand. It's not just coffee; it's everything!" Carmen wailed as she sat up. "I'm sick all the time, I can't work or study, I know my parents will hate me when they find out, then... then I'll get fat and ugly and nobody will want me! Hell, even you don't want me; I can tell," she added exasperatedly.

"And that's all I can think about. I know it's not right; I shouldn't be self centered like this. I should be like _you_, and... and think about the baby first. Why can't I be like that? Why can't I be normal? I'm the _mother _of this thing, for God's sake! _I _should be fighting for it more than_ you_! What's wrong with me?" She truly sounded lost and troubled. "Maybe... maybe it's just not something I should do. Maybe I'm not meant be anyone's mother. Not this time, anyway."

****Thank you ****Lulabelle98, HeidiJoVT, and Dinx.****


	30. Chapter 30

**Where the Streets Have No Name**

**Chapter 30**

Edward was completely out of his depth. He didn't know what to say to ease her worries or how to convince her that she was wrong about them.

"There's nothing wrong with you, Carmen. It's normal to be scared. I'm scared too. But I know we can do this, 'cause we are biologically programmed for this. Millions of people who are far less qualified than us are doing it every day. My parents did it; your parents did it. How hard can it be?

"And you are not fat, or ugly. You are beautiful. Ask anyone." Edward caressed her cheek affectionately as he spoke and hoped he sounded sincere. "Maybe we are not the best prepared parents in the whole world, but we have quite a few months to get it down to pat. We will learn together, okay?"

Carmen nodded her head after contemplating Edward's words for a long moment. She wiped her face with the sleeve of the shirt she was wearing and fixed Edward with a tentative smile.

"You're really good at this shit, you know that? You should be a motivation speaker or something," she said as she hugged him like she did earlier in the morning. Only this time her lips sought out his as her arms ran up and down his back.

While kissing, she guided their bodies on the bed until she was embracing him with all four limbs - arms around his torso and legs around his hip - as her tongue demanded his surrender.

The rapid shift of events puzzled Edward. He struggled to grasp how Carmen could go from being a nearly hysteric mess to a mischievous and lustful playmate in bed this quickly. His body couldn't keep up with the sharp turns Carmen's mind was taking.

Sensing Edward's reluctance, Carmen reached between their bodies and began to untie the drawstring of his sweats. Edward grabbed her hand before she could reach her goal.

"You said you'd be there for _me; _not just the baby_,_" Carmen reminded him breathlessly. "I need _this..._I need you."

Edward remembered.

Lowering his eyes from hers, he relinquished his hold on her hand.

Not for the first time or the last, Edward surrendered.

****Thank you ****Lulabelle98, HeidiJoVT, and Dinx.****

****Sincere apologies for delay in posting. The reasons are, chronologically, as follow: FF fail, visit with friends thus no access to internet/laptop, nasty (_really_ nasty!) cold. Hope I'm forgiven:) ****

****Much love!****


	31. Chapter 31

**Where the Streets Have No Name**

**Chapter 31**

In many ways, the first twenty four hours of their new alliance set the general tone of their relationship for the days to come. A typically disgruntled Carmen would make random demands in hope of finding that elusive sense of _rightness_, and Edward would make concession after concession to keep the peace, or simply because he didn't have the energy to argue.

However, he would soon discover that his appeasement strategy didn't really aid him much in ensuring a smooth and drama-free existence with Carmen. Nothing could make her happy, no matter how hard he tried.

Informing the parents turned out to be an awkward affair for them both. Perhaps a little more so for Carmen than Edward.

The day after he had collected the marriage license, Edward called his father during a break from his clinical rotation. He didn't want to do this from home with Carmen in tow. She had hardly gone back to her apartment since she showed up at his doorstep that night. Her icy scrutiny would only unnerve him more.

He decided to break the news to his father first; the calmer and more level headed of the two Cullen elders, who then could determine the best time and method to covey it to Edward's mother.

Carlisle Cullen was quiet on the phone for a long time.

_"How could you let this happen, son? I thought you knew better." _

The grave words laced with disappointment, coming from the man Edward always looked up to, cut deep. He squeezed his eyes shut and wished for a miracle that would restore him to his previous place of grace in his father's eyes.

"I... I... I made a mistake, Dad. I'm sorry that you're disappointed, but I have to man up and do the right thing."

He heard his father exhale a heavy sigh. _"Of course, Edward. _

_"I have a surgery scheduled in... soon. I'll talk to your mother when I get home, but I suggest you speak to her tonight yourself. She would prefer that."_ He paused, then added, _"I'll clean up my calendar the best I can so we can fly over soon. I hope you are not in _that _much of a hurry. It would break your mother's heart if she couldn't be there for your wedding. Also, we would like to meet the mother of our first grandchild and... welcome her into the family. I'm sure things are difficult for her too. "_

After he hung up, Edward slouched in his seat and hung his head low.

_That could've gone better, _he thought.

That was until he arrived home and found Carmen hysterically sobbing in his bed. He soon found out that the conversation between Carmen and her parents had gone even worse, though she wouldn't actually give him the grisly details.

"They're flying over, my mom and dad," Carmen said, once she was somewhat collected.

"Mine too."

With a shaky breath and a shakier resolve, Edward braced himself to meet the in-laws.

**Thank you ****Lulabelle98, ****HeidiJoVT,**** and Dinx.**

**Happy Valentine's Day. What are you planning on doing? **

**Lots of love:)**


	32. Chapter 32

**Where the Streets Have No Name**

**Chapter 32**

Carmen's parents, Elvira and Hector Moreno, arrived at SeaTac five days after they got the call from their daughter, beating the Cullens by a two day margin. Edward dutifully drove Carmen to the airport to pick them up and suffered silently through the wrathful glares Elvira threw his way as he chauffeured them to their hotel.

Elvira Moreno didn't even try to hide her dislike for the boy who, as she saw it, was solely responsible for soiling her daughter's impeccable virtue and derailing her future prospects.

To Edward's 'It's nice to finally meet you, Mrs. Moreno' she brandished a curt 'I wish I could return the sentiment'.

Carmen fixed Edward with a pleading look of apology and made the best attempt she could muster to defend him.

"Mama, please. Don't..."

Mrs. Moreno cursed under her breath, which sounded like Spanish to Edward, but didn't hurl any other insults at him during the drive.

Hector Moreno kept to himself mostly, though he did accept Edward's outstretched hand with an indifferent 'Humph'.

Edward had hoped he would get a break once the visitors were deposited at their hotel, but Elvira insisted that they were not tired. She wanted to have it all out with her daughter face to face about her upcoming nuptial.

He tried to excuse himself and allow the Morenos some privacy to vent and rant which might prove tricky in his presence. Carmen, however, had other ideas. She grasped his hands in an iron grip and made a unilateral decision that Edward ought to be a part of it.

Edward relented. Though within minutes it became apparent that his role in the family conference was to be the designated dart board that all the sharp and pointed remarks were aimed at. Fortunately, Elvira switched to Spanish soon after, effectively losing Edward in the process with only hand gestures and dramatic eye movement toward his direction, indicating that he was still very much in the center of the blame game.

He didn't want to offend his soon-to-be family, and felt it would be best to let Carmen take the lead in explaining the scenario that had led to the decision of their hastily scheduled wedding. He was ready to take a few punches for the cause. After all, Carmen was their baby girl; any parent would be upset under the circumstances. However, he noticed with alarm how distraught Carmen was becoming under the onslaught of her mother's relentless verbal attack, and wondered whether it might be prudent to intervene.

Just as he was about to clear his throat and request Elvira that she let up on Carmen as the added stress couldn't be good for her, an exasperated Carmen stood up.

"Cómo puedes tener tan poco corazón, Mama?" she said, then turned to her father who had been completely silent during the exchange. "Papa?" she spoke pleadingly, as if to seek his approval.

Hector Moreno stared back at her impassively. Then snapped at her with surprising malice and said, "Tú siempre has sido una decepción para mí."

Edward didn't know what was being said, but he saw the effect it had on Carmen. She covered her tear-streaked face with her hand and ran out of the hotel room, leaving Edward to face the music alone.

***Cómo puedes tener tan poco corazón, Mama? (How can you be so heartless, Mama?)****  
><strong>***Tú siempre has sido una decepción para mí. (You've always been a disappointment to me.)****  
><strong>

**Thank you ****Lulabelle98, ****HeidiJoVT,**** and Dinx.**

**Thank you BlueSkies0825 for stellar translation work.**

**Thank you dag21 for catching my error! Clearly copy/paste cannot me trusted!:)**


	33. Chapter 33

**Where the Streets Have No Name**

**Chapter 33**

The Cullens arrived two days after their counterpart. They were by no means ecstatic about their first born tying the knot in obvious haste, but they were somewhat more accepting of the inevitable, and they came bearing gifts.

During the family dinner that night, which facilitated a somewhat icy introduction between the Cullens and the Morenos, Carlisle announced that as the parents of the groom, they were going to buy a house for the couple. A start up home in a city of Edward and Carmen's choice. It would be a wedding present.

Edward was pleasantly surprised. He didn't expect such a generous gesture from his parents after he had disappointed them so miserably.

"Thanks, Dad, Mom. Wow, I don't know what to say," Edward began as he searched Carmen's face for her reaction.

Carmen was adequately surprised too, but she collected herself quickly and presented an appreciative smile. "Yes, thank you very much. That's very generous of you. It would really be a lot of help. In fact, we were just looking for a permanent place here in the city," she said.

Elvira chose this moment to weigh in her thoughts on the matter. "I agree, it's very generous of you, Carlisle. It's not that Hector and I don't have the means to buy them an easy passage for the future. We just don't believe in rewarding our children for making mistakes," she said and turned her attention back to her food in a nonchalant manner.

A very awkward silence descended on the table. Carmen's face turned a bright shade of red. Carlisle attempted to ease the tension by changing the subject. "Hector, I hear you're running for mayor in Edison. That must be a lot of work. Tell us about your campaign."

Before Hector could make any kind of retort, Carmen hissed under her breath, "¿Mamá, porque me tienes que avergonzar delante de ellos?"

Elvira feigned surprise as she replied back in the same language. "¡Oh!, mís disculpas, no pensé que te estaba avergonzando. Lo siento," she said. "No te preocupes, estas personas te odian ya. O no puede decir?" she added theatrically.

Edward watched with horror as Carmen pushed back her chair and made a hasty excuse to leave the table.

"Excuse me, I... I need to... Uh... I'm sorry..." She disappeared in the direction of the lady's room. Edward sat dumbfounded, wondering whether he should go after her, hoping it would be Elvira who would take the initiative since she instigated the whole episode.

When Elvira made no move to follow her daughter, Edward shifted in his seat uncomfortably. He looked at his parents for guidance.

Esme silently nodded her head, signaling him that he should go after his fiancée.

With a tired sigh, he followed Carmen's trail, effectively bringing the first official Cullen-Moreno gathering to an early end.  
><strong><br>*********"¿Mamá, porque me tienes que avergonzar delante de ellos?"- ("Mama, why do you have to embarrass me in front of them?")****  
><strong>*******"¡Oh!, mís disculpas, no pensé que te estaba avergonzando. Lo siento," - ("Oh! My apologies, I didn't think that I was embarrassing you. I'm sorry,"****) ****  
><strong>*******"No te preocupes, esta gente ya te detestan. ¿No te dás cuenta?"- ("Don't worry, these people already detest you. Or can't you tell?") **

**Thank you ****Lulabelle98, ****HeidiJoVT,**** and Dinx.**

**Thanks to BlueSkies0825**** for stellar translation work.**

**Thank you dag21 for catching my errors. You are awesome, bb:)**


	34. Chapter 34

**Where the Streets Have No Name**

**Chapter 34**

After the drama at the dinner table, the elders quickly called it a night. The Morenos didn't have far to go since the restaurant was located at their hotel. Edward dropped Carmen off at his place then drove his parents to their hotel.

No one said anything during the drive, though the mood was grim.

"Walk with me, son," Carlisle said once Esme kissed them both goodnight and excused herself to retire for the night.

They found a relatively secluded spot in the hotel lobby by the glass paned wall. Carlisle chose a comfortable looking sofa and Edward followed suit.

"Carmen mentioned that you two are planning to settle here. Does that mean you are turning down your residency with Lenox Hill?" his father asked in a surprisingly neutral voice.

"Yes, I'm afraid so. Carmen doesn't want to move that close to New Jersey, and after meeting her mother, I think I understand a little better why she doesn't want to move.

"I can't... I shouldn't leave her here alone. So..." he trailed off, hoping his father would see the merit behind the momentous decision.

Carlisle simply nodded his head, choosing to refrain from voicing his thoughts about what he truly felt about his son's reasoning.

"Carmen seems like a... nice young woman," Carlisle remarked after a while. "And yes, I've also noticed how _interesting _her family is." His assertion was heavy with meaning that he would rather not commit to words; he did not approve.

Edward shrugged. He didn't see the point in refuting an argument that hadn't been posited aloud.

"Have you set a date yet? For the wedding I mean," Carlisle asked.

"Uh... sort of, yes. Carmen found a church that has an opening in two weeks," Edward answered. "Can you stay till then?" he asked.

"Your mother probably can, but I'll have to go back, delegate a few cases and come back. I'm sure Alice will be there too."

They sat in silence for a minute.

"Do you love her?" Carlisle asked the question that the Cullens had been skirting ever since Edward informed them of his plans to marry Carmen.

Edward furrowed his brow and contemplated lying.

He decided it would be pointless as well.

"It doesn't matter. We are having a baby," he said finally.

"Edward, surely you realize that in this day and age, one doesn't have to resort to marriage to raise a child together," Carlisle said incredulously.

"I know. But... but Carmen has religious issues. She won't agree to having a baby outside of wedlock. So..." Edward let the meaning of his words hang in the air between them. "Besides, I don't _hate _her. There's a very good chance we'll come to... care about each other in the future..." he added as an afterthought.

"And if we try and fail, if things don't work out, we can always part ways later and share custody; amicably," Edward reasoned.

"You are seriously planning a divorce two weeks before the wedding? Do you realize how wrong that is? Also, are you sure these 'religious issues' that are compelling her to a marriage neither of you are ready for won't be there to prevent a divorce? What will you do then? Stay trapped in a loveless marriage for the rest of your life?"

**Thank you ****Lulabelle98, ****HeidiJoVT,**** and Dinx.**


	35. Chapter 35

**Where the Streets Have No Name**

**Chapter 35**

Edward hadn't thought of the consequences of his marriage that far ahead. In fact, the notion of separation only came to him as he was trying to refute his father. An eternity of being bound to Carmen was a daunting concept indeed. But surely she couldn't keep him from a divorce on religious grounds.

_He _wasn't Catholic.

In fact, neither was she from what he could tell. Her insistence on marriage seemed to have more to do with appeasing her family than any personal conviction she had on the matter. After all, she didn't have any gripe about terminating the pregnancy.

"If it comes to that," Edward began, "I'm not saying it will, but _if _it does, she can't impose her Catholic rules on me; I'm just marrying her, not joining her church. Besides, it won't be a matter of life or death anymore. She won't have the upper hand like she does now. She can't force me to stay in the marriage if I don't want it."

"Do you even realize that when you speak of Carmen it sounds like you are talking about an adversary, not someone who's about to be your partner in life? And what about your son or daughter? Have you considered how it would impact them to see their parents at each other's throat? Is that the stage you want to set up for them?" Carlisle asked pointedly.

"No, of course not! I'm only talking about remote possibilities here. Of course I hope it will never come to that," Edward protested vehemently. "But for the sake of argument, more than half the children in this country are raised by divorced parents. It's not ideal, but it's better than..."

He couldn't finish his sentence.

_Better than what?_

_Death?_

_How can one die who has never been?_

_Never being._

_Surely it's a fate worse than being raised in a broken home, isn't it?_

**Thank you ****Lulabelle98, ****HeidiJoVT,**** and Dinx.**


	36. Chapter 36

**Where the Streets Have No Name**

**Chapter 36**

"Better than what, Edward?" his father asked, echoing Edward's own puzzlement.

Edward was at a loss for words. Why was his father drilling him with questions that he already knew the answers to? Couldn't he tell that Edward didn't want to ponder on it?

"Martyring yourself to settle for a life you don't want, with a woman you are not in love with, is not the right thing to do, son. Have you considered that maybe Carmen's first instinct was right?" Carlisle implored.

Edward stared at his father with mouth agape, unable to digest the words he was hearing. "I can't believe you are saying this! You had me when you were still in med school. Mom even didn't have a job. But you still had me!

"I'm trying to do the same thing here. For God's sake, this is my baby you are talking about! If it was right for you back then, how can it be wrong for me now?" Edward asked exasperatedly.

"There's a gulf of difference between what your mother and I went through and _this. _For one thing, we were already married and loved each other unquestioningly. Both Esme and I loved you and wanted you the moment we learned that we had conceived. There were hardships and challenges, but they were nothing compared to the gift we were receiving. That's how we saw you, Edward; a gift. We didn't have the logistics all worked out, but we were ready.

"Where as Carmen and you...

"I think cajoling her to carry a baby to term is wrong for everyone concerned here. It's unfair to her, it's unfair to you and it will be unfair on the child you are bringing into this mess," Carlisle Cullen said, emotions cracking through his words for the first time since they sat down.

"You are wrong. I am not forcing or cajoling Carmen into anything. I gave her a choice, and she took it because she realized it's the right thing to do," Edward said defensively.

"Are you sure about that, son? Are you one hundred percent certain that you didn't manipulate her Catholic guilt and bait her with the promise of an easy life as a doctor's wife in exchange for her agreeing to keep the baby?" Carlisle asked, his words sounding more like a prosecutor's than a doctor's.

"Yes, yes, I'm sure," Edward insisted, though he refused to meet his father's eyes as he spoke.

Carlisle Cullen took a deep and tired breath. He held little hope of dissuading his son from committing the biggest mistake of his life, but he had to try.

"Edward, your mother and I love you. So very much. We just don't want to see you make a mistake that you'll regret for the rest of your life.

"If not for our sake, think of Carmen. I admit that I've only just met her, but even in this short period of time it's obvious to anyone passing by that she isn't... stable. Pressuring her into parenthood would be a highly irresponsible thing to do. I'd like you to think about that, son. Before it's too late."

Edward clutched and unclutched his fists restlessly. "It _is_ too late, Dad. I've made a promise to her and our child. I can't- I _won't _- go back on my word. And Carmen is not unstable. She's a little moody and headstrong, but she is perfectly capable of handling the pregnancy. Like you said, Dad, you don't know her," Edward said stubbornly.

"Yes, I gathered that," Carlisle replied, giving up hope. "The question is, are you sure that _you _do?"

**Thank you ****Lulabelle98, ****HeidiJoVT,**** and Dinx.**


	37. Chapter 37

**Where the Streets Have No Name**

**Chapter 37**

Both Hector Moreno and Carlisle Cullen returned to their respective home states soon after with plans to return to attend the wedding in a couple of weeks time. The mothers, however, stayed back to help Carmen in hastily putting together a wedding.

In the limited time afforded to her, Esme Cullen tried her level best to welcome the Morenos into her family, though her hopes of befriending Elvira, or mentoring Carmen, were quickly dashed.

Elvira resolutely refused to fraternize with the enemy. She randomly switched to Spanish in Esme's presence just to keep her at arm's length. Carmen, on the other hand, experienced a different kind of aversion to Esme's eager offer of friendship. The more Esme tried to embrace her, the more Carmen resented her for it. The acceptance and affection that Esme was readily extending to Carmen was perhaps just the thing she always wanted, but not from someone else's mother.

Despite the cold shoulders, Esme accompanied the Moreno women to house hunting, dress shopping and purchasing all other odds and ends the newlyweds would need in the near future.

Carmen and her mother disagreed on nearly everything when it came to picking out the dress, or finding a suitable piece of property, leaving it up to Esme to break the tie. Sadly, her vote didn't earn her any fans no matter whom she sided with.

"Gosh, your mother can be really phony, you know that?" Carmen said conversationally after coming home from a day of shopping with her mother and Esme.

"At least she's civil," Edward muttered, flopping on the bed, unable to silently tolerating this affront to his mother.

"What did you say? 'Civil'? And my parents are what? Savages from the jungle? A bunch of beaners? You racist bastard!" Carmen exploded, challenging him to battle. The tenet of her voice clearly signalled that she would accept nothing short of complete capitulation.

Edward trained his tired eyes on the white nothingness of the ceiling and rehearsed his apology.

He was getting surprisingly good at saying sorry. He would get plenty of practice to perfect the art in the coming year.

**Thank you ****Lulabelle98, ****HeidiJoVT,**** and Dinx. **


	38. Chapter 38

**Where the Streets Have No Name**

**Chapter 38**

The week preceding the wedding proved even more trying for Edward.

Six days before they were to take their vows, on his way back from the hospital, Edward collected the ring that he had ordered for Carmen. Even though she herself had picked it out at the store, she burst into tears when Edward presented her with the tiny elegant box.

Edward mistook it for tears of joy and was about to draw her into his arms when she set him straight.

"This isn't the ring I picked. This... It doesn't even look like the one I wanted." She sobbed.

"Why can't just one thing go the way I want?" Carmen lamented tearfully.

A perplexed Edward quickly pulled out the receipt to check for any possible mix up. No, it was his signature on the order and his credit card number on the invoice. What's more, the ring looked exactly like the one Carmen had chosen to be fitted for her size.

"Uh... Carmen, honey, maybe you're not remembering right. This is the one you picked," Edward began cautiously.

"No! It's _not _the one; it looks nothing like it. The jewellery store ripped us off. This is _not _platinum, and that stone is _definitely _not a diamond." Carmen screamed out the words as she threw the ring at the wall.

Edward wondered if he should point out that Carmen had changed her mind at the last minute and opted for white gold instead of platinum. As for the gem stone, he was no expert, but it looked identical to the one they were shown at the store.

No, pointing those things out would only upset her more.

"Carmen, we'll take it back to the store and have them fix it the way you want, okay? Just don't cry, sweetie. Everything will be fine," Edward said softly, then bent down to pick up the ring from the floor, glad she hadn't thrown it out the window.

"There's not enough time." Carmen shook her head adamantly. "It doesn't matter anyway. Nothing is going right, why should the ring be any different? The dress is a joke, the church is a shit hole, _my _mother hates me, _your_ mother hates me. I just... I only wanted this _one _thing to be perfect, you know? Just how I always wanted," Carmen spoke sadly. Her mood had once again shifted toward the other extreme. She sounded completely pitiful and dejected.

Edward felt better equipped to deal with this side of Carmen than the turbulent tornado she was a moment ago. "It doesn't matter what the dress looks like, or how small the church is. You'll be the best dressed woman there, I promise. And no one hates you." Edward paused. "Your mother hates _me_, not you. And my mother isn't capable of hating anyone.

"If the ring can't be fixed on time, we'll get it fixed after the wedding, I promise. Or you can get a whole different one. Okay? Just don't be sad. It's not worth the tears," Edward said as soothingly he could.

Carmen sat down on the bed and slumped her shoulders. "Whatever," she said indifferently. Then curled up in bed, shutting Edward out.

**Thank you ****Lulabelle98, ****HeidiJoVT,**** and Dinx.**


	39. Chapter 39

**Where the Streets Have No Name**

**Chapter 39**

On a bright Friday afternoon, in the presence of their parents and a handful of friends, Edward and Carmen got married and began their turbulent journey into parenthood.

The bride and groom both looked impeccably beautiful, albeit nervous. If there were any second thoughts on Edward's part, he hid it well.

A small reception was hosted jointly by the Cullens and the Morenos at the Bellevue Club where the couple had reservations to spend their honeymoon. Edward didn't want to fall behind any more than he already had at school by taking a lengthier break for a proper one that would involve traveling. The weekend at the luxury hotel was the solution he offered in terms of a compromise to Carmen. She wasn't particularly pleased with the arrangement, but grudgingly agreed to it since she had won the argument over their house. Her mother-in-law had promised her the near impossible; she would be able to move into the sprawling, six bedroom colonial in the suburbs straight from their honeymoon. The Cullens delivered on their promises.

After the customary hugs and handshakes, they retired to their suite.

As they were approaching their room, Edward pondered how Carmen might react to being carried over the threshold. Did she expect him to? Or would it only serve to irritate her?

Carmen solved his dilemma by preceding Edward into the suite.

Once inside their marital chamber, he felt shy and awkward.

This was it.

It was really happening.

There was no going back, no buyer's remorse permitted. It was time he made good on his vows.

He noticed Carmen standing next to him with an inscrutable expression.

"Hey, you okay?" he asked, reaching for her hand.

She nodded wordlessly.

Edward didn't know how to proceed. They had been intimate before, obviously. Yet something special was expected of the wedding night, was it not?

"You looked really pretty today," he began hesitantly, figuring one couldn't go wrong with that line. Carmen made a noncommittal gesture and sat down on the bed.

"Told you everything would go smoothly." He tried and failed again to draw Carmen in.

Edward realized he was floundering with the small talk. The detached posture and the empty look in her eyes was in great contrast with the confident and engaging woman she had been throughout the evening.

"Edward, do you love me?" she suddenly asked, catching him completely unprepared.

**Thank you ****Lulabelle98, ****HeidiJoVT,**** and Dinx.**


	40. Chapter 40

**Where the Streets Have No Name**

**Chapter 40**

_Do I love her?_

He opened his mouth a few times and closed it. For an average couple on their wedding night, the question would be redundant. Yet for them it was an uncomfortable reminder of the patchwork they were trying to stitch to seal their youthful mistake.

"Not even a little bit?" Carmen asked again when Edward failed to respond. Her voice had a calmness that unsettled him for some reason.

He didn't understand why she was choosing to bring this up now. After all, he didn't harbor any illusions about Carmen's feelings for him. Theirs was a marriage of necessity, not of love. They both understood that. Or at least he hoped she did.

"Carmen, honey, I... I care about you. You know I do. Why are you even..." He tried to explain the obvious to her without resorting to lying. "I'm with you; we are married. We're having a baby. Nothing else matters," he said with all the confidence he could rally.

Carmen didn't react to Edward's words. Her face remained impassive.

"Speaking of babies, don't forget your appointment on Tuesday. Dr. Bergen is one of the best OB-GYN in the state. Dad knows him through friends of friends and he agreed to squeeze you in. You'll be in real good hands," Edward continued, hoping a change of topic would shake her out of her funk.

It didn't.

Carmen suddenly stood up and vanished inside the bathroom without saying a word, leaving a dismayed Edward sitting on the bed.

Edward was gradually getting used to Carmen's abruptness, though he had hoped she would sport a slightly better spirits on their big day. Shaking his head, he proceeded to take off his shoes and dress suit.

He climbed into the massive bed as he waited for Carmen to return.

As the minutes stretched on, he wondered what was taking her so long. He didn't want to rush her, or seem impolite about feminine hygiene rituals, so he decided to be patient and allow Carmen the space she needed.

When the clock suggested that she had been gone for nearly thirty-five minutes, Edward began to get worried. Was she taking a bath? Perhaps he should make sure that she didn't fall asleep in the tub.

However, before he could put his thoughts into action, a violently loud noise from the bathroom set off a shock wave of alarm in his brain.

He jumped out of the bed and rushed to the bathroom door. It was locked.

"Carmen!"

**Thank you ****Lulabelle98, ****HeidiJoVT,**** and Dinx.**


	41. Chapter 41

**Where the Streets Have No Name**

**Chapter 41**

Carmen didn't respond from inside the bathroom, but Edward could hear the disturbing sound of glass shattering.

He rapped on the door with renewed urgency. "Carmen, open the door. What's going on? Please, sweetheart, just open it," he yelled.

Carmen remained silent though he could detect movement from inside the room.

He was frantic. What was she doing in there?

"Carmen!" He banged on the door again. "You're scaring me here. If you don't open the door I will have to break it down. I will, I swear," he threatened, though he wasn't quite certain his shoulders would be up to the task. He would try regardless.

It took him ten more minutes of pleading, banging on the wall, and threatening to call the hotel security - or worse, her mother - before he heard the click of lock disengaging.

Edward entered the bathroom to encounter a frighteningly chaotic scene. Every movable article of toiletries were on the floor, all that were breakable - including the mirror - were broken and amidst the debris and shards of glass sat Carmen on the floor. She was trembling and looked dazed, still in her wedding dress that was now torn in places and stained with blood in others.

Blood.

He rushed to Carmen's side to look for injuries and inspect the extent of the damage. He found minor cuts on her knuckles and fingers. Nothing too serious caught his eye, but he needed to examine her more thoroughly.

"Oh Carmen, what did you do?" he said, trying to lift her off the floor so he could take her back to the bedroom, then call for an ambulance if need be.

"It's not supposed to be this way..." Carmen said in a small voice, sounding lost and sad. "It's all wrong..." A tear slipped past her left eye. She didn't help much when Edward picked her up, but at least she didn't resist either.

Once he tended to her cuts and bruises and made sure that her physical injuries were superficial, Edward allowed the gravity of the situation to sink in.

His wife had a massive emotional meltdown on their wedding night. And he had caused it.

He felt like an utter failure.

How was he going to raise a child when he couldn't even treat his wife right?

"I'm gonna help you into a change of clothes, okay? I need to take you to a doctor," he softly told her. She seemed better now. The light of awareness was returning to her eyes.

She shook her head. "No, no! I'm fine. I just... lost it there for a minute. I don't need to see a doctor. I'm feeling better now. Really.

"Can we... can we just not tell anyone about this? I'm... I don't know what came over me. I'm sorry I scared you. It won't happen again. Please?" She sounded perfectly rational.

Edward turned his head toward the wreckage of the bathroom. There wasn't any way the damage could be swept under the rug. He supposed he could come to an understanding with the hotel management and call upon their discretion in return of paying reparation for the destruction of hotel property.

What concerned him more was the extent of Carmen's rage. He knew she was temperamental, perhaps even more so now due to the hormones, but he had never seen her lose control like that.

She seemed calm and confident now, and he didn't want to rock the boat by pushing her into an argument. He made a mental note to investigate later if anything like this had happened with her before.

"Ok, if you're sure," he acquiesced hesitantly.

Carmen fell asleep quite unceremoniously after that. Edward stayed up and did the best he could to clean up the mess in the bathroom so the housekeeping staff wouldn't walk into what looked like a crime scene the next day. When he was done, he climbed into the bed. He was exhausted but too keyed up to close his eyes.

His father's words echoed through his mind in a constant loop.

He truly didn't know the stranger sleeping beside him.

**Thank you ****Lulabelle98, ****HeidiJoVT,**** and Dinx.**

**I'm most grateful for the words you share with me:) Thank you! **


	42. Chapter 42

**Where the Streets Have No Name**

**Chapter 42**

The rocky beginning of their wedding night led to rockier waters as the months progressed. There were signs - some greater than others - that things were not quite how they should be. Some signs were too small to be noticed, some Edward smoothed over to avoid arguments, others he willfully denied because it was easier than confronting the truth.

When Carmen chose Dr. Miller, whose office was a forty minute drive across town, over Dr. Bergen, Edward found it odd but chose not to question her decision. After all, it was her health and welfare, and it was of paramount importance that she felt comfortable with the physician entrusted with her care during this critical period of life.

When she insisted on attending her doctor's appointments alone - Edward's presence in the room would be an intrusion on her privacy, she said - Edward voiced his objections but was easily persuaded to give up as Carmen agreed to let him come to the ultrasound sessions.

As the first trimester of the pregnancy reached its pique, and Carmen failed to develop any kind of tolerance for morning sickness and the associated fatigue, Edward chalked it up to her unique physiology and strove to be as sensitive and accommodating as he could possibly be. He got up with her at night when she felt sick and held her as she purged. He didn't retaliate when she summarily brandished him as the perpetrator of all ills in her life.

When she dropped out of the university, citing her inability to concentrate on studies or function in the outside world due to debilitating headaches and lethargy, Edward was nothing but supportive.

He even tried his hand at good old fashioned romance and took her out to dinner and movies. Anything to make Carmen happy. He might not yet be able to claim that he loved her, but he was going to try at least.

None of it made any difference. Carmen was unhappy and she continued to be so as the months progressed.

Edward, in his desperate hope to hold on to the illusion that things would work out in the end, turned a deaf ear and a blind eye to anything that might force him to contend with the reality.

He told himself that he just had to be a little more patient, a little more understanding. Carmen surely would get used to the pregnancy by the second trimester.

However, the inevitable could only be staved off for so long. Edward's bubble of wishful hopes came to a sudden collapse the evening he brought Carmen home after an ultrasound exam.

**Thank you ****Lulabelle98, ****HeidiJoVT,**** and Dinx.**


	43. Chapter 43

**Where the Streets Have No Name**

**Chapter 43**

They were going to have a girl.

In his excitement, Edward called his mother in Chicago after laying Carmen down on the bed. Esme shared his happiness; he could hear her yell for his dad to come to the phone to hear the good news. After a few minutes of joyful chatter about possible baby names and Carmen's well being, she demanded that Edward email her the ultrasound picture as a keepsake.

Edward recalled the technician handing Carmen the paper copy and the CD which she stuffed in her purse. He promised his mother to take care of the task soon and bade her goodbye.

He found Carmen's purse lying on the floor by the entrance where she had dropped it when they entered the house. He carried it to their bedroom so Carmen could fish it out for him, but found her soundly asleep.

He pondered the pros and cons of rummaging through Carmen's personal effects, but his eager impatience to send the image to his parents won out. Chances were, Carmen wouldn't even notice, and even if she did, surely she would overlook his snooping mission this one time. After all, it was for a good reason.

He unzipped the purse and ruffled through its contents to find the ultrasound CD or the printout. He couldn't find it immediately. Carmen's purse was like a bottomless pit, filled with countless nicknacks. He smiled silently at the items he saw inside the purse.

Why do girls need to carry so many things at all times?

_A roll of scotch tape?_

He carried the bag to the living room so as not to wake Carmen and then emptied its contents onto the coffee table.

_There it is!_

He found the folded piece of paper and the CD lying amidst an assortment of feminine things. He set aside the items he was looking for and began putting the rest back inside the purse.

That's when he saw the pill bottles.

Paxil.

Depakote.

The excitement Edward was feeling about sending his parents his unborn daughter's invitro image drained out of his mind. He picked up the bottles for a closer inspection. The label on both of them indicated that they were prescribed to Carmen by a Dr. de Luzlow. The refill date was a month ago.

Edward swallowed hard. His medical training was piecing together the puzzle blocks that his mind was desperate to deny.

Carmen was ill.

She was prescribed to take mood stabilizers and antidepressants.

Yet, she never thought it necessary to tell him about her condition.

Seizures, Bipolar Disorder, Epilepsy. Various possibilities flashed through his mind as he recalled his pharmacology class.

What else was she hiding from him?

As the initial shock began to wear off, Edward's mind shifted to a new line of concern.

Neither Paxil nor Depakote were recommended for use during pregnancy.

Birth defects.

Malformed heart.

Still birth.

He couldn't recall the exact list of potential risks, but just the thought was enough to trigger a full blown panic.

How long had she been taking these?

How could Dr. Miller allow this?

How could Carmen?

He was angry. He wanted answers. And he was going to get them.

"Carmen!"

**Thank you ****Lulabelle98, ****HeidiJoVT,**** and Dinx.**

**Thank you James of Jungle for her expert help.**

**Please review. It makes me insanely happy:)**


	44. Chapter 44

**Where the Streets Have No Name**

**Chapter 44**

"Carmen!" Edward called out again loudly as he returned to the bedroom with the two pill bottles. The evidence of Carmen's deceit, he thought.

"What do you want?" answered Carmen groggily, sounding annoyed for being disturbed, but she did reluctantly sit up on the bed.

"I want to know what the hell are these doing in your purse," Edward said as he showed her the pill bottles.

If he was in the right frame of mind he would know that confronting Carmen in such an aggressive manner would not bear fruit. Furthermore, he could very well trigger an extreme response from her which would not be good for anybody concerned. But at that very moment he wasn't in the right frame of mind.

He had been deceived.

He was angry.

He lashed out.

He soon came to realize his mistake.

Carmen's eyes froze on the articles in his palm. She sat paralyzed for nearly a minute as if processing the question that Edward had just posed to her.

Edward was beginning to get impatient. Just as he was about to call her out again, she responded.

"You went through my purse?" Carmen asked in a steely voice, completely overriding the matter at hand. "How dare you, you bastard! Hijo de perra, you fucking jerk! You... you sneaky motherfucking, son of a bitch. You... pinche puto, you filthy worm. Get out! Get out of here!" She hurled the nearest thing her hand could reach - a book from the bedside table - at Edward as she screamed barely coherently at the top of her lungs.

Edward was taken aback by the sheer force of her wrath. In the time it took for him to recollect his thoughts, Carmen had thrown several other things at him; the last one, the small bedside lamp, missing his head by mere inches. He hadn't seen her act so violently since their wedding night, though he hadn't actually witnessed her episode inside the bathroom first hand.

He now deeply regretted not following up on his intuition and investigate Carmen's behavioral history.

"Carmen, stop," he tried, all the anger gone from his voice. He approached Carmen as she struggled out of the bed to get her hands on more articles to smash and throw. "Please, sweetie. Calm down, we can talk about this later, okay? I made a mistake, I shouldn't have looked in your purse. You're right. Please, just lie down and relax," he spoke softly, recalling how his psych professors calmed down patients when they suffered a break with reality or had violent episodes.

Carmen was not to be dissuaded easily. She still managed to throw several more picture frames and books before Edward could restrain her by wrapping his arms around her protectively.

"It's all your fault. You ruined my life. I never should have listened to you." Carmen sobbed into his chest as he carefully maneuvered her toward the bed.

"Yes, yes. I know. It's all my fault," Edward agreed sorrowfully, tucking her under the covers. "I'm so very sorry."

* * *

><p>*Hijo de perra (son of a bitch)<p>

*pinche puto ( fucking asshole)

**Thank you ****Lulabelle98, ****HeidiJoVT,**** and Dinx.**

****Thanks to BlueSkies0825 and dag21 for the stellar help on Spanish swear words:) ****

****A MASSIVE thanks to writtenbyabdex for being my 2000th reviewer. You have no idea how happy you made me! ((((HUGS))))****


	45. Chapter 45

**Where the Streets Have No Name**

**Chapter 45**

Edward lay with Carmen for hours until his soothing words and calming touch brought her down from her height of rage. However, as anger left Carmen, debilitating grief took over. Heavy breaths of anger dissolved into sobs.

Through tears and woe, Carmen gradually told him what he wanted to know.

She had always struggled with emotions, but Elvira Moreno wasn't tolerant of the idea that her children might not have full control over their actions and behavior, nor did she approve of seeking professional help. She vehemently opposed the notion of being labeled.

Once Carmen moved away from home to attend college, her new friends encouraged her to see someone. Dr. Theodore de Luzlow had been in charge of her care for the past three years. He was the one who formally diagnosed her condition as Type 1 Bipolar Disorder, convinced her to attend therapy, and walked her through a slew of trials to find the right cocktail of medication that worked for her.

She attended therapy for two years, gradually reducing the sessions and only meeting Dr. de Luzlow for prescription refills. She was feeling as though she was finally getting a grip over her life. Until the pregnancy.

She wanted to tell Edward the truth. She understood that he deserved to know. But she was so ashamed. What if he rejected her because she was a basket case? Or tell her mother who was still ignorant of the fact?

No, Dr. de Luzlow didn't know about her pregnancy; she hadn't been back to see him since sometime before she learned she was pregnant. She felt as though she had let him down by stupidly getting knocked up, throwing away all the time and hard work he had put into her case.

No, she hadn't disclosed to Dr. Miller about her condition either. Yes, she knew she should have, but she was afraid that if Dr. Miller knew, she would inform Edward.

She_ had_ thought of the possible side effects her meds might have on the baby. She had been careful about the intake, settling on the bare minimum only. She dared not stop lest her mind lapsed back into chaos. She was planning on stopping altogether once the last refill was used up. However, she had come to rely on those pills for stability. She didn't want to let go of her crutch. She was so afraid she wouldn't be able to function at all without them.

Edward listened to her quietly with few interruptions. He wanted to tell Carmen that she should not worry, that if the last few months were anything to go by, that particular combination of drugs had stopped working for her already. He held her tongue though. There was no point in stressing her out more than she already was. Also, he could be wrong. Perhaps the drugs were serving a purpose, in which case he was scared to think just how unstable Carmen could have been without them.

The conversation with his father floated through his mind.

_"...think of Carmen..."_

_"...it's obvious to anyone passing by that she isn't... stable..."_

_"Pressuring her into parenthood would be a highly irresponsible thing to. I'd like you to think about that, son. Before it's too late."_

His father had noticed things that he had willfully ignored.

Now it was too late.

**Thank you ****Lulabelle98, ****HeidiJoVT,**** and Dinx.**


	46. Chapter 46

**Where the Streets Have No Name**

**Chapter 46**

Carmen was emotionally unstable.

Something she had deliberately hid from him out of shame and fear of rejection.

She was chemically dependent on at least two pharmaceuticals that were known to have harmful effects on the fetus.

Edward was overwhelmed by the new found knowledge about his wife. He could only hope that what she had told him was, in fact, the full account of the story. He had no way of knowing for sure. Who knew what other skeletons she was hiding in her closet?

On top of having to process all this, his mind was overwrought with worries for their unborn daughter.

Carmen didn't want the baby. He did. She had repeatedly expressed her doubts and uncertainties over the pregnancy. Perhaps she had lied by omission regarding her illness, but she didn't conceal from him how unprepared she felt about being a parent. It was he who had overlooked her concerns time and time again. Or in the very least, interpreted them the way that suited his worldview.

Carmen tried to tell him. He didn't listen.

Instead, he saw what he wanted to see.

Essentially, he had done exactly what his father had accused him of.

He used guilt to pressure Carmen into making a decision that was right in his eyes.

He cornered her into choosing a life neither of them wanted, and to have a baby she was not prepared to have.

He did ruin her life. Quite possibly both of their lives.

Edward didn't know if he could ever atone for his mistakes, but he knew he couldn't afford to give up trying. If not for himself or Carmen, then for his daughter - the only blameless victim of the calamity that was his life.

**Thank you ****Lulabelle98, ****HeidiJoVT,**** and Dinx.**


	47. Chapter 47

**Where the Streets Have No Name**

**Chapter 47**

Edward insisted on accompanying Carmen to her next appointment with Dr. Miller. In the light of her recent confession, Carmen didn't resist. She had given him her word that she would make full disclosure to her OBI and follow the doctor's instructions with regards to the dosage and type of meds she should take for the remaining duration of the pregnancy.

Edward also wanted her to have a full battery of blood work done to screen for anything else that might have gone unnoticed until now. Carmen agreed to the blood work, but dug her heels down to his suggestion for an amniocentesis test. Given the invasive and painful nature of the procedure, Edward didn't push for it.

Dr. Miller was taken aback by the extent of information withheld by her patient. Not surprisingly, she expressed grave concern and instructed Carmen to wean herself off of the drugs of her choice and gradually work up to a trial period without any. If that proved too trying, they could opt for an antidepressant that wasn't known to heighten the risk to pregnancy and the baby too much, and forgo a mood stabilizer altogether. She also suggested that Carmen returned to therapy and that she consulted Dr. de Luzlow as soon as possible.

Carmen was too ashamed to resist. She agreed to follow all of Dr. Miller's instructions to the T.

They returned the following week to learn about the lab report. Dr. Miller informed them, much to Edward's relief, that Carmen was in good health, physically at least. From all outward measures, the baby seemed to be faring quite well also.

"There's just one little thing," Dr. Miller said as the consultation was about to wrap. "Carmen, were you aware that you have the SCT?"

**Thank you ****Lulabelle98, ****HeidiJoVT,**** and Dinx. **


	48. Chapter 48

**Where the Streets Have No Name**

**Chapter 48**

"No... What does that mean? Am I sick?" Carmen asked with alarm.

"No, no, you're not sick. It means you tested positive for a genetic trait called SCT. That in itself is nothing to worry about. It just helps you to manage your baby's health care in the future," Dr. Miller said reassuringly.

"What's SCT?" Carmen asked.

"It's Sickle Cell Trait," Edward explained, circumventing Dr. Miller.

"That's right, Edward," agreed Dr. Miller as she picked up the thread from him. "It just means you are carrying a recessive, faulty gene that causes sickle cell anemia. You have nothing to worry about. You don't have the disease; you're only a carrier. There is a fifty percent chance that your baby could inherit the trait from you. In case she does, knowing this ahead of time would help her be prepared as an adult in making reproductive decisions. Of course, we are talking many, many years from now." She smiled.

"H-how can you be so sure my baby won't get the disease?" Carmen questioned.

"Because in order for sickle cell disease to manifest, your baby would need to inherit the faulty gene from both her parents," Dr. Miller explained. "I'm making an informed guess that Edward here doesn't have the trait. Thus, there's no risk of your baby inheriting the illness."

"But how do you know Edward isn't a carrier too? You didn't test him," Carmen asked, sounding suspicious.

"No, we didn't. That is true. I admit, as a physician I shouldn't be so presumptuous. But incidences of SCT or SCD are astronomically low among the caucasian population. Edward, what do you know about your genealogy?" Dr. Miller asked.

"My grandparents were Swedish-German from one side, and Irish on the other," Edward answered.

"And is there any chance that you might be adopted?"

"No, I'm fairly certain that I'm not." Edward laughed as he considered the possibility. He held too great a resemblance with his father to ever harbor such suspicion.

"Then the chances are close to nil that you are a carrier. Of course, you are very welcome to take a blood test to rule it out for certain. It would be one less thing to worry about," Dr. Miller stated.

Edward didn't think there was any pressing need for him to take the test, but he would to put Carmen's worries at rest. Especially given how distressed she looked in spite of Dr. Miller's explanation.

However, it was Carmen who rendered his decision useless. "No, that won't be necessary," she said decisively, then hastily concluded the session pleading fatigue.

She seemed particularly distracted that evening, but it didn't strike Edward as out of the ordinary.

A year later he would wish he had paid more attention.

***Sigh* I hope you see now why I didn't reply to your questions re SCT. Hope I'm forgiven:)**

**Thank you ****Lulabelle98, ****HeidiJoVT,**** and Dinx.**

**Please review. Work whipped my butt this week. I could really use some happy...**


	49. Chapter 49

**Where the Streets Have No Name**

**Chapter 49**

As the months progressed, morning sickness finally relented its iron grip over Carmen's body. Edward exhaled a breath of relief, hoping it would finally bring some much needed reprieve for Carmen.

For a week or two, she did seem less distraught. She slept better through the night, she ate to her heart's content for the first time in months, and she even ventured outside the house a few times to meet up with her friend, Kate.

Edward was beginning to feel optimistic.

Sadly, his hopes were short lived.

As her pregnancy progressed and her body shifted and grew to accommodate the baby inside, Carmen began to get frantically wary of any increase in her weight that couldn't be accounted for by the weight of the baby.

The pain and distress Carmen suffered as a result of morning sickness paled in comparison to her new affliction.

She plunged into depression and refused to eat every time the scale registered a spike. She cried and sobbed as her wardrobe failed to meet the need of her growing girth.

Edward tried to stop her from weighing herself everyday. He told her how beautiful she looked. But nothing could reach the dark depths of her psyche. As the days passed, she grew more and more obsessed with her weight.

Even the combined efforts of Dr. de Luzlow and Dr. Miller bore limited results.

Edward was scared. He knew how great a risk Carmen was at of suffering a psychotic break. He couldn't stay home with her everyday, yet he was afraid to leave her in the house by herself.

Carmen had a few friends, but he couldn't expect any of them to give up their life to keep his wife company all day.

He thought of Elvira. Even though he didn't particularly like the woman and suspected that much of Carmen's emotional problems could be directly attributed to Elvira's rigid style of parenting, he had to consider that she was after all Carmen's mother. Perhaps her presence would help in some way.

He pitched the idea to Carmen of inviting her mother to stay with them for a few months, maybe until the baby was born. Carmen rejected it vehemently. She had never told her mother about her illness, and she wasn't ready to confide in her now.

She also vetoed Edward's proposal to hire a private nurse, insisting that she had a good handle over things on her own.

She wouldn't hear of having Edward's mother come and stay with them either.

As the narrow pool of ideas began to dry, Edward's anxiety grew manifold. The pressure began to take its toll on him as well. The long hours spent in school and even longer hours waiting on Carmen left him zapped of energy and patience.

Edward helplessly realized that he was rapidly reaching his own breaking point, yet the end was nowhere in sight.

**Thank you ****Lulabelle98, ****HeidiJoVT,**** and Dinx.**


	50. Chapter 50

**Where the Streets Have No Name**

**Chapter 50**

The agonizing run of Carmen's pregnancy ended just as traumatically.

When discussing birthing options, Carmen insisted, and Dr. Miller agreed, that a c-section would cause the least amount of shock to her system. They had scheduled her operation accordingly. However, Carmen went into premature labor a week before the surgery was due.

The time it took for Edward to convince her that the contractions didn't seem like Braxton Hicks, and for him to drive them to the hospital, the waves of labor were occurring very close to one another; Carmen was unable to stay still or hold the required position long enough for safe administration of an epidural.

Dr. Miller was not in attendance that day. She was paged and the attending physician did attempt to prep a room for a c-section, but by that time Carmen's labor had progressed too far.

In spite of the relative short time between the onset of the contractions and the birth of her daughter, Carmen suffered excruciating agony that she was ill prepared to handle. She didn't attend birthing classes or practice any breathing exercises in anticipation of a controlled, pain-free surgery. Each contraction hit her with the force of a tsunami, decimating her already fragile mind.

The severe trauma caused by the labor left Carmen in a state of catatonia. Despite his medical training, Edward was thrown off his game almost just as badly. He couldn't have predicted the degree of anguish it would put Carmen through. He didn't allow her wails of pain - and the battery of expletives directed at him - register on his mind as he held her hand through the difficult labor. He knew he needed to be steady and strong for his wife. He kept his focus trained on Carmen, only sparing moments to ensure the baby had taken her first breath without any complications.

It was only after Carmen sunk into a sedated stupor, did he venture out to take a closer look at his daughter. He realized he needed to call his parents, as well as Carmen's, to inform them of the unscheduled arrival of the baby.

He navigated his way to the neonatal ward to find his daughter, and stopped in front of the crib marked 'Baby Cullen'.

There she was.

Sleeping.

A tiny form with nebulous features, hardly distinguishable from any other infant in the room. Yet, in that moment, Edward knew he would know her face anywhere. He recalled his father's words; she truly was a gift, and nothing in life would ever be as important as her safety and happiness.

He picked her up with care so as not to rouse her and placed a kiss on her wrinkly forehead.

With a pang he realized they hadn't yet picked out a name for her. His mother and Alice sent them several suggestions, none of them met with Carmen's approval.

His little girl needed a name.

A beautiful name for his beautiful baby.

He looked around the room, for inspiration.

Inspiration came in the form of a song that was being played in the ward. The volume was muted and at first Edward thought it was a nursery rhyme or a lullaby to soothe the infants. But as he focused his attention, he realized that it was the radio set on some social advocacy channel. He recognized the song as something his mother used to hum at home. Ella's Song. A tribute to the civil rights activist Ella Baker.

_We who believe in freedom cannot rest_  
><em>We who believe in freedom cannot rest until it comes<em>

Edward smiled.

Ella.

Who fought and survived against the odds.

_Perfect._

She would be called Ella.

***On Ella Baker: **http : / www(dot)heroism(dot)org/class/1960/cu-unknown(dot)htm****

**Thank you ****Lulabelle98, ****HeidiJoVT,**** and Dinx.**


	51. Chapter 51

**Where the Streets Have No Name**

**Chapter 51**

Edward knew there would be challenges on the way for Carmen to adapt to Ella's arrival. However, he couldn't help but harbor the hope that perhaps Ella's mere presence would cause a shift in his wife the way it had changed him. That holding their daughter in her arms would magically dispel all chemical imbalances and the emotional turmoils Carmen suffered.

His hope took flight when Carmen, on her own volition, inquired about the baby when she regained consciousness. She seemed eager and was downright impatient when the nurse rolled Ella's crib into her room.

She listened to the instructions the nurse murmured to her on how to hold a newborn as Ella was passed into her waiting arms.

She held her baby as if she was handling priceless and fragile china. Anticipation was clear in her eyes as though she was expecting to find the answer to a puzzle she had been wrestling with for eons.

"I named her Ella when you were out cold," Edward said with cautious hope.

Carmen nodded her head, barely heeding his words. Her complete attention was still trained on the infant in her arms. Ella mewled and wriggled as newborns do.

"It's a nice name, don't you think?" he tried again to gauge her state of mind.

"Yah, yah, whatever," she said, brushing aside his words, signaling that she didn't want to be interrupted. She was far too absorbed, looking for some kind of affirmation in the small form she held. Her eyes twinkled with the brightness of stars.

Edward had never seen her like this. He took it as a good sign. Maybe everything would work out after all.

He edged closer and put his arms around Carmen and waited patiently for her epiphany to register in full.

One minute. Then five.

He spotted the uneven breathing before the tremors in her arms. He quickly placed his own hands under Carmen's to reinforce her hold on Ella.

"Carmen," he said with alarm. The light had gone out of her eyes. Whatever miracle she was hoping to find in her baby had proved to be a mirage.

"I can't... I can't... I can't do this," Carmen said in a broken voice as her arms went limp, relinquishing her grip over Ella.

"It's okay, sweetie. You're still exhausted. Demerol is running low and I know you are in a lot of pain still. You can spend time with Ella later, okay? Just rest up. Everything will be alright when you wake up next," Edward said gently in an effort to relieve Carmen's distress.

Carmen shook her head, disappointment and unbound sorrow etched across her face.

"You lied..." she said as tears rolled down her cheeks. "Nothing will be okay. Nothing will ever be alright."

Her prophetic words ignited a cold fear in his heart. Holding his tiny daughter in his arms, Edward pleaded with God to prove the ominous uttering wrong, knowing in his heart his prayers would go unheeded.

**Thank you ****Lulabelle98, ****HeidiJoVT,**** and Dinx.**


	52. Chapter 52

**Where the Streets Have No Name**

**Chapter 52**

Carmen was released from the hospital two days later with strict instructions from Dr. Miller to get into an intensive program with Dr. de Luzlow as soon as possible.

The lack of bonding between mother and baby, coupled with Carmen's withdrawn demeanor, flagged warning signs that dashed all hope that Edward had secretly nurtured; hope that his unbound affection and care would be enough for Carmen to beat the odds and dodge depression.

Esme and Alice arrived the day after Ella was born - Carlisle couldn't leave work at such short notice - followed by Elvira and Hector the next day. Their combined chatter of joy and merriment did little to improve the situation at home for Carmen.

She had made it perfectly clear to Edward that Elvira was not to know about her emotional struggles under any circumstances. Nor did she want her in-laws to be privy to her problems. Having the Morenos, not to mention Esme and Alice, staying under the same roof made matters exceedingly difficult for Edward to maintain the facade he knew Carmen wanted to project while making sure she wasn't spiralling down into a crisis.

Other than trying to avert Elvira's attention from Carmen, who had plenty of motherly wisdom to impart on ways Carmen was doing it all wrong in caring for Ella, Edward could do little else.

_"You're holding her wrong! You're gonna snap her little neck."_

_"You better not let yourself go. It's okay you gained all the weight with Ella, but make sure that you lose it, or your career will be history. And that doctor husband of yours won't be waiting on you hand and foot forever either if you look like Dumbo. You know what men are like."_

_"What kind of mother are you? Can't you tell she is hungry?"_

Every passing remark, spoken with nothing but good will, set Carmen back miles in the battle she was already losing.

Each criticism chipped away her resolve just a little more.

**Thank you ****Lulabelle98, ****HeidiJoVT,**** and Dinx.**


	53. Chapter 53

**Where the Streets Have No Name**

**Chapter 53**

Edward watched helplessly. He couldn't very well ask Carmen's mother to cut her visit short, nor could he dictate how she ought to behave around her own daughter, not without divulging Carmen's secret.

He was grateful for the presence of his sister and mother, though even that was beginning to grate on his nerves. He had taken two weeks off from his residency to stay home with his wife and new daughter. He had hoped that it would be enough time to establish a routine for Ella and set Carmen on a treatment plan. But he couldn't get a handle over things with the house teeming with people, none of whom had any clear idea what exactly was at stake.

Alice, ecstatic to be an aunt, was perhaps too enthusiastic to notice anything amiss when she flew back home after three days. Esme, however, recognized something in Carmen's endless fatigue and detachment. During her visit, she had devoted nearly all of her time to dote on Ella, hoping to give Carmen some uninterrupted time to spend with her mother. Sensing Carmen's distress at being harangued by Elvira, Esme tried to step in to comfort the young girl.

"Don't be so hard on her, Elvira," Esme said one day as she heard Elvira make a comment about Carmen's poor housekeeping skills. "Being a mom for the first time is ridiculously tough. You should have seen my house after Edward was born. Besides, the place looks just fine to me. Carmen is doing quite well, all things considered," she added, picking up Ella from her crib to check if she needed to be changed.

She spoke with sincere affection and sympathy, not realizing her words would trigger a devastating outburst in Carmen.

"Considering _what_ things exactly?" Carmen asked in a steely voice.

**Thank you ****Lulabelle98, ****HeidiJoVT,**** and Dinx.**


	54. Chapter 54

**Where the Streets Have No Name**

**Chapter 54**

"Huh?" Esme wasn't sure what Carmen meant.

"You said the house looked fine 'all things considered'. What things, Esme? What did you mean by that? You think I'm a moron. You think I'm some kind of an incompetent idiot, don't you?" Carmen's voice shook as she spewed out her pent up anger at her mother-in-law.

"Oh, for heaven's sake, Carmen! Don't be so melodramatic!" Elvira intervened.

Esme was quite dumbfounded by Carmen's anger, but Elvira's words shook her to action.

"No, no, of course not! I didn't mean that, Carmen. You misunderstood. I was just trying to say that you have a beautiful house and-"

"Don't patronize me!" Carmen didn't let Esme finish her explanation. "I know what you really think of me. Don't think for a second that you can fool me with all your sugar sweet lies. I'm not good enough for your precious son, am I? You think I trapped him into marrying me. You think... you think I'm incapable of taking care of my own daughter.

"Well, fuck you!" Carmen screamed.

Her high pitched voice summoned Edward to the scene. He saw that Carmen was practically shaking with anger. Elvira, standing nearby, was almost frozen in shock. An equally shocked Esme was cowering next to the crib, clutching Ella in her arms who had been roused by the sound of her mother's voice and was now crying at the top of her lungs.

With a sinking heart, Edward took stock of the situation.

Carmen had been pushed past the brink.

She was in the middle of a crisis.

And Ella was in the room.

"Give me my daughter," Carmen demanded as she took a step toward Esme. "I don't want you to touch her. I don't need you, or anybody, to take care of my baby. Give her to me!"

Edward rushed to Carmen's side, praying Esme would have the presence of mind not to be intimidated into handing Ella over to Carmen.

**Thank you ****Lulabelle98, ****HeidiJoVT,**** and Dinx.**


	55. Chapter 55

**Where the Streets Have No Name**

**Chapter 55**

Esme took a step away from Carmen, still holding her granddaughter tightly to her chest. What she saw in Carmen's eyes scared her enough to keep a firm grip on the baby.

"Carmen, sweetheart," Edward began in a soothing voice that he knew worked in the past. "What happened? Can you please tell me what's going on here?"

Elvira chose the moment to assert her presence. "Nothing's going on, Edward. My daughter here is just being a little theatrical. It's only a little misunderstanding-"

"No!" Carmen refuted her mother before she could defuse the situation. "There's no misunderstanding. She -" Carmen pointed at Esme "- insulted me! In my own home! She said I'm incapable of taking care of the house. She called me an unfit mother! How dare she!" Carmen poured out her anger and all the latent insecurities, incapable of reasoning that she was directing them at the wrong person.

"I never said that, Carmen," Esme defended herself, still in disbelief over how the situation was unfolding before her eyes.

"Yes, you did! I want you out of this house right now! You're not coming anywhere near Ella. Give her to me. Then get out! Get out!" Carmen screamed.

Esme looked pleadingly at Edward who had very little time to make a very tough decision: coming to Esme's aid, or side with Carmen and openly alienate his own mother.

He chose Carmen. Getting Ella out of the firing range came before all else, and in order to do that he had to disarm Carmen first. He hoped there would be time for explanations and apologies later, that his mother would forgive him once she knew his constraints.

"Mom, please put Ella down, then leave. Please," he said evenly. "Elvira, can you please stay with Ella for a while?"

"Edward?" Esme said, the pain of betrayal clear in her voice.

"Please, Mom. Just go. Please," Edward pleaded earnestly, hoping his mother would recognize the infliction in his voice and find a clue there.

Whether or not Esme understood his signal, she didn't argue. She carefully handed the crying baby to Elvira then quickly left the room, presumably to pack her bags.

Edward sadly watched his mother go, then turned his attention to Carmen.

**Thank you ****Lulabelle98, ****HeidiJoVT,**** and Dinx.**


	56. Chapter 56

**Where the Streets Have No Name**

**Chapter 56**

Elvira, for once, followed through with Edward's request without making any kind of snide retort and tended to Ella as Edward soothed away Carmen's rage.

Edward did get to apologize to his mother as he drove her to a hotel that day after Carmen fell into a sedated slumber.

Esme understood, of course; she had suspected that something was amiss. Carmen had her sympathies, but her concerns were for Edward and Ella.

"Oh, Edward! How long has this been going on? Why didn't you tell us?"

"I don't know... I just found out a few months ago, and by pure accident too. Carmen... she didn't... she didn't want me to know...

"I didn't know what to do... I mean, I didn't want to upset her any more than absolutely necessary. She feels very... strongly about not sharing it with anyone. Least of all her mother.

"I wanted to tell you and Dad, but... " Edward explained his side of the dilemma the best he could.

"Well, maybe you should talk to Elvira, regardless of what Carmen thinks. Carmen shouldn't be left by herself at home with Ella. As her mother, Elvira's presence has got to have some positive influence..." Esme said uncertainly.

"I'm not sure if I can trust Elvira not to make things worse. You've seen how critical she is. In fact, there's a good chance that at least part of Carmen's problem stems from how her mother acts around her. I don't want to breach Carmen's trust, Mom. I need her to know that she can depend on me. If I tell Elvira and then things go south..." He shook his head. "I can't take that chance."

"You know I would stay if I thought it would help," Esme said.

"I know, Mom. Thank you. I'm really sorry for... for what I did back there. It wasn't your fault, but I made you feel like it was..."

"It's okay, honey. I'm not mad at you, or Carmen. Really. She couldn't help it." Esme put her hand on her son's shoulder to press the point home. "You did the right thing. I can't imagine the kind of pressure you're going through. She's your wife. You need to do what's right for Carmen. And Ella, of course.

"But Edward, I... I can't promise you that I can keep this a secret from your dad," Esme confessed.

Edward sighed. He didn't expect his mother to lie to his father, by omission or otherwise. That's not how their relationship worked.

"I know, Mom. I know."

**Thank you ****Lulabelle98, ****HeidiJoVT,**** and Dinx.**


	57. Chapter 57

**Where the Streets Have No Name**

**Chapter 57**

They drove in silence for the next few minutes.

"You need to hire a nanny for Ella, preferably a live-in. You can't leave Carmen by herself to deal with the baby once you get back to work," Esme said, breaking the silence.

"I was planning on it. I just couldn't get anything done with her parents in the house. Carmen doesn't want one; she thinks she can handle it herself. But I know she can't, Mom. She can hardly bring herself to pick up Ella. I know she's trying and at least making an appearance that she can. But I think it's all a show to placate her mother.

"I'll do what needs to be done to convince her. I just wish I had a little more time. I have just a week before I go back to work." Edward laid out his worries to his mother, relieved to finally have someone to unburden his soul to.

"I can help. I can start making calls for you. You can interview the candidates at my hotel if you don't want to start a fight with Carmen in front of her mom. Once you pick the right person, you can break the news to Carmen. I don't think her parents are planning to stay past this week. Elvira was saying something about Hector's 'mayoral duties'. A week doesn't really give us enough time to screen a lot of people, but I could cash in a few favors and ask friends for recommendations. With some luck we could have it all lined up nicely with your work. What do you think?" Esme offered.

"Geez, that would really mean a lot, Mom. I don't want to tie you up, I know you have commitments back home..."

"Nonsense! What can be more important than my son and granddaughter? Besides, your dad's flying in the day after tomorrow. What? You didn't think he was going to skip meeting Ella, did you?" Esme refuted Edward's objections, relieving Edward's worries to a great extent.

He wished he had reached out to his parents a long time ago instead of shying away from them in fear that they would wag their "told-you-so" finger at him. He felt ashamed for underestimating their compassion.

He promised never again to be so foolish and doubt their love for him.

His pledge would last less than a year. Of course, he didn't know it at the time.

**Thank you ****Lulabelle98, ****HeidiJoVT,**** and Dinx. **


	58. Chapter 58

**Where the Streets Have No Name**

**Chapter 58**

Esme pulled off a miracle and managed to interview fourteen candidates within the week before recommending Nina Roswell; a forty-two year old mother of three with extensive experience in caregiving and child rearing. Her references were solid and she was willing and able to start right away.

Edward met her and had to admit that he couldn't have hoped to find a more competent person at such short notice. He got a good vibe from the woman and knew he would rest easy knowing Ella was in her care while he worked.

The only issue he had to compromise on was the fact that Nina was not available to be a live-in. She was willing to work around the irregular work schedule of his residency, but she insisted that she returned to her home for the night.

Not having too large a pool to pick from, Edward relented.

He wasn't sure how much he ought to reveal to Nina about Carmen's condition. After mulling over it with his parents, he realized that he had little choice but to divulge at least some of the underlying problems, if for nothing then to explain to Nina why the child's mother wasn't present for the interview.

So, he gave her an abridged version of his family situation: Carmen, his wife, was struggling to adjust to parenthood and might not be very welcoming to Nina's appointment as the designated caregiver of their daughter. Angry outbursts were to be expected, but Nina was not to take Carmen's attacks personally. Her responsibility was to care for Ella during the hours Edward was at work. Throughout that time, she was not to burden Carmen with Ella's care unless it was absolutely necessary.

Carmen, once she came down from her wrathful episode against her mother-in-law, was riddled with shame and guilt. The realization that she had needlessly lashed out at the woman who had never been anything but kind to her, not to mention the very person who had bought and decorated the house in which she lived, left her inconsolable. Even though Edward told her that Esme was not holding a grudge and all she needed to do was reach out and apologize, she couldn't bring herself to face the person she had so blatantly wronged.

Edward hoped to take advantage of her self doubt to introduce Nina into their household, and initially, he was successful.

However, Nina's length of tenure at the Cullen household didn't survive past the three month mark, leaving a hard-pressed Edward back where he started the day Ella was born.

**Thank you ****Lulabelle98, ****HeidiJoVT,**** and Dinx.**


	59. Chapter 59

**Where the Streets Have No Name**

**Chapter 59**

When Nina turned in her resignation, she was in tears. She tried to explain to Edward that she was happy enough to look after Ella, but in spite of the warning she had received from Edward about Carmen's less than stable mental state, it turned out she was ill-equipped to deal with an employer who felt constantly threatened by Nina's skills at handling a baby and feared she was being replaced as Ella's mother.

The overt resentment and open hostility was too much for her to take eight to twelve hours a day, four to five days a week. She hoped the young Cullens the best and even offered to help them find her replacement.

Edward thanked Nina for her time and effort, accepted her offer of help in finding another nanny for Ella, and wrote her the final check for services rendered. Then he slumped on the floor as he tried to rip his hair out with both hands.

The past three months hadn't been a walk in the park for him. While Nina's presence allowed him the much needed peace of mind while he was at work, it was temporary and shattered as soon as he returned home.

Carmen was not responding to treatment. The magic cocktail of Paxil and Depatoke that had once worked so well to help Carmen reach a balanced mental state was failing to repeat its success. She didn't like the group sessions, nor did she want to continue trying further drug regimens.

She couldn't begin to form a bond with Ella yet she felt terribly threatened that someone else might, and thus render her useless to both her husband and daughter.

Ella, in all her innocence, didn't help to endear herself to her mother. While she was the picture of serene perfection in her early days, she turned into a colicky nightmare from her second month on. Carmen simply couldn't stand the sound of Ella's endless wailing, opting to let Nina or Edward take turns to lull her.

Yet, she felt slighted and rejected if Ella showed any kind of preference for the company of her father or nanny over her mother.

While at home, Edward had to be the sole source of care and nurturing for both Carmen and Ella. His gruelling hours at the hospital zapped him of nearly all his energy, yet he had to find a way to wring out more to assuage Carmen's fears, make sure she ate, bathed, and had taken her meds, as well as change, feed, and rock Ella to sleep, not to mention get up at least twice during the night when Ella's cry came through the baby monitor. He felt tired and drained.

His patience with Carmen was wearing thin, and on days he had to bite his tongue to keep from retorting back a snide remark or lash out with the equal force Carmen was attacking him with.

_It's not her fault. She can't help it._He kept repeating that to himself.

None of that made any difference. The truth remained that he had to find a replacement for Nina before the month was out. He might need his mother's help again. With a resigned sigh, he picked up the phone to place a call to his Residency Director to request yet another family leave.

**Thank you ****Lulabelle98, ****HeidiJoVT,**** and Dinx.**


	60. Chapter 60

**Where the Streets Have No Name**

**Chapter 60**

The next three months went from bad to worse on the home front.

Nina's replacement, a charmingly beautiful Jessica Trools, lasted one month exactly. She was in her early thirties and came armed with a child psychology degree. However, that didn't help her much when Carmen accused her of trying to seduce Edward and alienating Ella from her mother. Jessica practically ran out of the Cullen house, sobbing as she did so.

Sadly, it seemed a lasting damage had already occurred in Carmen by the time the second nanny took her leave. If Jessica's short employment as Ella's caregiver had left any impression behind, it was to make Carmen's preexisting insecurities about her body and looks grow a thousand fold.

She was convinced that the pregnancy fat would never come off and that no man would ever desire her in her current form. She couldn't bear to look at her own reflection in the mirror and wouldn't even allow Edward to be in the room while she changed. Edward's repeated assurance that she was just as beautiful as she was before she got pregnant with Ella couldn't dislodge her anxiety. Their sex life had dwindled to nothingness since several months prior to Ella's birth and it was yet to make a reappearance. The recent events drove Carmen's libido even further into the trenches.

What was worse, the experience left Carmen particularly reticent to hire another nanny to look after Ella, insisting that she was more than capable of doing it herself. She accused Edward of never fully placing any trust in her as far as Ella was concerned, and to a great degree perhaps she was right.

Dr. de Luzlow's words rang through Edward's mind from when he had attended joint sessions with Carmen. The goal of Carmen's treatment was not to perpetually protect Carmen from Ella and vice versa, but to help Carmen reach a point whereby she could break free from her fears of failure and be the mother she needed to be for her daughter. In order to achieve that, Edward had to show faith in his wife. He had to relinquish control over to Carmen and trust her to find the instinctual maternity that lay dormant in her.

Edward realized that he had never really given Carmen the chance to find her strengths within for Ella, at least not unsupervised. He had focused nearly all his efforts in protecting Ella. Perhaps he did owe Carmen the opportunity to show that she could transcend the chemical imbalance in her body and come through for their daughter.

Thus, against his better judgment, Edward agreed to a trial period to allow Carmen the chance she deserved. To be Ella's mother, unhindered and unbridled by hired caregivers and his mistrust.

In hindsight, he should have known better.

**Thank you ****Lulabelle98, ****HeidiJoVT,**** and Dinx.**

**You can find me on twitter: ToTheDreaming**

**And on Facebook: ****Dreamofthe Endless**

**Come and talk to me if you like. ****Oh, and hope you'll review too. **

**Much love:)**


	61. Chapter 61

**Where the Streets Have No Name**

**Chapter 61**

Edward walked Carmen through the dos and don'ts that made up Ella's daily routine. Reminded her for the umpteenth time to call him at the hospital if she felt stressed about anything. Then left home with trepidation, leaving Ella in Carmen's care for the first time since she was born.

The frantic call for help came before noon.

Carmen still refused to admit defeat. It was after all only her first day alone with Ella, she would surely get a better grip over things in a few days.

Edward reluctantly agreed to extend the trial period.

The next day, the call came even before he could park his car at the hospital.

He came home to find a wailing Ella in her nursery with Carmen rocking back and forth on the floor, her hands covering her ears to stave off the noise, muttering to herself, "Shut up, shut up, shut up!" in a constant loop.

Edward rushed to Ella, used every trick he knew to calm her down, then came to Carmen's rescue.

He reasoned with Carmen, once she was coherent, about why this could not go on. He couldn't abscond from work without authorization every day. Neither was there a magic wand that could be waved to guarantee Ella's compliance.

They needed help. Like it or not, Carmen had to accept it.

Carmen hated to admit defeat, but she agreed begrudgingly.

However, finding nanny number three became a challenge. It seemed the Cullen household had earned quite the reputation among the childcare providing agencies in Seattle. Edward had to widen the net to find a recruit.

Renate Foss, a woman in her early fifties seemed like a godsend. This time, Edward made a full disclosure and didn't bother to sugarcoat what Renate was likely to face in his home. He laid down all his cards on the table: His wife was suffering from postpartum depression with bipolar tendencies. Her behavior was withdrawn on good days and violently volatile on the bad ones.

Renate was to navigate the mine fields and persevere in the face of discomfort and rejection. Yes, he realized he was demanding quite a lot from her. In compensation, he was willing to pay her twenty percent above the going rate that one paid to have a nanny.

Much to Edward's relief, Renate agreed.

**Thank you ****Lulabelle98, ****HeidiJoVT,**** and Dinx.**


	62. Chapter 62

**Where the Streets Have No Name**

**Chapter 62**

The coming months proved to be of mixed blessings. Ella was in good hands with Renate, which was a source of great relief for Edward. However, he could hardly take comfort in it as Carmen seemed to slide deeper and deeper within herself.

Her lukewarm agreement to appointing a new caregiver for Ella soured quickly. The more it became evident that she wouldn't be able to get rid of Renate with the same ease as she did Nina and Jessica, the more she lashed out against Edward for undermining her wishes.

Everyday, her anger and frustration pursued newer avenues to manifest. Beginning with refusal to take medication, advancing onto food - then both. Edward put his foot down; however much he wanted to appease Carmen, he couldn't -_ wouldn't_- compromise Ella's safety and well-being to accomplish that.

Carmen grew progressively more sullen and withdrawn. His words of comfort were ignored, his touches were repelled. The eroding shield of Edward's patience gathered more dents and chinks with every passing day.

Eventually there came a time when Edward himself became stoic and indifferent. Carmen's temper tantrums turned more and more volatile, yet he found himself to be concerned about them less and less.

In his mind he still knew that Carmen couldn't be held responsible for her actions. That she was just as much a prisoner of the circumstances as he was, and that to a large part he carried the blame that led them to their predicament. But his sense of empathy dulled a little each time he had to wake up during the night to tend to Ella because his wife simply wouldn't, or come home after a twelve-hour shift to find that Carmen had yet again shattered every single mirror in the house because she couldn't bring herself to look at her own reflection.

He couldn't understand why Carmen, in all appearances, wasn't even trying to get better. He was doing his best, wasn't he? He gave her nearly everything she demanded, catered to almost all of her whims. He did all he could to ensure Carmen got professional help; he took on the role of the only functional parent to their daughter to relieve Carmen of the added stress. Why couldn't she at least make a token gesture to meet him half way?

However, in spite of the general tepid nature of their relationship, he had never lashed back at Carmen verbally, nor did he ever indulge in frivolous name calling during their fights. Instead, he staved off Carmen's attacks with pursed lips and a resilient silence.

Perhaps because he sensed that Carmen resented his indifference far more than him opposing her openly.

Perhaps because in a small way he wanted Carmen to taste the bitter medicine he was forced to swallow everyday.

The status quo could not have lasted forever.

Perhaps Edward knew that as well. Although he couldn't have guessed how his life would come to a screeching halt in the least expected way.

**Thank you ****Lulabelle98, ****HeidiJoVT,**** and Dinx.**


	63. Chapter 63

**Where the Streets Have No Name**

**Chapter 63**

Perhaps not surprisingly, the chain of events that led up to the disaster that became their lives was triggered the day Renate had to leave work early. She had notified Edward in plenty of time and he knew that he had to be home by five that day as Renate wouldn't be able to stay beyond quarter past the hour. Her sister was having cataract surgery and would need a ride back home after being released from the hospital.

Incidentally, it was also the day nearly the entire graduating class of James A. Garfield High School came down with food poisoning and the ER was flooded with achy teenagers and their frantic parents. All junior residents were called on board. Amidst administering treatment to the afflicted children and fielding questions on how soon the CDC would sweep in to establish a perimeter, Edward knew he wouldn't be able to get back home in time to take over from Renate.

His best estimations suggested that the soonest he would be able to clock out would be six at least. For nearly an hour, Carmen would be left in charge of Ella's care.

It wasn't ideal, but Edward reasoned that it wouldn't pose too great a stress on Carmen. It would give her the chance to venture out of her shell and test the waters of motherhood again. He would be home soon anyway.

He called and spoke with Renate and Carmen to make sure his delay wouldn't cause a panic, then spent the remaining hours of the day trying to stave off a panic attack himself. He loved his daughter, but he also knew that Ella wasn't an easy child to look after. She could be cranky and clingy with little regard for her mother's low tolerance for loud noises.

It was half past six when he finally arrived home. He expected to hear Ella's cry and Carmen's frantic attempts to escape them, but as he crossed the threshold, he was surprised by a perfectly quiet house.

Ella, for a change, wasn't crying.

He couldn't hear Carmen either.

All the furniture seemed to be intact as well.

Allowing his hope to rise, Edward moved farther into the house and was truly shocked by what he found in the kitchen.

**Thank you ****Lulabelle98, ****HeidiJoVT,**** and Dinx.**


	64. Chapter 64

**Where the Streets Have No Name**

**Chapter 64**

Carmen was making her way from the kitchen toward the living-cum-dining space carrying a casserole. There was no clutter; there was no mess. The place looked impeccably clean with light music playing in the background adding to the ambiance. Scented candles were lit and placed strategically to illuminate the place just right.

The table was laid with their best china and silver. Smell of freshly made fajita reached his nose, reminding him how hungry he was.

But it was Carmen who surprised Edward the most. Or her appearance to be more precise.

Carmen looked... perfectly alright.

In fact, she looked normal.

Instead of the bathrobe that usually hung around her frame, she had an elegantly stylish cocktail dress on. The sickly palor that her skin had begun to take was skillfully veiled under makeup. Her eyes were bright with spirit and anticipation.

Noticing his presence, Carmen turned and flashed him a smile.

"Edward, you're home!" she said with enthusiasm as if she had been looking forward to his arrival.

She sounded lucid and alert. She looked nothing like the woman he had left home that morning. Quite the opposite in fact.

The woman standing before him with her coy smile and inviting eyes reminded Edward of the Carmen he had met over a year ago.

"Carmen?" he said, questioning more than acknowledging her presence. "What's going on?"

Carmen gave him a perplexed look, as if it was an everyday event for Edward to come home to a warm meal and a loving wife.

"What? It's just dinner. Come on, don't look so shocked. You know I can cook," Carmen said with clever nonchalance.

Edward kept staring with his jaw agape. This was too good to be true. Had Carmen started her meds again? What did she take? A new cocktail? What made her come back from the brink? Had she really?

Her eyes didn't hold the tell-tale euphoric restlessness of a hyper state. Though he hadn't witnessed Carmen go through too many of those in the past year; her symptoms manifesting mostly toward the down end of the spectrum.

Yet there she stood, seemingly whole and all put together.

_God, please let this be true._

**Thank you ****Lulabelle98, ****HeidiJoVT,**** and Dinx.**


	65. Chapter 65

**Where the Streets Have No Name**

**Chapter 65**

Collecting himself as quickly as he could, Edward smiled at her.

"I know you can cook, it's just..." Edward paused, deciding to say something positive instead of pointing out that she hadn't cooked anything for the better part of a year. "It's just you weren't feeling all that well... lately. I'm just a little surprised. And happy, of course. You look great, by the way. You did this all on your own?" Edward spoke cautiously, hoping that nothing in his words or voice would cause this bubble to burst.

Putting the casserole down on the table, Carmen approached Edward. She didn't appear to be put off by the uncertainty in his tone.

"Renate put Ella down for the night and so I thought maybe we could have the evening just to ourselves. I know I haven't been-" She seemed to be looking for the right word "-the easiest person to be around these days. But... but I want to do better. And I think I can," she said with conviction, gently reaching out to place her hands around Edward's neck.

Caught between disbelief and hope, Edward could only nod.

"I know you can. I'm just so glad you... you realized that," he said as he dutifully gathered her close to him.

She pulled away first and began recounting her plans for the evening. "I made chicken fajita, 'cause I know they're your favorite," she said excitedly.

Chicken fajita wasn't Edward's favorite food, but he wasn't about to refute her, not when she was this enthusiastic about it. The fact that she didn't know what he liked to eat belonged to a whole different can of worms that was best left unopened.

"Thank you, Carm. It smells wonderful. I can't wait to try it," he said instead.

"Then I thought you and I could just veg out in front of the TV. Rent a movie maybe? We could crack open that bottle of champagne Kate gave us for housewarming. And then... who knows?" she said, averting her eyes and biting her lip in a suggestive manner, leaving little room for doubt about how she hoped the evening would turn out once champagne came into play.

**Thank you ****Lulabelle98, ****HeidiJoVT,**** and Dinx.**


	66. Chapter 66

**Where the Streets Have No Name**

**Chapter 66**

Edward was too surprised to form words. These past few months he had been clinging on to hope that Carmen would pull through, that she would get her act together and accept the help that was being offered to her. While he was elated to see these sudden but positive changes in her, he wasn't sure if jumping into intimacy was the smartest idea. He weighed the merits of setting aside caution and just going with the flow against how badly Carmen might react to rejection.

He couldn't decide but figured he had the rest of the evening to formulate a strategy. For now something else nagged at his mind. He realized with a pang of guilt that he had been so engrossed by this sudden change in Carmen that he hadn't checked up on Ella yet.

"That sounds perfect. I'll just check on Ella and take a quick shower. I'll be back before you know it. Can't wait to dig into those fajitas," he said as he began to turn toward the staircase, but was stopped in his track by Carmen's restraining hands.

"No, don't!" she said with urgency, revealing a slight note of panic in her voice. "You know how cranky she gets when she wakes up from sleep. For once she's sleeping quietly. Let her be. We'll hear her on the monitor if she gets up," Carmen said as she pointed at the white plastic device resting atop the fridge.

"Plus, the food will get cold. You know they don't re-heat well. Come on, shower later. Just be with me now," Carmen insisted.

Edward was torn for a moment. Carmen was right. It wasn't very often that Ella allowed them uninterrupted hours of calm and quiet. It was a rare opportunity. On the other hand the father in him wanted to see the visual proof that his little girl was alright.

"Please," Carmen pleaded earnestly. "Can't we just have a little adult time to ourselves? She's fine; she's sleeping. Let her be. You can check on her later. I'll go check on her myself. After dinner."

Edward relented after a moment of second thought. Carmen was trying. She hadn't been this reasonable or cooperative in a very long time. Even if it was a temporary respite before the storm, he owed it to her to give her a chance and his full attention.

Giving the staircase leading up to the nursery a doleful look, Edward made up his mind. He would check on Ella soon enough. He would keep his ear out for the baby monitor. Carmen needed him more right now.

"Alright, let's eat," he said and allowed Carmen to pull him toward the dining table.

**Thank you ****Lulabelle98, ****HeidiJoVT,**** and Dinx.**

**Thank you jmolly, my 3000th reviewer. If only you could see my lame attempt at trying to keep myself glued to the chair and not dance around the office. I love you BIG times! Thank you thank you thank you!**

**A special thanks to Chloe Masen for leaving a really awesome review for my OS, Forgive Me Not and rec-ing it in a FB group (now, that never happens!). I think I just about cried. I know it has nothing to do with this story, but maybe someday she'll read it, and will be happy to know how much her words meant to me.**

**Finally, thanks to this ridiculously good looking British guy called Robert Pattinson. His Cosmopolis clips/pics kept me on a constant high today. **

**Apologies for the long AN! **

**Hope you'll review...**


	67. Chapter 67

**Where the Streets Have No Name**

**Chapter 67**

Dinner passed amicably enough. Carmen filled the air between them with lively chatter like she used to when they first met. She was her old self again it seemed.

His skeptical side warned him against getting his hopes too high too fast, but Edward couldn't help but start wondering that perhaps what he was witnessing was in fact the light at the end of the tunnel. That perhaps Carmen was indeed getting better, or at least had started taking the first steps toward healing and well-being.

She was talking about going back to school and finishing her program, and how important it was that she started networking again so she could be in the loop.

"You know what a cut throat business it is," Carmen said as she made a motion of severing her carotid artery in a theatrical gesture in reference to broadcast journalism. "I've already fallen behind the race, but I think I can make up for the lost time if I got back on the game now.

"Did you know, Kate will be interning for ABC this summer? Can you believe it? My credentials are way better than hers! I mean, I love her and all, and I'm totally happy for her, but she wouldn't have made the cut if I were in the running for the spot."

Edward nodded and "A-ha"-d in appropriate places, agreeing and encouraging her along. His wife was truly being herself for the first time in nearly a year. He didn't want to jeopardize his good luck by saying the wrong thing.

"Not that I care. I don't want to waste a summer slave laboring for ABC. CNN or NBC maybe. But no matter what I do, I'm not ending my career as the perky weather girl at a local cable channel..."

Carmen carried on an enthralled monologue with Edward as her loyal audience.

As dinner came to a conclusion, Carmen suggested that they open a bottle of wine and take it to the living room to enjoy the remainder of their evening.

"I'll get it," Edward volunteered. "You go ahead and relax. Pick out a movie, why don't you?"

He deposited the used plates and dishes into the sink and pulled out two wine glasses from the kitchen cupboard. He then reached inside the fridge to retrieve the bottle of wine when an errant thought struck his mind.

He had been home for a little over an hour and all this time Ella hadn't cried even once. As records go, It certainly was her personal best.

Edward pondered the chances of both the girls in his life deciding to give him a break precisely at the same time.

It wasn't impossible but it didn't seem very probable either.

Crunching his brow, he looked at the baby monitor sitting over the fridge. It was still quiet.

Too quiet.

**Thank you ****Lulabelle98, ****HeidiJoVT,**** and Dinx. **


	68. Chapter 68

**Where the Streets Have No Name**

**Chapter 68**

Edward sat down the wine bottle on the counter top and reached for the baby monitor. The front-side of the device that sported the speaker outlet and the control nobs was turned toward the wall.

Edward slowly turned it around in his hand, an overpowering sense of unease guiding his actions.

The baby monitor was switched off.

Edward would never be able to pinpoint the exact emotion that flashed through his mind in the seconds following his discovery.

Dread, shame, anger, hate, fear; they all vied for sole dominance.

Dread for what he might find when he went to Ella's nursery.

Shame for whiling away so much time enjoying food without ensuring his daughter's safety first.

Anger toward himself for being so susceptible to an easy ruse.

Hate toward Carmen for luring him away from his duty with her cunning ploy and by playing on his guilt.

But perhaps the foremost of them all, fear that he might have lost the most precious thing he had in his life - Ella.

_Andrea Yates. _

_Susan Smith. _

_Marybeth Tinning._

A slew of infamous names paraded through the fear gripped thoroughfare of his psyche.

Carmen was alone with Ella for over an hour. How long did it take to drown a baby Ella's age? Or snuff out her life with a pillow?

_God, no. Please don't let her be dead._

A cold terror filled his heart and nearly rendered him paralyzed. He couldn't bring his fingers to turn on the baby monitor, lest the sound wave that came through it proved his worst fears.

What if it stayed silent even after he turned it on?

_What if..._

Instead he pricked his ear to hear Ella's cries coming from her room upstairs. It was a big house, but it was still possible to hear a baby's wail, however subdued.

He heard nothing.

_No, no, no, no, no..._

He knew he needed to run up the stairs and go to the nursery, but his legs refused to aid him. His knee joints trembled in strain and threatened to cave.

With shaky hands, he turned the nob to bring the baby monitor to life.

**Thank you ****Lulabelle98, ****HeidiJoVT,**** and Dinx.**

**I love you, my readers. More than you know. **


	69. Chapter 69

**Where the Streets Have No Name**

**Chapter 69**

A pain-filled wheezing sound filled the room.

Ella had tired out her little lungs crying for who knew how long. But in that instant, her whimper of distress brought immeasurable relief to Edward.

Ella was alive.

He didn't know why he couldn't hear her cries until now, nor did he care at the moment. She was alive, albeit in pain, and that was all that mattered to him.

Clutching the baby monitor in his hand he took in a long needed breath of oxygen. He had to find Ella; see her with his own eyes.

He literally collided with Carmen on his way out of the kitchen. The noise from the baby monitor had to have alerted her.

To her credit, she had the good sense to look ashamed.

"I... I just thought maybe... It's not what you..." She stammered out the words that didn't quite form an explanation. Not that Edward was in any state of mind to give her a fair hearing.

Piercing her with a deadly glare, he shoved past her toward the staircase and bounded up the stairs two at a time until he reached Ella's nursery.

The door which was usually left ajar was closed shut. That partly explained why he couldn't hear Ella from the kitchen. Edward noticed that further effort had been expended to make the nursery soundproof; a bunch of towels were stuffed underneath the door which prevented even the feeble sound of cry from escaping too far.

As he stood outside the nursery, he could hear the faint sound of Ella's whimper. Kicking away the towels, Edward opened the door and rushed inside the room. Ella was lying in her crib, wheezing out short, pitiful breaths of exhaustion.

"It's okay, it's okay, Princess. Daddy's here. Sshhh," Edward said as he cradled Ella against his chest.

Sensing a sympathetic presence, Ella began to wail with renewed vigor, making her objections to being left alone for so long known with a piercing, keening shriek.

Carmen, who had followed Edward from downstairs, took a step back as if she had been struck, visibly distressed by Ella's cries.

"Edward-" she started tentatively.

"What the fuck is wrong with you?" Edward cut her short, for once not caring that his tone might upset Carmen or scare Ella even more.

Carmen lowered her head. She had been caught with the smoking gun that screamed of neglect and abuse toward her child. She realized that in one sweeping move, she had lost the substantial leverage she held over Edward.

"I needed to talk to you... but she cries all the time. I was going to check on her soon, I swear -" she tried again sheepishly, trying to get her voice heard over Ella's screams.

"Not now, Carmen!" he hissed through his teeth, interrupting her again. "I can't even look at you right now. I need to make sure my daughter is unharmed and well. So, just leave."

He had never spoken to his wife this such ferocity or harshness before, but right at that moment he couldn't bring himself to care about her fragile psyche.

"Get out!" he thundered when Carmen still hadn't made an attempt to leave the room, startling her with the venom in his voice.

The bitter reality finally dawned on Carmen.

Edward truly wanted her gone.

With heavy feet and tears streaming down her face, Carmen left Ella's nursery, and her crumbling life behind.

**Thank you ****Lulabelle98, ****HeidiJoVT,**** and Dinx.**


	70. Chapter 70

**Where the Streets Have No Name**

**Chapter 70**

Crying and fussing for attention wasn't new for Ella. As much as he loved his daughter, Edward wouldn't be able to deny that Ella was a cranky child. She craved constant human contact and threw feats of rage if it wasn't given to her immediately.

Edward, ever the indulging father, was prone to caving to her demands whenever he was at home. His heart clenched at the thought of how his precious daughter was being deprived of the most fundamental of all gifts most infants received without asking; the gift of a mother's love.

He felt as though Ella could sense the lacking element in her life even without ever having the chance to enjoy it, and fruitlessly sought it from those around with the only means she had at her disposal; through relentless wails and tears.

He berated himself for failing Ella at such a basic level. He knew he could never bring to the table what only a mother could, but an overwhelming sense of inadequacy pushed him to at least try and fulfil both roles during the limited time he had to spend with his daughter.

Not surprisingly, it took longer than normal for him to comfort her to sleep that day. Once he had laid her down in her crib, he gently wiped her face and inspected her tiny form for bruises and injuries, or any telltale sign of shaking.

He was relieved to find none.

_What was Carmen thinking?_

His anger returned as the scenario of the evening played back in his mind. Ella could have been smothered, she could have suffered an asthma attack brought on by prolonged crying. Any number of things could have gone wrong.

Carmen claimed that she didn't mean to hurt Ella, and perhaps she didn't intend for any harm to fall on their baby, but that didn't excuse her showing such utter disregard for Ella's safety. Nothing did.

He marched on to their bedroom to find Carmen quietly weeping on the bed. Her makeup had smeared and was running down her face like a spiderweb of ink.

The sight didn't rouse sympathy in Edward. He was well past the point of caring.

"What exactly were you thinking, Carmen? How long were you planning on leaving her locked up in that soundproof box?" he asked in a steely voice.

**Thank you ****Lulabelle98, ****HeidiJoVT,**** and Dinx.**

**Thanks to the awesomeness that are the ladies from the FB Angst group. I'd like to hug you all!**

**Much of what is to come in the next few chapters is heavily drawn from life. If you have any questions about it, I'd be happy to answer. **


	71. Chapter 71

**Where the Streets Have No Name**

**Chapter 71**

Carmen looked up with scared and remorseful eyes.

"I- I just wanted a little quiet... Edward, she cries _all _the time. I can't even hear myself think. I swear I was going to check on her-"

"Do you have _any _idea how many things could have gone wrong?" Edward cut her off, disregarding her haltingly formed explanation. "Ella could have been smothered, she could've-"

"No, no. I made sure there were no choking hazards in her crib. I even took out the pillow and the blanket. She would have been fine. Renate fed her before she left and I made sure she was dry and-"

"And that makes it okay to lock up our six-month old baby in a room and then turn a deaf ear by switching off the baby monitor? For heaven's sake, Carmen, that's negligence! Ella's a baby. Babies cry. That's normal.

"You don't have to clean her or feed her. Hell, you don't even have to hold her. Someone else does it _for you._You couldn't even put up with her for an hour? Jesus!"

Carmen lowered her head, unable to look Edward in the eye, as her large tears of shame splattered into her lap.

"I would _never_ hurt her, Edward. I love my daughter, I do. I know I'm not... Just because I'm struggling with... Just because I have some... problems, and not very good at caring _for_ her, doesn't mean I don't care _about _Ella," Carmen said, wiping the tears with both hands and looking him in the eyes pleadingly.

"I needed to talk to you. I had to tell you something, but I couldn't... I just couldn't think straight with... with all the... with Ella in the background. I had to... I was going to turn on the monitor and check on her soon, I swear. I just needed a little more time," she added.

"Time for what?" Edward spat out the words with undisguised wrath. "Tell me, Carmen, what was so important that you couldn't tell me without locking Ella away? What could be so_ freakin' _important that you needed pin-drop silence, huh? How you're the second coming since Walter Cronkite? How the world is tripping over its feet to have you grace the TV screen?

"Well, guess what? I don't give a rat's ass about any of that banal bullshit!"

Edward began to pace in agitation, not sparing a thought to how his words might affect Carmen.

"You know what I do care about, Carmen? I care about Ella. I care about _my_ daughter. I care whether she's fed or not. Whether she's sick, whether she's clean. I care about _her_ future and about _her_ happiness. You know why? 'Cause someone has to and it sure as hell isn't _you_!" Edward pointed his finger at her as he uttered his final words.

Carmen gasped in shock. Edward had never spoken to her with such venom. He could see the pain on Carmen's face, but his heart didn't have room for pity. Not for her, not at that moment.

"H-how could you say that? I never wanted this. I d-didn't want any of this. Y-you made me-" Carmen protested through tears, but Edward didn't let her go too far.

"Don't you _dare_ try and turn the table on me!" he snapped at her with force. Whatever guilt he usually carried on his shoulders for pressuring his wife into responsibilities she was ill-prepared to undertake had evaporated much earlier that evening. "Whatever _I_ did, I did in good faith. I did what I believed was right. But _you_-" he pointed at her again as he took a few steps toward her "-you lied to me."

**Thank you ****Lulabelle98, ****HeidiJoVT,**** and Dinx.**


	72. Chapter 72

**Where the Streets Have No Name**

**Chapter 72**

Color drained from her face and she shrank away from him as if his words had struck her physically.

"H-how...?" She formed the lone word with difficulty, fear evident on her face.

"You hid from me the key fact that you're a closeted basket case! You neglected to mention, until it was too late, that you're _crazy_." He made a circling motion with his hand next to his right ear to drive the point home. "You even kept popping meds that you _knew _could hurt Ella.

"So, don't you dare wag your finger at me now, Carmen. I did nothing but try, _and try_, to make things easier for you. I bent over backwards to make you happy. I did everything in my power to get you the help you needed.

"It's not my fault that you refuse get better. It's not my fault you are a sorry excuse for a mother, and it's _definitely _not my fault you're a miserable human being." Edward was yelling at the cowering form on the bed, but he was far from being through.

"Well, you know what? I'm done with this. I'm through with your insane demands, and I'm through with this high-wire act. I'm through with _you_. If you can't get your shit together, if you won't even try to get well, then just leave," he said with icy finality.

"Don't... You don't mean that..." Carmen whispered pitifully.

"Oh, but I do, Carmen. You've made it abundantly clear that I can't make you happy. And you obviously can't even stand to be near Ella.

"Well, if I'm not enough - if _our baby _is not enough to make you want to get better - then it's best that you look for your inspiration someplace else. It's not like Ella will ever know the difference. I doubt she even knows that you're her mother."

By the time Edward ended his spiteful rant, Carmen was sobbing uncontrollably. In lieu of such a powerful outpouring of all his pent up rage, he felt exhausted and drained. He hadn't fully calmed down from the height of his fury, but he felt too tired to continue berating Carmen.

Push had finally come to shove, and something had to give.

He decided to spend the night on the rocking chair in Ella's nursery and let Carmen stew in her misery by herself. Some hard thinking was in order for her and damn if he would coddle her through this.

As he left the room, he thought he heard Carmen utter a few disjointed words.

"I-I'm s-sorry..."

He didn't turn back, still too annoyed to be assuaged with such a measly apology. Not knowing those would be the last spoken words he would ever hear from Carmen.

**Thank you ****Lulabelle98, ****HeidiJoVT,**** and Dinx.**


	73. Chapter 73

**Where the Streets Have No Name**

**Chapter 73**

**Coming back to the night at the bar...**

Edward reminisced about the past year of his life under the lulling haze of alcohol.**  
><strong>  
>His life was a mess; he resigned himself to the truth. A long series of mistakes and miscalculations - some his own, others less so - had brought him to this inevitable point. But nothing could be gained from venturing into the unforgiving playground of 'what could have been'.<p>

With the hours passed and liquor consumed, the stark edges of reality began to lose some of its sharpness. Edward could sense his constant companions, guilt and helplessness, creep back into his mind, slowly replacing the fruitless anger that had taken over him the night before.

There was plenty of blame to go around for both Carmen and him. She was a terrible mother to Ella. And an emotionally absentee wife. But only because he had pushed her into the roles that she never wanted to play.

Yes, he provided her with all the material comfort his inheritance and salary could buy, but he had failed to love her like a wife deserved. How distressing it had to be for a woman with Carmen's affliction to be embroiled in a charade of a relationship like theirs.

At first, he had harbored hope that love would come with time; that familiarity and shared parenthood would draw them close.

How naive and foolish he had been.

The only emotions he was able to produce for his wife after over a year of marriage was resentment and fear.

What a miserable fate he had sentenced them to.

He wasn't the only one suffering. Carmen was too suffering alongside him.

He was too harsh on Carmen last night, he conceded. She had veered off into dangerous grounds with regard to Ella's safety and she needed to be set straight that this could never happen again, but he didn't have to be so mean spirited about it. It wasn't her fault that she was battling a mental illness. As a physician, he ought to possess a greater sense of empathy than anyone else. Yet he lashed out at her with the full force of his wrath. Holding back nothing, sparing no punches.

In her own way, she was trying to reach out to him. But he was too angry to listen.

A sudden remorse flooded his heart.

He hadn't even bothered to check in on Carmen when he left home for work that morning. He had showered in one of the guest bathrooms to avoid running into her. When he was handing Ella over to Renate, the thought of asking the caregiver to keep an eye on his wife crossed his mind, but he had sullenly brushed it aside.

He inspected the golden liquid that remained in his glass. instead of washing it down, he set it back on the table before him, deciding to call it a night. He had allowed himself plenty of time to wallow. It was time he went home and relieved Renate of her charge. While she understood and accepted the irregular hours that came with her job, Edward didn't like to burden the woman needlessly.

He silently vowed to make amends with Carmen as well; apologize if need be.

He motioned for the bartender to settle his tab when his cell phone buzzed in his pocket.

He hazarded a guess that it was Renate calling to inquire how much longer her services would be required that night. After all, it was way past the hour he usually got home.

But the caller ID that flashed across the screen of his phone surprised him.

_Kate?_

**My heartfelt apologies for the FF fail.**

**Thank you ****Lulabelle98, ****HeidiJoVT,**** and Dinx.**

**A monumental thanks to cherryhilz and Breath-of-twilight for making Christmas come early! BIG kisses and hugs for the words you shared!**

**I haven't written back to you for a while on purpose. I want this part of the story to be out there first, so I don't ruin it for you with my big mouth. As some of you may have noticed, I can't keep a secret to save my life!**

**Much love! Please review:)**

**PS: I am realizing that many of you don't recall Kate. Check ch 49. Kate was mentioned there as Carmen's friend.**


	74. Chapter 74

**Where the Streets Have No Name**

**Chapter 74**

He couldn't think of any reason why Carmen's friend would call him at all. Perhaps she had mistakenly chosen his number, thinking she was calling Carmen?

There was only one way to find out.

He pressed the green button.

"Hello, Kate."

_"Oh, hi, Edward. Sorry to bother you, but I was wondering if...Uh... could you pass the phone to Carmen, please,"_ Kate said from the other end. _"I can't seem to get her on the line."_

"I would love to, but I'm still at work, I'm afraid. She probably just let the battery die on her again. I'll be home in less than an hour, but why don't you try the home number?" Edward suggested.

The pause Kate took was uncomfortably long. He thought he could hear her mutter a curse.

_"You're not home? I... Edward... Uh... when did you speak to her last?" _Edward could sense hesitancy on Kate's part and he didn't like it.

"What's the matter, Kate?" he asked.

_"I'm not sure, probably nothing. I don't want to start any kind of unnecessary panic. It's just... would you please make sure Carmen gives me a call when you get home?"_

Her cryptically worded assurance did nothing to repel his rising concern.

"Would you please just tell me what the hell is going on? What's up with you and Carmen all of a sudden? Why do you need her so urgently?"

Kate took another hesitant pause.

_"She was at my place today. This afternoon. You know I'm moving to New York, right? Well, a few of our friends were here. Just hanging out, you know. Saying goodbye. Anyway, I didn't think Carmen would show up at all, but she did. She looked quite well to me. She even brought Ella with her..." _Kate trailed off, pausing again as if she couldn't make up her mind whether she should proceed or not.

"Was Renate with them?" Edward prodded. The news was surprising indeed. Carmen seldom left the house. Even when she did, it was rarely with Ella. And definitely not without help on hand.

_"No, it was just the two of them. Like I said, she looked really well. But... I mean, I'm sure it's nothing. It's just... after she left, I noticed that my sleep medication was gone. Most of my friends know that I'm on prescription for insomnia, but not everyone knows where I keep them."_

Kate took another pause as Edward's sluggish brain tried to connect the dots and make sense of what she was suggesting.

_"Like I said, I'm probably only being paranoid. It's just that I've been trying to call her ever since, but she isn't answering her cell and no one's picking up the house phone..._

_"With all the packing and moving, I'm sure I misplaced the pill bottle and now worrying about nothing. I... I'd feel a lot better if you just made sure she's alright and have her call me, okay?"_

Edward's mind went into a paralytic stupor not unlike the one he had experienced the evening before when he picked up the silent baby monitor. This couldn't be happening to him again.

_"...you still there? Edward, can you hear me?" _He heard Kate's worried voice.

"When?" he asked in a raspy voice, the gravity of what Kate's message implied was sobering him up rapidly. "When did she leave your place?"

_"A few hours, I don't know. I noticed the pills missing about twenty minutes ago. I'm sure-"_

Edward disconnected the phone before Kate could finish. He had to go home, and he had to get there fast.

_Please don't let me be too late._

**Thank you ****Lulabelle98, ****HeidiJoVT,**** and Dinx.**


	75. Chapter 75

**Where the Streets Have No Name**

**Chapter 75**

As he flew out of the place, Edward vaguely recalled the barkeep yelling at him about confiscating his car keys. On any other occasion, he would have handed them over to the guy at the bar and obediently wait for the cab to haul him home. But not today.

Today, he couldn't spare any time.

He sped through the streets toward the suburbs, breaking the speed limit without a second thought to his own safety or others on the road. He tried to call Carmen on her cell. It went to her voice mail. He tried again with the same result. He tried their home number next. Just as Kate had vouched, that too went to the machine.

He called Renate on her cell next.

"Dr. Cullen?" Renate asked as she answered, sounding surprised by his untimely call.

"Renate, where are you?" he nearly barked into the phone.

"I'm at my home, of course," she seemed bewildered. "Why do you ask? What's going on?"

"I'm asking because you're supposed to be with Ella until I get home from work. Yet, clearly you're not. Why aren't you with her?"

"I don't understand... Mrs. Cullen told me that you two made plans with friends. That she was taking Ella to her friend's house and you were going to join them straight from work. She sent me home and said you wouldn't need me until tomorrow 'cause you might spend the night there..."

"Why didn't you call me?" Edward demanded, not considering the unreasonableness of this expectation.

"Uh... I don't know. I didn't realize I needed to. I saw her speaking on the phone and I... I assumed it was with you. She seemed to be doing quite well. Dr. Cullen, is everything okay?" she asked with concern in her voice.

Edward ignored her question. Not that he had the answer to it yet anyway. He disconnected the call without any pleasantries and threw the phone on the passenger's side seat. He then turned his full attention on the road.

He drove like a maniac and made it to his driveway in record time, cutting the usual thirty-five minute commute nearly in half. He sprang out of the car, not bothering to turn off the engine or close the door behind him.

He could hear Ella's cry even before he could open the door.

He was too afraid to put to words what exactly he was expecting to find once he got home, but the proof that Ella was alive relieved a small part of his worries.

"Carmen!" he called out as he ran up the stairs.

Other than Ella's wail, the house felt devoid of life.

"Carmen!" he shouted again.

He found his daughter in her crib. She needed to be changed and was crying her lungs out, but otherwise she seemed to be in good shape. He decided that a diaper change would have to wait until he determined Carmen's whereabouts.

He laid Ella back down in her nest, ignoring her protests, and went to their bedroom; the last place where he had seen his wife alive.

**Thank you ****Lulabelle98, ****HeidiJoVT,**** and Dinx.**


	76. Chapter 76

**Where the Streets Have No Name**

**Chapter 76**

****Warning! This chapter contains description of suicide/attempted suicide. If this is a trigger for you, skip over to the next chapter!****

"Carmen?"

Edward entered the room cautiously. Now that he knew Ella was alive and relatively well - now that he was no longer in the grip of abject terror - his actions were less frantic and anxious.

The bed was empty as was the room.

Where was she?

Had she run off?

Did she really steal a bottle of sleeping pills from Kate?

A quick glance at the open closet told him that nearly all of Carmen's belongings were still in their place. If she had left, she was traveling light.

He noticed that light was on in the bathroom, though he couldn't hear any movements from inside.

With unwilling feet, he walked toward the bathroom. The door was closed but it wasn't locked.

Edward didn't want to open the door. He didn't want to know what lay on the other side.

A bitter lump of fear constricted his airways, but he swallowed it down.

He ignored the slight tremor in his hands and pushed open the door.

_God, no..._

Carmen was in the bathtub, fully submerged in water. She wasn't moving. An empty pill bottle was sitting next to the tub.

He rushed to her at a frantic speed and pulled her out of the bathtub. The water was still warm and that gave him hope that maybe she hadn't been in there for too long.

She wasn't breathing.

_This can't be happening. Oh God, please don't let this be true. She can't be dead._

He had driven his emotionally fragile wife to take her own life.

How was he ever going to live with himself?

How would he look Ella in the eye knowing that he had taken away her mother?

He had to save Carmen. She had to live.

With steely resolve, he deafened his ears to Ella's wails and wiped away all emotions from his mind, allowing the physician in him to take over. Free of guilt or attachments with only one task at hand - reviving Carmen.

In between administering CPR, he placed a 911 call.

**Thank you ****Lulabelle98, ****HeidiJoVT,**** and Dinx. **

**Thank you for making this journey with me. I realize it's not easy. I'm truly grateful.**


	77. Chapter 77

**Where the Streets Have No Name**

**Chapter 77**

"So, Dr. Cullen, you're saying that you had _no idea _that your wife was thinking about killing herself?" asked the cynical looking detective sitting across from Edward in the sparsely furnished interrogation room.

It had been over a week since he found Carmen in the bathroom, but during that time, Edward hardly slept or had much to eat. His eyes were red and dull, and his general appearance was unkempt. He was sporting several days' worth of stubble and he couldn't remember when he had last changed his clothes.

He was beyond tired. Too tired to follow the chain of questioning he was being subjected to at the moment. Especially after the inquiries started to loop and repeat.

"Uhh... yes," Edward said uncertainly.

"'Yes' you knew your wife was thinking about hurting herself?" the detective, whose name kept eluding Edward -_ Rollings? Roland?_ - asked with the snide indifference that he kept in reserve to catch perpetrators at their lies.

"Huh? No, no, that's not what I meant," Edward protested with frustration. "I didn't know she was planning to... I've told you this already, _twice_... I mean, I knew she was depressed, but I didn't think she was going to... going to do something like this. I would have-"

"Why is it that you have your _wife's_ friend's phone number programmed in your cell? Have you ever been inside Kate Tanner's apartment _without_ your wife's presence?" the detective asked, cutting Edward off mid-statement and unapologetically steering the inquisition into a different direction.

Edward's vision blurred in anger.

Anger at the police for the unjust treatment he was receiving at their hand.

Anger at Carmen for leaving him in such a mess without even bothering to write a note.

Anger at his mother-in-law for lodging a frivolous complaint against him with the law enforcement which landed him in this interrogation room.

Elvira Moreno wasted little time after flying into the city before she started assigning blame as to who was responsible for her daughter's alleged suicide attempt and subsequent hospitalization. Her sensors had honed in on Edward almost right away and she hadn't relented since.

At first, Edward had reasoned that Elvira was blinded by grief and it wasn't unreasonable for her to want to hold someone accountable. After all, he had a pretty good idea how he himself might react if anything were to happen to Ella.

He had hoped that Elvira would eventually resign to the truth and get her priorities in order; that she would join him and the Cullens in channeling her sorrow through prayers and patience while they waited for Carmen's condition to improve.

That hope was soon squashed.

Elvira violently rejected the suggestion that Carmen could be struggling with depression or that she had attempted to take her own life. The perception she held of her daughter was one of strength and pride. _Her_ daughter would_ never_ consider self harm; she would_ never_ swipe her friend's pills. Nor would she _ever_ contemplate leaving her baby unattended in the house while she washed the said pills down.

_Someone_ had to have done this to her, or drove her to it in the very least. And her son-in-law looked good to her for the job.

She didn't stop just at making open accusations, but she followed through by filing a police report and used all the influence her husband's office could garner to ensure that the police called Edward in to the local precinct for questioning.

Edward had been politely asked to "answer a few questions" over at the station, which, after three hours or so, had begun to resemble hard-hitting interrogation than mere inquiries.

However, even in his vulnerable and weakened state, there was only so far he could be pushed before he pushed back.

**Thank you ****Lulabelle98, ****HeidiJoVT,**** and Dinx.**

****Major similarities between life and fiction ends here. The person I partially modeled Carmen on didn't survive the suicide attempt. Her chosen method of execution was far more brutal than Carmen's. The police problems that ensued was very much real. Although it was worse than what Edward had to go through.****

****I'm helping Kitsu Shel with her charity drive Fandom for No Kid Hungry. Whether you're a reader, writer, beta, or a graphic artist, I humbly ask you to consider contributing your valuable skill to raise money for the worthy cause. ****

****You can find them on twitter: (at)Fandom4NKH. Ysar made a beautiful website for the charity: fandomcause (dot) info /****

****Sorry about the long AN. And I'm sorry about the delay in posting due to FF fail. I really appreciate your patience. (((HUGS)))****


	78. Chapter 78

**Where the Streets Have No Name**

**Chapter 78**

"Look, Detective. I _did not_ hurt my wife. I _did not_ trick or force her into taking those pills. I _did not_ know she was planning on hurting herself. And I'm _definitely _not having an affair with Kate Tanner," Edward stood up and said sharply, inadvertently raising his voice in his agitation.

"I've already told you all of this more than once. Drilling me over and over won't change the truth," he added with indignation. "I understand that you are only doing your job, but you are barking up the wrong tree here. I have been very patient up to this point, but I will_ not_ be subjected to this witch hunt and I will_ not _sit here one more minute and let you nail it to me because my mother-in-law can't accept the truth.

"Speak with Carmen's doctors, I already gave you their details. Subpoena her records if you have to. But I will not say another word without my attorney present.

"Now either charge me with something, or I'm walking out of here. I'm the only functioning parent my daughter has, and she needs me," Edward said with decisive authority that he seldom employed while talking to strangers which made even the well weathered detective take a step back mentally.

He sized up the resolve in Edward's face and realized that the potential "perp" could no longer be jostled around within the legal perimeters he was bound by.

"Very well, Dr. Cullen. You may leave for now, but please be advised that until we... clear up all the... _concerns_ about this case, you shouldn't leave the city."

Edward walked out the door with his shoulders squared and was grateful to be greeted by his father in the waiting area. The Cullens were at the hospital with Edward when the police officer came calling and Carlisle had insisted on following them to the station. At the time Edward felt it was unnecessary, but he was thankful now that his father didn't listen.

Carlisle gave him a questioning look, silently asking if everything was okay. Edward replied with a subtle nod instead of explaining the last three hours at length. He simply wanted to put as much distance between himself and the police station as possible.

His father took the hint and quietly led him to the rental car parked outside.

"Talk to me, Edward," Carlisle said after they had been on the road for five minutes. "Should we look into hiring an attorney?"

In response, Edward rubbed his tired eyes with the pad of his palms, hoping he could wipe away the nightmare with the swipe of his hand. But reality stubbornly refused to mend its path and he found himself fumbling for words to answer his father's question.

"Uhh... no, I don't think so... maybe. Damn, Dad, I don't know..."

"Are they pressing charges?" Carlisle persisted.

"No... I don't... the detective didn't confirm anything. He just kept asking the same things over and over. Elvira somehow convinced them that I... I had an affair with Kate and staged the whole overdose thing to get Carmen out of the way." He shook his head in disbelief as he said the words.

"Did you?" Carlisle asked.

**Thank you ****Lulabelle98, ****HeidiJoVT,**** and Dinx.**


	79. Chapter 79

**Where the Streets Have No Name**

**Chapter 79**

"Of course not!" Edward exclaimed. "How could you even..."

"I know, Edward. I do. But I had to ask. If we're going to need an attorney...

"I'm sorry. Please believe me, your mother and I, we'd never doubt you. It's just that... that woman has been spewing nothing but hate ever since she got here! Jesus!" Carlisle said defensively.

Edward turned his head away to look out of the window, hiding the deep hurt his father's words had caused him. His parents had been supportive to boot ever since they arrived after receiving his distress call. They closed ranks around him and defended him against the merciless attacks from the Morenos. But clearly a seed of doubt had managed to eat its way even in his own parents' hearts.

How could he blame the cops when his own father doubted his innocence?

However, if he were to be honest, they wouldn't be completely wrong, would they? He might not have forced the pills down Carmen's throat, but he played his part in bringing about this disaster just the same.

He had wished Carmen was gone. He had told her so with clear cruel words. Elvira Moreno was perhaps wrong about his method of execution, but she wasn't wrong about his intent.

He was guilty of nearly ending Carmen's life, and he would have to live with that knowledge forever.

He was jerked out of his musings when he realized the car wasn't moving any more. They were parked outside of his house.

He didn't understand why his father had brought him home. He needed to be at the hospital. Carmen's condition had stabilized but she hadn't regained consciousness yet. He ought to be there in the event she woke up, or to find out if the doctors had managed to ascertain the full extent of the damage.

"You barely slept ten hours this past week. And you've hardly eaten at all. You need to eat and rest," Carlisle said decisively before Edward could voice his objection. "Your mother is at the hospital. I'll be heading there now and I promise I'll call you if there's any change. But you're in no shape to stay up another eight hours. So, go inside, kiss your daughter, and get some sleep."

Edward knew his father was right. He could sense how slow his reflexes had become and how air felt as if it was made of transparent gelatin. He was losing his grip over coherent thought.

He had been so distraught and distracted by the events of the past seven days, that he could hardly recall when he saw Ella last. He knew that Renate and his mother were taking turns in looking after her at home, but that didn't mean he could abscond completely. Ella couldn't afford to lose both her parents.

Perhaps it was his slowed reflexes, or perhaps it was the pain etched across his face that prompted Carlisle to speak again before Edward could exit the car.

"Edward, what happened with Carmen is not your fault," Carlisle said in a soothing, paternal voice as he placed a comforting hand on Edward's shoulder. "She was unstable long before you came into her life. I'm really sorry for asking... for giving you reasons to think I have any doubt in mind about your involvement. I know you. I know my son. I know you could never hurt a sick, helpless girl. The mother of your child no less-"

"But I did," Edward interrupted him.

"What?"

"It_ is_ my fault," Edward confessed to his father what he couldn't admit to the detective. "Elvira is right. Carmen's in the hospital because of me. I've put her there."

**Thank you Lulabelle98, HeidiJoVT, and Dinx.**

**I'd like to say a special thanks to Rebadams7 for writing an amazingly beautiful poem for WtSHNN. I am speechless, sweetie. I thought it was quote from some famous poet. I can't tell you how honored and moved I am. You are so gifted! Happy birthday, sweetie! (**You can find the poem in the reviews page for ch 76)****

****Today is a special day for me. It marks the 1 year anniversary of my induction into FF. I can't believe a whole year had gone by! Thank you for being here, and making it worth it. ****


	80. Chapter 80

**Where the Streets Have No Name**

**Chapter 80**

"What are you saying?" Carlisle asked, thoroughly perplexed by Edward's sudden admission.

Edward had filled them in on the events of the day he had found Carmen in the bathtub, but he hadn't elaborated on what had transpired on the night preceding.

"I... it's my fault," Edward said with a guilt-choked voice. "_I _did this to her."

Carlisle swiped his gaze around the deserted driveway to look for passers by or possible eavesdroppers. He didn't know what he was about to hear, or if he was ready to hear it, but he closed the car door just the same. In case his son confessed to something incriminating, he wouldn't allow it to go further than the confines of the car.

"You'll have to be a little more clear, Edward. How exactly is this_ your _fault?" Carlisle asked, keeping his voice free of judgment or derision.

"I... I told her we were over. We... we had a fight the night before. I came home and...

"I was so mad. I said terrible things to her. I knew she was depressed, I knew it could trigger an episode, but I yelled at her anyway. I told her to leave; I told her Ella wouldn't miss her. I called her a miserable human being.

"I practically handed her the recipe to kill herself.

"Oh Dad, what have I done? What if she dies? I'd be responsible for her death. Ella will grow up without a mother because of me." Edward banged his head against the dashboard in sheer self-recrimination.

Carlisle sat still for a moment, allowing his mind to make logical deductions his son was too distraught to make.

"If you don't mind me asking, why were you so mad at her? I know a little bit about Carmen's... issues. Your mother tells me things from time to time. Did something happen that night that was out of the ordinary to make you lose your temper?" Carlisle asked.

Edward shook his head. In the aftermath of what had come to pass, the reasons behind his anger that night - which he then felt so justified and indignant about - seemed trivial and needless.

"Edward, please. I respect the privacy of your marriage, but I can't let you speak like that openly when we already have Elvira out for blood. I need to know what exactly happened so I can help you. You have to tell me what went down that night, son. Please, for Ella's sake."

_For Ella's sake._

With halting words and trembling voice, Edward recounted the acrimonious exchange of that fateful night; recollections that he would much rather bury deep within his heart and never acknowledge, for they exposed him for who he really was and what he was truly capable of.

**Thank you ****Lulabelle98, ****HeidiJoVT,**** and Dinx.**

**Thank you A is for Angel for your lovely review of WtSHNN at TwilightFicZone. You exaggerate, my friend, but I'm deeply grateful for your flattering words! *hugs***


	81. Chapter 81

**Where the Streets Have No Name**

**Chapter 81**

Carlisle remained silent for several moments after Edward finished the account of his fight with Carmen, leading up to her attempted suicide. The air inside the car felt stifling with the building tension. Carlisle cracked open the window on his side a few inches as if to defuse the pressure.

"Why didn't you say any of this before?" he asked.

Edward looked uncertain. "I don't know. I didn't want anyone to know. I... I was so ashamed. I kept hoping she'd wake up and none of it would matter. Then Elvira showed up and started her..._ crusade _and it seemed like I would just make matters worse if I said anything. She'd accuse me of slandering Carmen, of spreading lies to ruin her reputation when she's in no shape to defend herself. I mean, no one else was there. It's just my word against...

"Elvira doesn't even believe that Carmen _is_ mentally ill. She'll just call me a liar and add cruel treatment to the charges she has already piled up against me.

"Also... also I didn't want Ella to find out about it later. No matter how she interprets it, it will be too much for her. It'll be difficult enough explaining to her about Carmen's problems when she's old enough. What if she blames me for... _everything_?" Edward's face contorted in pain as he contemplated the question. He looked at his father with beseeching eyes.

"Edward, you mustn't blame yourself for being human," Carlisle said. "Any parent would blow a fuse if they caught the nanny leaving their child unattended and then turning the baby monitor off. Your reaction was_ not_ inappropriate. It's unfortunate, hell, it's tragic that Carmen reached a breaking point as a result, but any parent would have reacted the same way. It's child endangerment for crying out loud.

"The only difference here is that Carmen is not hired help. But that doesn't mean the gravity of the situation carries any less weight. You had no way of knowing she was going to react this badly."

"But I should have!" Edward interjected. "Of all people, I should have known better. I knew she wasn't doing well. I knew she wasn't responding to treatment. I knew...

"I should have been more patient. I should have..." Edward voice cracked under stress. "Oh, Dad. What if she doesn't wake up? It's been more than a week. I saw her last scan; her brain activity levels haven't improved at all. What if Dr. Rubens is right? What if she doesn't get better?"

Carlisle shook his head.

"You can't think like that, son. You need to stay positive. Her lung and liver function have recovered much faster than expected. She didn't suffer complete renal failure. The damage to her kidneys can be dealt through dialysis. The important thing is she's alive. You know that metabolic coma has a far better chance of recovery than trauma victims. You have to keep that in mind," Carlisle said, trying to be reassuring. "I'm still hopeful that she'll regain consciousness soon. But in the meantime, you need to keep a cool head. You need to take care of yourself and Ella. You can't go about shooting your mouth off and confess to things you are _not _guilty of. Because we both know your mother-in-law is perfectly capable of using it against you."

"Maybe she should. Maybe that's what I deserve," Edward said with resignation. Now that he had unburdened his soul to his father, he could feel the all-engulfing exhaustion creeping back in full force. He didn't have any fight left in him.

"You don't!" Carlisle objected loudly. "How would you being in jail at a time like this help anyone? Who would take care of your daughter? If the worst comes to worst and Carmen doesn't wake up and you end up behind bars, what will happen to Ella? Your mother and I will of course do our level best to look after her, but you realize that the Morenos will have just as good a chance of gaining her custody. In fact, as the family of the injured party, they'd stand a better chance. They'd be favored over us! Can you risk that? Do you really want Ella to be raised by that vindictive woman?"

Edward shook his head. Regardless of how much guilt he carried in his heart, he couldn't afford to be locked up. He couldn't leave Ella to face an uncertain future being tugged about between two sets of grandparents who were hostile toward each other.

"Now go on and get some rest. I'll call you if there's any change," Carlisle said once he was sure his son understood and accepted what had to be done.

With a tired nod of his head, Edward complied.

**Thank you ****Lulabelle98, ****HeidiJoVT,**** and Dinx.**

**Thank you TelAviv and deleepowman for help with all the medical lingo.**


	82. Chapter 82

**Where the Streets Have No Name**

**Chapter 82**

"I'm releasing Mrs. Cullen from the ICU to be moved to the long term care ward," Dr. Rubens said as he addressed the three people sitting across from him. "Her condition is stable. She's breathing independently. There isn't much point in keeping her here any longer."

It had been twenty-five days since Carmen's admission to the ICU. While her vital signs had progressively improved, she hadn't regained consciousness.

"Unfortunately, she is not yet responding to external stimuli and registering quite low on the GC scale. I can't predict when, or_ if_, she'll wake up, but until then, she'll be well taken care of there. She'll be under Dr. Marvin's care. Once she's transferred and he has made his assessment, he'd be able to give you a more realistic prognosis about the patient."

Edward and the Morenos were sitting in Dr. Ruben's office. The seating arrangement was a dead giveaway of the effort they had invested to ensure that there was as much space between them as the small office allowed.

The war Elvira had waged against Edward lost much of its steam once the police investigation failed to substantiate any of the allegations; there wasn't a shred of evidence to suggest Edward had ever been anything less than a doting, caring husband to Carmen, while the subpoenaed medical records pointed at Carmen's tenuous mental state.

Reluctantly, Elvira had to step down from her mission, but the rift between her and Edward was still palpably present.

Edward was already aware of much of what Dr. Ruben was imparting; he had skimmed through Carmen's charts. The briefing session was more for the Morenos' benefit.

"Can we move her? Is it safe to fly her out to New Jersey?" Elvira asked. She looked gaunt and tired. Even if they were on the opposite sides of a seemingly irreconcilable divide, the last few weeks had been just as hard on her as it had been on Edward.

However, Elvira's question surprised him greatly.

The Morenos wanted to take Carmen home to Edison?

This was the first time he was hearing about it.

Before he could demand any kind of clarification, Dr. Rubens spoke up.

"Mrs. Moreno, the facilities at this hospital are state of the art. I assure you, your daughter will receive excellent care here. But I suppose if her primary physician signs her release, under medical supervision, and of course with her proxy's consent -" he waved at Edward "- I don't see why not. Although I'd advise that you wait a few more weeks. Dr. Marvin's staff would be able to walk you through the paperwork. Now, If you'll excuse me, I'll leave you to discuss it amongst yourselves. You're welcome to use my office for as long as you need." He gave them a thoughtful nod, then left the room.

After a few awkward moments of silence, Hector cleared his throat. "Edward, I understand that you are still quite upset with us, but I hope we can get past everything... that has happened and do what's best for Carmen."

"I would like that too." Edward nodded in assent. He wasn't interested in engaging in a prolonged feud with his in-laws. If they wanted to be in charge of Carmen's care and if they felt she'd be better looked after in New Jersey, he wouldn't stand in the way just to spite them. After all, it would allow him more time to raise Ella.

"We want to move Carmen to Edison so she can be near us," Elvira confirmed. "Hector already spoke with the the doctors at the JFK Medical Center there; they are ready to receive her any time. If your insurance doesn't cover air transportation, we will pay for the cost ourselves."

She paused to exchange a meaningful look with her husband. There was more to their plan than only taking their daughter home. "Uh... you see, Edward, the doctors can't be sure how long it might be before Carmen wakes up. It could be a long time. We just can't allow our granddaughter to grow up without knowing her mother. I'm sure you wouldn't want that either.

"So, we want to take Ella with us as well."

**Thank you Lulabelle98, HeidiJoVT, and Dinx.**

***GC Scale refers to the Glasgow Coma Scale.**

**** I'm addressing the anonymous reviewer "Faithful Reader". I understand you are very unhappy with Edward and how stupid he is. I couldn't be sure from the tone of your review, but did you have a question for me? Or was that all a rhetoric outburst? If there was an actual question, I can't reply to you if you are not logged in. That goes for everyone. You are most welcome to share your thoughts anonymously (praise/flame/bash/hate/love), but if you have a legitimate question for me and you expect me to answer, you need to provide me with a way to respond. **


	83. Chapter 83

**Where the Streets Have No Name**

**Chapter 83**

Edward was too dumbfounded to respond to the preposterous idea his in-laws had just put forward.

They wanted to take Ella away from him.

The idea of Ella being raised by a malicious and wrathful woman like Elvira wrecked havoc inside his mind.

"Absolutely not!" Edward stood up as he raised his voice, vehemently rejecting the request.

"Edward, be reasonable," Elvira countered. "You are welcome to move to Edison too. Hector is on the board of JFK. You can count on getting a residency there. If you want to work at a better hospital, we have friends at Hackensack. I'm sure we'd be able to find you a job there as well. It's less than an hour drive from Edison. You'll be happy there."

"Are you insane? I'm not moving to New Jersey! And neither is _my_ daughter. If you want to take Carmen with you, that's a different matter, but my daughter stays with me, and it's _not _up for negotiations!"

"Why are you being so spiteful?" Elvira stood up as well and braced herself for battle. "If we only bring Carmen with us, Ella will never even see her mother? Is that what you want? For Ella to not even know how her mother looks like? Besides, isn't it better that she is raised by her own family than whatever hired help you're gonna get? 'Cause let's face it, you'll hardly have the time for Ella with the kind of hours you keep."

"Ella will be better off being raised by wolves than be in _your _care!" Edward thundered. He was generally mild-mannered and soft spoken, but having his suitability as a parent questioned pushed him beyond his threshold of civility.

"I'm perfectly capable of raising my daughter. I managed just fine by myself so far and I'll manage in the future as well. It's not like Carmen was any help. She could barely stand to be in the same room with Ella!" The words slipped out of his lips before he could censor them. He didn't want to use Carmen's ineptitude at parenthood as battle-fodder against his mother-in-law. It was an underhanded act that was beneath him. But of course, it was too late.

"You're lying!" Elvira shouted back. "How _dare_ you lie about my poor child? She is a great mother. You, _you_ are the reason why my baby is in coma right now," she said while pointing a finger at Edward. "The police may not be able to find any proof, but I _know_ you are responsible for it. You _never_ cared about her. If she was depressed, it was because of_ you_. And now you're trying to take away my granddaughter from us.

"I won't let you get away with it. I swear to God, I'll make sure you pay for what you did to my family. I'll -"

Their verbal warfare could have gone on longer but they were interrupted by the hospital security who were summoned by their raised voices and open hostility.

Later that day, with the help of Carlisle's mediating efforts, Edward came to an uneasy and tenuous truce with the Morenos: Carmen would remain in Seattle, as would Ella, under Edward's care. Elvira and Hector relented perhaps because they had no legal claims to demand otherwise, but legalities were exactly the thing Edward wanted to avoid. They further acquired Edward's promise that they would be consulted in making all critical decisions with regard to Carmen's treatment and well-being, including any potential plan to move her to a different state.

Edward also pledged that he would bring Ella to the hospital to visit Carmen at least once a week and would not prevent the Morenos from interacting with their granddaughter when they came into town to check on their daughter.

Edward didn't understand why his in-laws automatically assumed that he would go out of his way to erase Carmen's memories from Ella's life. While he hadn't yet given a lot of thought to how best to manage his life and responsibilities in the long run, he never would have considered willfully keeping Ella away from her mother. Perhaps if their roles were reversed, the Morenos wouldn't waste time in systematically alienating Edward from Ella's life.

The thought was a chilling one. Edward refused to even entertain the possibility and silently pledged to himself that he would never allow such catastrophe to befall his daughter.

Once a compromise was reached, Edward quickly excused himself from the negotiation table. He had plenty of pressing matters that needed his attention. Foremost of them being Renate's end of tenure as Ella's nanny.

**Thank you ****Lulabelle98, ****HeidiJoVT,**** and Dinx.**


	84. Chapter 84

**Where the Streets Have No Name**

**Chapter 84**

The past few weeks Renate had valiantly held down the fort while Edward spent nearly every waking moment at the hospital. She had gone way beyond the call of duty and, with Esme's help, had ensured Ella received round the clock care so Edward could focus on the immediate crisis on hand.

However, a week ago she had handed in her resignation to Edward with an apologetic and guilt-ridden smile.

It wasn't that she didn't want to care for Ella any more; she understood how much her services were needed now more than ever. But the burden of knowledge that something as catastrophic as Carmen's attempted suicide occurred on her watch, more importantly _because _of her oversight, was too great for her to bear. She no longer felt confident of her abilities as a caregiver, thus she deemed it best to take a break from her work until she conquered her doubts and inadequacies.

Edward tried to convince her that no one held her responsible in any way for what had happened. He apologized for being short with her on the phone the night of the incident, but nothing could alley her self-flagellation.

She promised to stay on until Edward had found her replacement, but she couldn't be persuaded to change her mind.

Esme, ever the supportive mother, had been vetting new candidates for him lately. She had short listed three for Edward to interview personally. This time around, the job requirement was stringent on a few key points. For one, in addition to having all the needed credentials, the candidate had to be willing to work as a live-in. Edward didn't want to constantly worry about what might happen if he got detained at work.

That evening he was set to meet with the first candidate.

As he parked his car in his driveway, he quickly skimmed through the resume and the summary notes his mother had given him the night before.

The candidate was forty-two.

Mother of one.

Recently widowed.

Late husband was in the construction business.

She held a bachelor's degree in sociology.

She had acquired extensive experience working with small children through a fifteen year long stint at running a daycare center.

There was a gap in her resume beginning two years prior. Edward made a quick note to inquire about it when they met.

Her name was Renee Swan.

**Thank you ****Lulabelle98, ****HeidiJoVT,**** and Dinx.**

**Thank you A is for Angel for being my 4000th reviewer. (I never thought I'd say that!) *hugs* Angel! You are truly angelic! **


	85. Chapter 85

**Where the Streets Have No Name**

**Chapter 85**

Renee Swan turned out to be a slight woman with compassionate eyes and a friendly demeanor. She showed up on time and relieved Edward by responding to all his queries with satisfactory answers.

Esme had already screened for the critical areas. The purpose of today's meeting was for both parties to meet and get a feel for each other. To make sure they could foresee a mutual trust developing between them in the coming months.

Renee spoke of her daycare center, which she ran profitably for over a decade until she had to close it down two years ago to take care of her ailing husband whose health had taken a turn for the worse after being in remission for a year. He had recently passed away of lung cancer.

The long, uphill battle had left her on the brink of near destitution. Even after liquidating her husband's business and selling their house, she was teetering on the edge financially. A live-in position would be perfect for her to slowly get back on her feet.

Edward liked her. Renee Swan had an air of patience and empathy about her that reminded him of Esme. She understood that looking after Ella would be a full time job and she was very much up for the task. She loved children. She would be right in her element.

He began to favor the idea of foregoing interviewing the other two candidates and offer her the job on the spot. The more he learned about her, the more his conviction solidified.

With the passing of her husband, she had very few family obligations left that required her personal presence. Her only child had gone off state to attend college, who was a fairly independent young adult, strong willed and conscientious, and seldom needed her mother's intervention to manage her life away from home.

Renee smiled fondly when she mentioned her child, saying how fortunate it was that she managed to come out of the whole crisis with her daughter's college fund intact.

Edward felt a certain bond of kinship forming between them as he heard Renee speak of her daughter. It created a strange sense of anticipation in his stomach.

He tried to visualize Ella as a five, ten, fourteen year old.

He imagined her going off to college.

He pictured Ella all grown up, raising her own children.

His chest hurt at the thought.

It was a marvelous yet scary prospect.

How did parents do it?

How did his _own _parents do it?

Would he be able to let Ella go one day when the time came?

His musings were interrupted by Renee clearing her throat.

"Unless you have any more questions, I was hoping maybe I could say hello to Ella today," she said. "And to Mrs. Cullen too, of course.

"I mean your wife, not your mother," she clarified when she saw the perplexed look on his face.

**Thank you ****Lulabelle98, ****HeidiJoVT,**** and Dinx.**


	86. Chapter 86

**Where the Streets Have No Name**

**Chapter 86**

Edward realized that his mother hadn't made full disclosure to the interviewees, leaving it up to him to decide how much he wanted to share about his personal life with the potential candidates.

"My... my wife won't... she isn't available," he said, fumbling with his words as he rubbed his eyes with the heel of his palm, something he was doing quite frequently these days, either to ward off exhaustion or reality. But the person who was going to be in charge of Ella's care, and in all likelihood was about to become a part of his household, needed to know the truth.

"My wife, Ella's mother, is in the hospital. She is in coma. It's uncertain when she'll wake up, if at all." He paused, allowing Renee to digest the information. "That is why I need a full time caregiver for my daughter."

Renee's face contorted in predictable sympathy. "Oh, I'm so sorry to hear that, Dr. Cullen. I didn't mean to bring up-"

"You didn't know. It's okay." Edward interrupted her apology. "If you accept the job then you'd need to know about all this. So, don't worry about it.

"As for Ella, she's sleeping now," he said as he pointed to the baby monitor on the coffee table. "She usually doesn't lay low for more than an hour or two at a time. But you're welcome to take a peek."

"I'd like that, thanks," she said.

Edward led her up the stairs to Ella's nursery, gesturing for her to be stealthy.

"She is so precious!" Renee whispered as she leaned into the crib where Ella lay in slumber.

Edward nodded. Yes, Ella was precious indeed. At least to him.

"She's gorgeous!" Renee Swan gushed once they tiptoed out of the nursery. "Does she take after her mother? Your wife must be a very beautiful woman."

Edward contemplated the question. Yes, Ella did take after Carmen as far as physical attributes went. She had the same olive skin-tone and the same smoky, dark eyes. While it was still too early to predict, the angles of her face also belied her connection to Carmen.

He hated to admit it, but he always felt a tinge of envy that he would lose out so sorely in the genetic game of dice.

"I shouldn't have said that. I'm really sorry. This must be such a painful topic for you," Renee hastily said, misjudging his momentary silence.

"That's okay. Yes, Ella gets her looks from her mother. It's nothing to be upset about, don't worry."

"You've picked a lovely name for her, by the way," Renee said, smiling. "When my daughter was little, I used to make up silly rhymes and songs for her. It just occurred to me that I just need to drop one letter to make it fit for Ella. You see, my daughter's nickname is very similar."

"Oh, really? What's your daughter's name?" he asked.

"Her name is Isabella. But we always called her Bella."

**Thank you Lulabelle98, HeidiJoVT, and Dinx.**


	87. Chapter 87

**Where the Streets Have No Name**

**Chapter 87**

Renee Swan moved in as Ella's live-in nanny on the first of the month. She took over the reins from Renate and proved to be a quick study in picking up Ella's habits and routine. She not only assumed her role with skill, but in little more than a month, she transformed the Cullen household from its cluttered, dreary state to something resembling a home.

For Edward, having a live-in caregiver turned out to be quite different from what he was used to with Renate and Nina. It was a new experience for him to not have the added pressure to rushing home every evening so the nanny could leave for the day.

His interactions with Renee were quite different from Ella's previous caregivers as well. While his relationship with the last three nannies was cordial and nice, they always seemed to be in a haste to leave as soon as he walked through the door every evening. The opportunity never arose for him to befriend them.

Other than to know what their resume revealed and perhaps how skilled they were at childcare, he didn't get to know them as individuals. The occasion never presented itself, nor did Nina or Renate seem interested to further the employer-employee relationship beyond the boundaries of necessity.

Renee Swan, unlike her predecessors, had a penchant for conversation. She cooked her own meals but made enough for two so Edward no longer had to resort to TV dinners when he returned home. She would stick around the kitchen while he ate, filling him in on all the little things Ella did that day, ask him about his work, and share random tidbits about her own life.

The easy conversations and simple human contact, however mundane and commonplace for most, came as a refreshing surprise to Edward. He didn't even realize until then just how starved he was of companionship. Renee's presence brought home the fact how isolated he had become from his peers and comrades over the past year. His every conscious minute had been so consumed by worries over Carmen and Ella hat he couldn't even recall when was the last time he hung out with Riley and other members of his old group.

While he welcomed Renee's offer of friendship with gratitude, it did occur to him that perhaps she was overexerting her generosity out of a misplaced sense of obligation.

"You don't have to do this, you know..." he said one evening as Renee was briefing him on how Ella might have uttered Renee's name that day. Well, what Ella actually said was more akin to "Nene", but Renee was convinced that her charge wasn't too far from mastering the verbal skills.

"Do what?" Renee asked, perplexed.

"Stay up, looking after Ella even after I get home, share your food," Edward said hesitantly. "Don't get me wrong, I really appreciate everything you're doing for Ella. But I don't want you to feel you have to _babysit_ me too. You have plenty on your plate already. I know what a handful Ella is.

"I'd hate to think you're stretching yourself too thin. You need a break too. And I don't want you to feel like you have to spend your personal time to look after us.

"I mean, of course I'm grateful-"

"Edward, stop. Renee interrupted his rambling with an understanding smile. "I know I don't have to. I do it because I want to. I don't know how things stood with Mrs. Foss, but I_ live_ here now. And I'd much rather live in a_ home_ than in a house where I happen to work.

"So, unless I'm breaking some kind of a code on how you want to run your place, or making you uncomfortable in anyway, you can take your concerns elsewhere. Got it, Bossman?" Renee said with mock seriousness, reassuring Edward with a warm, disarming look.

**Thank you Lulabelle98, HeidiJoVT, and Dinx.**


	88. Chapter 88

**Where the Streets Have No Name**

**Chapter 88**

"Okay, if you're sure," Edward said, feeling relieved that he wasn't taking advantage of Renee's kind nature. He liked having her around. Not only was she a gracious and uplifting person, she seemed to genuinely care about Ella. He didn't want to risk losing her services by being overly demanding of her time.

Renee too had grown to like her employer quite a lot over the past months since she started her work with Ella. She could see the weight of the recent tragedy engraved on his face. He seldom smiled or did anything that didn't have something to do with his work, his comatose wife's condition, or his daughters well being.

If that wasn't enough, the little she had learned from Esme about the trials he had been through with his wife's illness prior to her hospitalization created a pool of sympathy in Renee's heart for the sad and unfortunate young man. After all, she could relate quite well. She recalled the toll it took on her physically as well as emotionally to helplessly watch her husband wither away.

She thought she recognized the look on Edward's face every time he asked Renee to get Ella ready to visit Carmen at the hospital. That look of a condemned man being taken to the gallows to meet an unavoidable fate. What a stark and cutting blow it must be to have to see his beloved lying on a bed. Alive but lost to him, perhaps forever.

She could only imagine how much Edward had to be missing his wife. To Renee, his unwillingness to talk about Carmen or his attempts to deflect questions about her were clear signs of how deeply he loved her.

She felt a strong sense of camaraderie when she looked at him. They were fellow sufferers on the journey to learn how to live without a part of their soul. She understood his sorrow all too well. She recognized the traces of her own pain reflected in his eyes.

Her heart went out to him, and she wanted to make his life just a bit easier in any way she could. Perhaps she wasn't old enough to play a maternal role in Edward's life, but she sure could be a big sister.

"I'm sure," she replied with a mischievous smile. "Also, I kinda have an ulterior motive and thought buttering up the Bossman wouldn't hurt. What was it that you said about your policy on house guests? 'Cause my daughter called me today. She's coming for a visit this weekend. And I'm hoping you wouldn't make me put her up in a hotel."

**Thank you Lulabelle98, HeidiJoVT, and Dinx.**


	89. Chapter 89

**Where the Streets Have No Name**

**Chapter 89**

**We finally meet Bella...**

"Are you sure it won't be a problem, Mom? You just started working there. I don't want you to get into trouble with the family. I can stay with Lauren..." Bella said on the phone after hesitantly springing the news of a surprise visit to her mother.

_"Nonsense! You're staying with me. I made it perfectly clear when I took the job that my daughter might visit and would stay with me when she does. Also, Edward's a really sweet guy. He won't have any problem with you visiting. _

_"What I don't get is why you are flying all the way just for the weekend, in the middle of the term no less. It's not like you to be so impulsive._

_"Bella, be straight with me, honey. Is everything okay? Is it Paul?"_

Bella chewed her bottom lip in consternation. She knew it was going to be a hard sell explaining to her mother why she wanted to pay an unplanned visit in the middle of the semester. She could hardly afford the cost, and her mother was right, it wasn't like her to be so impulsive.

"Everything is okay, Mom. I promise. Can't I just visit my mother 'cause I miss her? I haven't seen you since I left home after the funeral. Besides, it's study week here; no classes. I saved up a bit from my tutoring job, so don't worry about the ticket."

She heard her mother sigh on the other end, signaling that she was gradually buying on to the idea.

_"I miss you too, honey. I can't wait to see you. What about Paul? Is he coming with you?" _Renee asked.

Bella squeezed her eyes shut. This was the part she dreaded the most. The blatant lie she would have to tell without raising suspicion.

"Uh... no, he can't get away from practice. But he said hi," Bella blurted out the words fast.

_"Well, tell him I said hi too. He's a good kid. You could do a lot worse,_" Renee said meaningfully.

Her mother liked Paul, Bella knew that.

Before he passed away, her father too liked Paul.

_Everyone liked Paul._

Even Bella herself couldn't deny that she liked Paul.

Paul was_ very _likable.

Therein hid the problem.

"Mom, you realize we are not... like _that_. We are not together like that, and you know it," she said with slight irritation.

_"I know, honey. I just want you to think long and hard before you do anything you might be sorry for later. Sometimes we don't know how important something is until we lose it. I just don't want you to live with that kind of regret. But I get it, I'm just your silly old mom, so I'll shut up now._

_"Send me your flight number and arrival time, okay?"_

"Okay, Mom. See you soon. Bye."

_"Bye, honey. I love you."_

Bella hung up the phone and stared at her packed bag sitting by the door.

The impromptu trip home would only buy her a little extra time before she had to make a decision once and for all about her possible future with Paul.

She wished she wasn't such a coward.

She wished she hadn't let things drag on as long as she did.

Above all, she wished Paul wasn't such a kind and compassionate human being.

It would have made things so much easier if he weren't.

**Thank you Lulabelle98, HeidiJoVT, and Dinx.**

**As you can see, Bella comes with her share of baggage too. Though nowhere near as heavy as Edward's. But of course Bella knows nothing of that quite yet, so the little trouble she has feels like a mountain to her. **


	90. Chapter 90

**Where the Streets Have No Name**

**Chapter 90**

Bella met Paul when they were both in middle school. He had been her shadow ever since.

When they began high school, he asked her to be his date to the Freshman Formal, but she turned him down politely.

Paul was persistent. He asked her again later that year, and again the year after to the Sophomore Spring Dance, until she shyly accepted.

Even as an awkward teen, Paul was a sweet boy. He excelled in class work, but was not deemed a nerd. He was a star sportsman but was never vain about his accomplishments. He was very much part of the "in" crowd yet he never felt the need to belittle anyone to legitimize his place in the group.

When Bella announced to her parents she was going to the dance with Paul, they were ecstatic. Loved by townsfolk and teachers alike, Paul was the quintessential golden boy who could do no wrong.

Bella could never quite explain to herself why she consistently failed to be part of the Paul cheer-wagon. She could tell he was a sweet, well mannered and kind hearted boy. He wasn't particularly hard on the eyes either. Yet the idea of exploring the forbidden but oh-so alluring landscape of sexual awareness with him left a clammy taste in her mouth.

Paul was too familiar - too mundane - to hold any intrigue for her. He was like an open book and she felt she knew the plot twists by heart. There was nothing to uncover, nothing new to learn.

So, shortly after the Spring Dance, when Paul asked her out on a second date, Bella gently but decisively told him that she felt it was for the best that they remained just friends. That she didn't want to be anyone's girlfriend yet.

Paul's face fell in heartbreak, but true to his reputation, he didn't harangue Bella to overturn her decision.

"If you ever change your mind, would you tell me? 'Cause you know, I'll wait for you as long as I have to," he said with simple conviction.

Bella agreed. She saw no reason to be needlessly cruel. After all, it wasn't like she had anyone else in the horizon. Paul would grow tired of waiting eventually.

That was until the unthinkable happened.

**Thank you ****Lulabelle98, ****HeidiJoVT,**** and Dinx.**


	91. Chapter 91

**Where the Streets Have No Name**

**Chapter 91**

Right before Bella's sophomore year came to an end, her parents sat her down and delivered the earth shattering news as gently as they could: Her father was battling cancer and there was a good chance that he might not win.

She also learned how she had been kept in the dark about it for years. Her father's relocation to Seattle for weeks at a time, and her mother's haggard demeanor from a few years ago made perfect sense to her now.

They had hoped Charlie Swan had won his fight against cancer. He had been in remission for over a year. Until the scour came back with a vengeance.

This time around, the battle weary Swans knew the odds were stacked against them. There was little point in keeping the inevitable a secret from their only child. However much they wanted to shield her from all the hardships that lay ahead, they knew the futility of the effort.

Bella was inconsolable. While not a fragile wallflower by any standard, she wasn't yet prepared to embrace the tragic truth that all humans must come to terms with sooner or later. The truth that their parents were not infallible immortals.

It was too soon for Bella to learn the bitter lesson.

And it was at this juncture in time that Paul reasserted his presence into Bella's life as a constant source of strength, support, and shelter.

He held her hand through the two year long struggle as her father went through treatment. He hugged her gently as she cried herself out on the bad days. He brought home class notes and homework for her the days she missed school to be near her dad toward the end. And he stood by her when Charlie Swan was lowered to the ground.

He became her rock.

And she let him.

Now the rock that once anchored her to the ground was pulling her down into the abyss, and she had no idea how she was going to swim ashore on her own steam.

**Thank you ****Lulabelle98, ****HeidiJoVT,**** and Dinx.**


	92. Chapter 92

**Where the Streets Have No Name**

**Chapter 92**

Paul never pushed for more than friendship, but Bella could see the implicit faith he held that when she was ready, it would be him she chose.

In the beginning, the fact that she might be deceiving Paul never weighed on her conscience too heavily. She always reasoned that once high school was over, they would go their separate ways. The natural progression of life would solve the problem for her. Promises made in high school would remain there, unfulfilled.

Surely Paul wouldn't hold a torch for her once he went off to some prestigious college on the West Coast on a well endowed sports scholarship.

She knew that he had been scouted by several big-name schools. She knew how much Paul wanted to attend Stanford. She also knew that her modest GPA, and even more modest college fund, wouldn't buy her the passage anywhere other than mid-ranking colleges.

Which was why she was rightfully floored when Paul informed her that he was forgoing the opportunity of several full scholarships and his dream of moving to the sunny, golden coast to follow her to Boston University.

"Bella, you didn't expect me to go anywhere without you, did you?" Paul said as if he was explaining the obvious when Bella stammered her question as to why he would do such a thing.

"But I don't want you to miss out on this, Paul. A good school, a full scholarship. You can't blow it all off just for me. You can't do that!" Bella voiced her objection in a shrill, panicked tone.

"You're not _just _anything, Bella. You know that, don't you? A Good school, the scholarship, none of it means a thing if I can't be near you. Besides, I've already sent in my acceptance letter.

"So, guess what? We're both going to BU!" Paul said with a bright smile.

Bella returned a weak one as the realization dawned on her just how firmly she had tied herself to a boy whom she didn't really love, and what a high price she might have to pay for selfishly accepting the gift of kindness from him, expecting time and distance to shield her from ever having to pay the accumulating debt.

**Thank you Lulabelle98, HeidiJoVT, and Dinx.**


	93. Chapter 93

**Where the Streets Have No Name**

**Chapter 93**

College life didn't necessarily cause a big change in Bella and Paul's relationship. The ever patient Paul continued to be her gentle, doting protector. Although she had begun to pick up subtle hints in his small, everyday gestures that he was slowly but surely hoping for things to change between them in favor of something more intimate.

She could read the signs. A kiss lingering just a few seconds longer than what could be deemed strictly "friendly", a hug lasting a few counts past two Mississippis.

And who could blame him?

He was nineteen.

She would be too soon.

What was the big hold up after all?

She very well could be the only girl to have left high school with her V-card intact. It just wasn't natural to hold on to it indefinitely. It wasn't as though she was saving herself for someone special.

There was no one special.

Nor was it the case that she wasn't curious. At this stage in the game, she knew it was inevitable that it would be Paul that she would experience it with. Almost all of her new friends on campus considered them a couple anyway.

Yet she was thoroughly surprised when Paul shyly presented her with the tickets and reservation for a romantic weekend at the Niagara's, complete with the honeymoon suite at the Marriott Fallsview Hotel.

The insinuation was clear. He expected them to finally cross the line and seal the deal as a couple.

"Uh... oh shit, Paul. That's really sweet, but I'm... I'm flying out to visit Mom that weekend. Wish you'd told me sooner." Bella heard the lie spill out of her lips even before she had the time to think things through.

"What? When did you plan this?" Paul asked, disappointment apparent in his voice.

"Just last night. Mom bought me the ticket. I was gonna tell you of course, but...

"I'm sorry, Paul, but I wish you'd told me before making plans." Bella cemented her lie surprisingly well, though the panic rising inside her was making it difficult to keep her voice from trembling.

"Can't you go another weekend? We're going home for Thanksgiving anyway..." Paul asked hopefully.

"Sorry, non-refundable tickets. You know those online deals.

"Besides, Mom's been on her own since Dad... since the funeral. I'd like to see her too."

Paul nodded understandingly. "Of course. We can always go to the Niagara's another time."

"I'm really sorry, Paul," Bella apologized. She didn't have to try to imbue her words with forced sincerity.

She truly was sorry. Perhaps not for the reason she led Paul to believe.

**Thank you ****Lulabelle98, ****HeidiJoVT,**** and Dinx.**


	94. Chapter 94

**Where the Streets Have No Name**

**Chapter 94**

Paul drove her to the airport, made her promise that she would text him as soon as she arrived, wished her a safe journey, and kissed her goodbye.

Bella squirmed under Paul's concerned gaze and boarded the plane with a heavy heart burdened with guilt.

She said a silent prayer so that Paul didn't call Renee while she was in flight. The thought of being caught in her lie was not only deeply embarrassing, but it was also a painful reminder of how much Paul didn't deserve such deceit from her.

She didn't want to be the kind of a person who lied and cheated with impunity to selfishly gain favors from unsuspecting men. But when she was finally confronted with the prospect crossing the Rubicon, her mind was paralyzed with fear.

She felt utterly unprepared, and worse still, unwilling to go through with it.

In her panic, she sought out the only plausible ruse her mind could concoct.

She hated that she had lied to Paul, and made her mother an accessory in the process.

She hated that she had allowed herself to selfishly keep Paul in her life when the decent thing would have been to cut him loose years ago.

She hated herself for stringing along a boy as sweet natured as Paul who deserved so much better than an ungrateful and self centered girl like her.

She vowed to make the best use of the next couple of days to get her head screwed straight and reach a sound decision on what she would do with regard to Paul.

Come Monday, she would either surrender herself - mind, body and soul - to Paul without any reservation. Or she would break up with him, however much it hurt him. No matter which path she took, she refused to lie to Paul ever again, by omission or otherwise.

**Thank you ****Lulabelle98, ****HeidiJoVT,**** and Dinx.**


	95. Chapter 95

**Where the Streets Have No Name**

**Chapter 95**

Renee was waiting for Bella at the airport when she strolled out of the arrival gate. She rushed toward her mother and threw herself into her waiting arms.

She truly missed being home.

Even though she was technically an adult now and had moved away from her parents, she still associated her mother's presence with "home".

"You didn't have to come. I could've taken the bus," Bella said as they made their way to the parked cars.

"Oh, pfft! You'd be changing buses all day and still not get there by nightfall. I _wanted _to come," Renee refuted.

"But what about your work? Who's looking after Ella? Are you sure they're okay with you taking time off?" Bella asked.

"Ella is visiting her mom today. Edward takes her to the hospital to see her every week," Renee explained, her expression clenching with sorrow. "The poor thing. It breaks my heart to see them like that. So tragic."

Bella had heard about her mother's work with the Cullens and knew the bare minimum about the family dynamic. The thought of a little girl visiting a sick parent was all too real to her and it drenched her heart with sympathy much like it did Renee's.

"Oh, poor thing. That's awful. What do the doctors say? Isn't there any chance of her getting better?" Bella asked as they got into the car and began their trek to the suburbs.

"Edward doesn't really like to talk about Carmen - that's his wife's name," Renee clarified. "But from what I've heard from Edward's parents, it's really uncertain. Oh you should see their pictures; she was such a beautiful young girl. A little older than you. Can't imagine what the poor guy is going through," Renee said with empathy.

Bella nodded her head in agreement. She truly couldn't even imagine what it would be like to have a loved one trapped in limbo, between life and death. Both she and her mother had suffered bereavement, but she couldn't fathom what they would have done if her father's condition left him in a state of suspended statis. Technically alive, but lost to the world of the living.

The weight of the thought hurt her head and they turned to lighter topics like Bella's school and her tutoring job to fill the commuting time.

As they neared their destination, Renee filled Bella in on the living arrangement she had set up for her short stay.

"You'll have the basement all to yourself. It's a huge house and the basement is big enough to be a separate apartment. I think you'll like it."

"No worries, Mom. It's only for a couple of days. I'll be fine with an air mattress."

"Edward's still not back," Renee remarked as she parked her car in the garage, pointing at the empty spot next to hers.

"He's a really sweet guy. You'll like him. But just a heads up, he tends to be a little out of sorts the days he takes Ella for the visits. So if he isn't being too chirpy today, don't think he's being rude," Renee said, briefing Bella what to expect from her employer.

"Don't worry, Mom. I'll stay out of his way. He won't even notice I'm there," Bella promised.

**Thank you ****Lulabelle98, ****HeidiJoVT,**** and Dinx.**


	96. Chapter 96

**Where the Streets Have No Name**

**Chapter 96**

**We're back to Edward...**

Edward sat by Carmen's bedside with a squirming Ella in his lap. They had been there quite a bit longer than their usual visits. Renee's daughter was due to arrive that day, and he wanted to give the woman some unencumbered time to spend with her family. She definitely had earned it.

Ella was rapidly becoming impatient. She was at that age; she didn't enjoy having her movements curbed, and was making her displeasure known by yelping every time her father dissuaded her from reaching for the numerous wires and tubes that were connected to the machines her mother was hooked to.

"Sshh. Don't, Ella," Edward said once again as he pulled his daughter away from making a grab for the IV line.

Ella began to cry in earnest as a result. The few toys that her father had brought along to keep her distracted had lost their appeal by then. There wasn't much in the sparse room that could keep a child Ella's age amused for long.

She didn't understand the significance these visits represented. It was doubtful if she even recognized the prone figure on the bed as her mother.

_Perhaps Elvira is right_, Edward mused.

Maybe she'll understand in a year or two, he thought.

A year.

Or two.

Perhaps more.

The very real prospect that Carmen's condition could remain unchanged in a year's time chilled his bones.

He couldn't fathom how he would ever get used to such a fate. Or internalize such acceptance. To be tied to his greatest source of guilt and torment indefinitely.

"Ella is here to see you, Carmen," he said. "I don't know if you can hear me, but I want you to know that she's doing well. Remember I told you that she has a new nanny? Renee takes real good care of her. She's happy, and healthy." He paused.

Ella's cries were getting louder. Soon it might summon a nurse who would courteously ask him to remove Ella from the wing. Although why it mattered he didn't understand. Nearly all the patients on this floor were in various stages of unconsciousness. Ella's cries probably wouldn't even register in their brains. However, the visitors and the loved ones who came to spend time with them were a different matter altogether. They very well could be put off by the relentless wailing of a cranky child.

"Carmen, if you can hear me, please wake up. I'm sorry I yelled at you. I'm sorry I said those horrible things. But how could you do this to me? To Ella?"

He sighed deeply. These were more or less the same words he conveyed to Carmen every week, with slight changes in details. His phrasing varied, but the message was always the same.

He searched Carmen's face for any sign of awareness. He found none.

In just a few short months her face had begun to host the telltale signs of droopy muscles and slacking jaw, weakened from disuse.

Her skin was pale. Paler than she had ever been in life.

_Life?_

She_ was_ alive.

Technically, at least.

She was still his wife. His next of kin. And so she would remain. Always.

Unless she woke up.

Or...

He wanted to be free of her. Now he was cuffed to her irrevocably for the rest of her natural life.

The irony wasn't lost on him.

There would be no moving on for him. He would be defined by Carmen from here on. She would surround him from every direction while lying still on this bed.

Was this his punishment for wanting to be happy? To forge a life for himself and Ella with fewer burdens?

"I'll see you next week, Carmen," he finally said, as he gathered up Ella and the tote bag that accompanied her to head for home.

He hoped his prolonged visit had allowed Renee to spend some quality time with her daughter. He wasn't too concerned to have a house guest for the weekend. He trusted Renee not to have spawned a social delinquent. From the way Renee spoke of her, she sounded like a responsible and level headed young adult.

It was only for a couple of days.

_Hope she doesn't smoke._

**Thank you Lulabelle98, HeidiJoVT, and Dinx.**

**Let me know what you think...**


	97. Chapter 97

**Where the Streets Have No Name**

**Chapter 97**

**We're back to Bella...**

"Oh wow! This is_ huge_!" Bella exclaimed as her mother gave her a quick tour of the Cullen house.

Renee smiled in response. "Yah, I know. This sure is a big house for just the two of them. Well, they had Ella. And who knows, maybe they wanted a big family."

"Big family? More like an army," Bella teased. "You told me the house was big, but I had no idea these people were _this _loaded. This place is like a museum! I swear my feet are hurting. Please don't tell me they make you clean too."

Bella's exaggerated jest made Renee laugh. "Nah, there's a cleaning service that comes by once a week. The house isn't that big! You're just tired from the flight. And the time switch is messing with you. You'll be a lot less achy after dinner," Renee said as she led Bella down the stairs to her temporary quarters in the basement.

"Whoa, you weren't kidding. The basement is a whole separate place! It even has its own deck. Mom, you didn't have to set all this up for me. I'm only gonna be here for a couple of days," Bella said, looking around the spacious area.

"It's no trouble. I knew you'd be shy about staying in a strange house. So I picked the place where you'll have some privacy.

"Now, would you mind telling me what this is visit is _really _about?" Renee said with a knowing look as she sat down on the bed, patting the spot next to her for Bella to sit.

"Is it about Paul?" she prodded.

Bella sank down next to her mother, not completely surprised that Renee managed to hit the target so seamlessly.

"Want to tell me about it? I do have a few years' advantage here," Renee said soothingly, picking out a speck of lint from Bella's shoulder affectionately.

Bella mulled over the offer. She loved her mother. In the year or so before she left home, they were both far too stressed about her father's failing health to indulge in light-hearted frivolity such as boy-talk. Neither was in the right frame of mind to bother. But she sure was in desperate need of counsel to find a way out of the predicament she faced.

She nodded her head almost imperceptibly with downcast eyes.

"You can tell me_ anything_, honey," Renee encouraged gently.

In a slow, halting pace, censoring the inappropriate, Bella recounted the life altering decision she faced.

**Thank you Lulabelle98, HeidiJoVT, and Dinx.**


	98. Chapter 98

**Where the Streets Have No Name**

**Chapter 98**

"I don't know what to do, Mom. I can't just dump him. But I can't… I can't…" Bella shook her head in frustration.

"Paul is a good kid," Renee said.

Bella was afraid of this. She knew there was a good chance Renee would go to bat for Paul.

"I know _that_," Bella said with irritation. "That's the problem, Mom. Paul is perfect. He is nice and sweet and kind and caring and loyal-"

"But he doesn't make you want to sneak out at night through the window, does he?" Renee asked, cutting Bella off.

"Huh?"

"Paul is nice and sweet, and you know I think very highly of him. But he is not someone you'd risk breaking your curfew for. You wouldn't throw a tantrum if I told you that you're grounded and can't see him anymore, would you? He doesn't make you want to walk through fire or swim across the Atlantic just to be with him, right?" Renee elaborated.

Bella contemplated her mother's attempt to exemplify what Paul meant to her. Renee was right.

She wouldn't.

She hadn't.

She shook her head.

"Then I think you know what you need to do," Renee said sagely as she wrecked her fingers through Bella's hair soothingly.

"But I don't want to hurt his feelings, Mom. I mean, he's been there for me when I needed him. How can I... how can I just...

"He'll be so hurt... then he'll hate me. I don't want Paul to hate me," Bella mumbled.

"Yes, quite possibly he will be hurt, and yes, he probably will be mad too. For a while. But you'll be hurting him a lot more later. If you're not honest with him now, you'll be doing him a great disservice. He deserves better, honey. You know that, don't you?"

Bella lowered her face. "I know..."

Her mother's words surprised her. She was expecting Renee to try and talk some "sense" into her. To tell her what a fool she would be to let Paul go.

Bella yawned then curled herself on the bed, putting her head in her mother's lap.

"Does it really ever happen?" Bella asked in a forlorn voice.

"What, honey?"

"Do you really ever want to do those things for someone? Walk through fire? Cross the ocean? Crazy stuff like that?"

Renee took a deep breath before answering, continuing to comb her daughter's hair with her fingers.

"Yes. You do." She sighed, memories of lost love stinging her eyes. "If you're very lucky, you meet that person whom you'll do anything for. And if you're even more lucky, that person would want to do the same for you."

"Was it like that with Dad? When you met him?" Bella persisted. Exhaustion was finally hitting her hard. But she wanted to stay awake and listen to her mother talk.

Tears brimmed in Renee's eyes. Even after nearly a year, the reminder of her loss still held the power to bring her to her knees.

"Yah...

"Yes, it was like that, honey," she spoke softly, fighting away the chokehold in her throat. "And I know it in my heart, you'll meet someone special too. You have your whole life ahead of you for that.

"Now you rest up a little while I go upstairs and put together dinner," Renee said as she lifted Bella's head gently from her lap and placed a pillow underneath. Her daughter was going to be with her only for a short while. She didn't want to blemish their limited time with grief.

"Okay," Bella murmured sleepily.

"Don't fall asleep now. I'll come and get you when the food is ready," Renee said as she made her way up the stairs, discreetly wiping her eyes.

Edward and Ella arrived home just as Renee finished with cooking. The strained look on Edward's face was something she had come to expect as an after-effect of his "visits".

Hoping the distraction of having company might snap him out of his distress, Renee went down to fetch Bella for dinner. Only to find her soundly asleep.

She gently pulled the covers over Bella's sleeping form and returned to the kitchen. The introductions would have to wait until tomorrow.

**Thank you Lulabelle98, HeidiJoVT, and Dinx.**


	99. Chapter 99

**Where the Streets Have No Name**

**Chapter 99**

Bella woke up in the middle of the night feeling groggy, disoriented, and hungry.

For a moment or two she wasn't sure where she was. Then it came to her; she was visiting her mother at her new employer's house. She fell asleep before dinner.

The time lag between the two coasts was wreaking havoc on her system. It was past three in the morning in Seattle according to the clock by her bed, but her body still reacted to Massachusetts' time where she would be up and about for the day by now.

She sat up on the bed and took stock of her surroundings. She was still in her travel clothes but was wrapped in a blanket.

_Mom._

She considered trying to go back to sleep, but her stomach growled in protest. She hadn't eaten anything in a long time. She decided to risk venturing upstairs to forage for food.

She splashed her face with water and changed out of her soiled clothes. Then tiptoed her way up the stairs to find the kitchen.

The house seemed bigger in the darkness, and she was glad her mother took the time to give her the tour earlier. She found the leftovers in the fridge without much trouble, and even managed to heat it up without making too much noise.

She ate quickly, put away the dishes in the dishwasher, and was about to tiptoe back to the basement, when she heard the faint noise of a baby's cry.

It was coming from upstairs.

_Ella._

She reckoned her mother to be around.

She could give her a hand with Ella perhaps? After all, she was wide awake now, whereas her mother probably was deathly tired. She helped Renee with the daycare center before it was shut down. Looking after small children wasn't new to her.

She climbed up to the second floor toward the room her mother had pointed out as Ella's nursery.

She could hear movements from inside. Her mother was up already, it seemed.

The door was left ajar.

Bella was about to enter the room when she was struck still on her spot by a male voice.

That was_ not _her mother.

She wondered why it didn't occur to her until now that Ella's father was just as likely to be tending to his baby as Renee.

Bella realized that she shouldn't be up here.

It would be entirely too awkward to meet her mother's employer for the first time at this ungodly hour in the living quarters reserved for the family.

She needed to trace back her steps as quietly as possible before her presence was given away.

However, before she could make a move, she heard a familiar lullaby coming from the nursery.

Ella's father was singing to his daughter. Something Renee used to sing to her when she was little.

Bella couldn't help but smile. She had many sweet memories tied to that tune. Had her mother taught him the song?

With caution and stealth, she peeked inside the room, making sure her body was hidden behind the door.

Should she have known that the sight that would meet her would alter her life irrevocably, perhaps she would have opted to step away from indulging her curiosity.

But the world was still just as round, and seeing too far down the road was just as beyond the grasp of mere mortals as it always had been.

**Thank you Lulabelle98, HeidiJoVT, and Dinx.**

***The last line is a tie in with the ending of chapter 25. **


	100. Chapter 100

**Where the Streets Have No Name**

**Chapter 100**

There wasn't an artificial source of light in the room, but moonbeam flooding through the open window illuminated its occupants in an unearthly glow.

It was in this surreal light that Bella caught the first glimpse of Edward with Ella.

He was pacing the length of the room while rocking his daughter close to his chest. He was trying to hold a milk bottle in place that Ella was swatting away. But she was, slowly but surely, submitting to the lulling motion and the soothing sound of her father's hum.

Bella noticed that he didn't know the words. He mumbled over the makeshift lyrics her mother had concocted all those years ago, but knew the tune quite well.

Bella had a sudden urge to sing along with him, teaching him the words he was glossing over. But she had to restrain her impulse. She couldn't give away her position behind the door.

She had seen framed pictures of the Cullen family adorning the living room wall. She vaguely recalled how she had thought that Edward Cullen was a decent looking guy. However, the man standing in the room, tending to his baby with incredible gentleness didn't seem to fit her perception.

During her cursory sweep, her eyes didn't linger long enough to register eye or hair color. But that didn't matter in the shadowy illusion of moonlight. His face was downcast and every aspect of the man manifested in subtle shades of silver and black.

Swirling boundaries, out of focus, yet too compelling to look away.

Once the baby in his arms quieted down, he sat down on the rocking chair by the crib, still singing the wordless lullaby.

Bella felt her heart clench. A parent's devotion to their child is nothing to be shocked about. But the utter tenderness of the scene playing out in the nursery moved her to the core.

She didn't know how long she stood there, spellbound by his lullaby, but she was jarred out of her trance when he stopped singing.

I shouldn't be here, she reminded herself. It was wrong to be spying on such a private moment. She didn't belong there. This bonding moment between father and daughter was not for her to behold.

She resolved to take a silent step back.

However, she heard him exhale a deep, shaky sigh before she could lift her foot.

Curiosity got the best of her once again. This time when she peeked, she saw him kiss Ella's head and then lift his face to the ceiling in a gesture of supplication.

He looked into the nothingness, giving Bella the first opportunity to really take in his face.

**Thank you ****Lulabelle98, ****HeidiJoVT,**** and Dinx.**

**Chapter 100! That's quite a landmark for me. Thank you all those who stuck by. I was far too engrossed watching the Apocalypse marathon on National Geographic yesterday, so there were no updates. I'm really sorry about that. What can I say, I am a total sucker for all things WWII! Love you all. Please review...**


	101. Chapter 101

**Where the Streets Have No Name**

**Chapter 101**

Her breath hitched in her throat.

Edward Cullen's face held the sorrows and anguish of a thousand lives. Every edge and line told the tale of heartbreak and lost hope.

His was the face of a drowning man.

He was drowning in moonlight.

He was drowning in a room full of oxygen.

He was drowning in an ocean of bleak solitude.

The wetness on his cheek reflected by the elusive light betrayed his silent tears.

Bella had to forcibly hold herself in place so she didn't do something hugely inappropriate, like rushing to his side or pull him into her arms.

But she wanted to. So very badly.

She wanted to comfort him, tell him everything was going to be alright, kiss him silly, make him smile, even if only for a moment.

She understood the futility of her yearning, but felt helpless against the sheer force of it.

There was nothing she could do for this broken man. Maybe there were arms that could assuage his hurt. Perhaps there were lips that could kiss away his pain.

But not hers. Never hers.

Even considering such possibilities were blasphemous. He was a grieving spouse who was mourning his wife's absence. Wanting to share his sorrow or comfort him was beyond preposterous.

He was her mother's employer. There could never be anything other than civil politeness between them, if anything at all. She didn't know him, and he didn't know her. Decorum dictated that there ought not be a need for more either.

Yet she couldn't bring herself to retreat from her spot. She stood there, conflicted and torn, until she felt the sting in her own eyes of treacherous tears.

She cursed herself for being so incredibly silly. And because it meant she now had no recourse but to leave the premises. If she didn't, her sniffles sure would betray her presence. She had enough presence of mind to know the awkwardness that would ensue if she got caught outside of Ella's nursery.

She took one last look, then quietly- and unwillingly - tiptoed her way back to her quarters in the basement.

As she navigated her way through the dark house, her mother's words flashed through her mind.

_To want to walk through fire._

_Swim across the ocean. _

_Break all rules. _

_Traverse the impossible. _

_Risk everything._

_For that special someone._

Just a few hours ago she had wondered whether such compulsions could ever be more than fairytale.

She had her answer now. And the knowledge terrified her.

Surely this was not what her mother had in mind when she alluded to the possibility.

She crawled into her bed, gripping the edges of the blanket tightly. There was little hope of finding sleep and she was in no condition to go looking.

With distance - however little the two floors between them provided - came some clarity and she wondered what had possessed her so thoroughly just minutes ago.

It had to be the bewitching hour and the unreal atmosphere that she found herself in that triggered such strong emotions from her, she reasoned.

She was already troubled by her inner turmoil and her mind simply wanted to provide her with a distraction.

The lullaby he hummed was connected to countless pleasant memories tied to a happy childhood.

The unfamiliar surroundings and the dark corners of the large house reinforced her disorientation.

All factors combined, her imagination ran away from her and she suffered a moment of a complete break with reality.

Surely no mortal man could look as alluring as she recalled him to be. Her mind had concocted all those unearthly attributes and ascribed them to him to fulfil some crazy fantasy she didn't even know was hiding in some obscure corner of her brain.

She would officially meet Edward Cullen in the morning. The daylight would drive away whatever spell the moon had cast the night before.

She had to believe that.

Holding onto that hope, she waited for dawn to break.

**Thank you ****Lulabelle98, ****HeidiJoVT,**** and Dinx.**

**Hope you'll review (pretty please?)!**

**According to my FF traffic stats, I have a few readers from Germany. Here's a request to you all: If you don't mind helping me with a little research for a possible story, would you kindly give me a shout? You can PM me, or send me a twitter message (ToTheDreaming), or via facebook (Dreamofthe Endless). For this particular topic, I think the age range of 30s to 40s+ would be the best. Any younger, and you might not really have any idea or interest about what I need to ask. Thank you in advance! **


	102. Chapter 102

**Where the Streets Have No Name**

**Chapter 102**

Bella stayed awake through the remainder hours of the night, restlessly counting sheep and glancing at the clock every few minutes. When the timepiece signaled 6:30AM, she couldn't hold herself still any longer.

After a quick shower and change of clothes, she cautiously made her way up the stairs to the main floor of the house. She was eager and nervous in equal parts of meet Edward Cullen. She desperately needed to put her theory to the test. To be assured that in the stark light of reality the man would not draw such unwanted reactions from her.

On her way to the kitchen, which she thought was the likeliest place to find her mother, she stopped by the living room to inspect the framed pictures she had noticed the day before.

There were only three.

The first one was a wedding photo where the bride and the groom posed for the photographer with smiling faces.

Edward Cullen had green eyes she realized. And strange, shimmering-brown hair. He looked breathtakingly beautiful, as did Carmen Cullen. Bella kept looking at the picture mesmerizingly, wondering how she had failed to notice this yesterday.

In the picture, he was wearing the customary tuxedo with hair tamed back into a perfect slick. Nothing like the haunting spectre she had encountered last night. The dark haired beauty next to him was equally gorgeous. The honey-gold hue of her skin contrasted brilliantly with his ivory pale. Together, they were a vision of perfection.

_He must love her so very much._

It was no wonder the violent separation was taking such a high toll on the poor man.

Bella's heart lurched at the memory of how broken and lost he looked in the nursery.

And then an unexpected wave of envy swirled through her mind. Envy because the woman in the picture held the key to fix _him_, while she herself didn't.

She tried to recall if her mother had ever imparted the details regarding Carmen Cullen's condition. Maybe she had, but quite possibly Bella had brushed them aside as irrelevant trivia at the time. Suddenly she was extremely curious to learn what exactly had happened to Carmen that had put her in a coma.

The second picture was evidently taken at the wedding as well, only it was a family photo with two pairs of elderly couples standing behind the newlyweds.

The tall, blond man standing next to Edward Cullen held a striking facial resemblance to be anyone but his father. And the woman with a kind smile had the same green eyes.

The couple standing by the bride looked somewhat stern, but the familial likeness was clear.

_The parents and the in-laws._

The third picture showed Edward Cullen holding a tiny bundle in his arms, presumably his baby daughter.

This was the one that made Bella gasp for breath.

The picture was taken somewhere in this house, quite possibly in the very living room. The baby in his arms looked tiny; perhaps no more than a few days old. Edward was looking at the camera with a proud, dazzling smile. The unbelievable joy in his eyes was so palpable that it seemed as though it could jump out and touch the unsuspecting viewer from the two-dimensional confines of the frame.

He looked happy. Truly and completely.

The smile on his face reached every inch of his body, lighting up the six by twelve piece of paper with the brightness of the sun.

He was radiant.

Bella couldn't wrap her head around the extent of the sorrow that could transform a person so thoroughly in such a short period of time. Not even the soul crushing bereavement she had suffered when her father died could serve as a frame of reference to explain what Edward Cullen was experiencing.

_Oh, poor you..._

The overwhelming urge to protect and comfort this wounded man reared its head once again inside her heart. She found herself clutching the sides of her pants to restrain her hands from reaching out and tracing the picture frame with her fingers. She could feel the telltale sting of tears in her eyes.

"Bella, is that you honey?"

Her mother's voice coming from the direction of the kitchen jarred her back to reality. She quickly wiped her eyes and prepared to face Renee, and quite possibly the object of her inexplicable obsession - Edward Cullen.

**Thank you Lulabelle98, HeidiJoVT, and Dinx.**

**A super special thanks to A is for Angel; my 5000th reviewer! Holy swear word, Batman!:) Love you, sweetie! **

**Thank you all, for coming this far with me. I don't have the words to say how much this means to me. **

**Much love...**


	103. Chapter 103

**Where the Streets Have No Name**

**Chapter 103**

"Morning, Mom," Bella said as she saw her mother approach with Ella wrapped around her torso in a hands-free baby carrier. Renee had learned early on that these baby accessories were the perfect solution to meet Ella's constant need for human contact without having to compromise her mobility or use of her hands.

"Morning, sweetie. Come and meet Ella," Renee said with a smile.

"Ahh, so this is the cutie pie you replaced me with?" Bella put on a cheerful facade as she greeted her mother and Ella.

This was the first time she was getting a close look at the baby that had become the center of her mother's universe over the past few months. Bella was familiar with sharing her mother's affections with a houseful of small children who were under Renee's care when she used to run her daycare center. But never before now did a single child occupy Renee's complete attention.

"No one can ever replace you, sweetie," Renee quipped back, knowing perfectly well that Bella was only teasing.

"Oh my God, she is so cute!" Bella exclaimed as she took in Ella's face.

"A-ha. Told you," Renee agreed with pride as she lovingly grazed Ella's head with her lips.

"Can I hold her?" Bella asked excitedly.

"Later. First come and say hi to Edward. Then we have to plan our day," Renee said as she turned around to lead them back to the kitchen.

Bella felt her heart skip a beat.

This was it.

She was about to meet the man in person. And have her theory tested once and for all.

With timid feet she followed Renee to the brightly lit, spacious kitchen and stopped by the entrance to prepare herself for the impact.

The man in casual clothes who was standing in the kitchen, pouring himself coffee, looked nothing like the shattered soul she recalled from last night, nor did he resemble any of the photos framed on the living room wall. Of course, he had the same face, but his presence neither revealed sorrow nor joy. It was almost as though he was hiding behind a wall of numbness.

There was an air of detachment in the way he held himself. If she hadn't seen him fall apart right before her own eyes, she easily would have missed the hint of resigned hopelessness in his gaze.

But she_ had _seen him at his most vulnerable.

It had left her with an unquenchable need to piece him back together again.

And now she knew that no amount of sunlight could free her from the web that now held her captive to this impossible fantasy.

**Thank you ****Lulabelle98, ****HeidiJoVT,**** and Dinx.**

**I was a bit too dopey yesterday after being at the dentist and didn't have the mental acuity to turn on my laptop. Sorry about that. **

**I've learned that my OS Forgive Me Not got nominated at the Eclipse Award in the Best Angst category. A ton of great stuff are nominated there. Voting will start tomorrow. I hope you'll check out the stories and vote for the one that you love the most. **

**twilighteclipseawards (dot) blogspot (dot) ca / p / one-shot-nominees (dot) html**

****I'm curious to know what you think of Forgive Me Not even if you don't vote for me. So, hope you'll take a look. It's pretty short and won't take too long to skim. ****

**Thank you, kindly! **


	104. Chapter 104

**Where the Streets Have No Name**

**Chapter 104**

"Edward, this is my daughter, Bella," Renee said with high spirits. "And Bella, this is Edward Cullen, Ella's dad and provider of my paychecks."

Edward turned to look at his houseguest and extended his hand in greeting.

"Hello, Bella," he said politely.

Hearing Renee talk about her daughter, Edward had constructed the image of a happy and cheerful teen. The girl who barely nodded her head and reluctantly shook his hand didn't match his mental picture.

For one, even though she was a bit shorter than her mother, Bella Swan appeared older than her almost nineteen years. Her eyes harbored storm clouds of trouble. She was a far cry from the happy-go-lucky kid he was expecting to meet.

Perhaps there was a more ominous reason behind her sudden visit than merely feeling homesick. Whatever the case might be, it wasn't his place to intrude. Renee was more than capable of helping her daughter.

He decided not to dwell on the matter.

"Renee, I don't have work today. I'll take Ella so you two can... well, just take the day off. Have a good time with your family," Edward announced as he reverted his eyes from Bella.

"Thank you, Edward. That's really sweet of you. But we haven't really made any plans yet. We can talk over breakfast and figure things out. What do you say?" Renee said as she looked from Bella to Edward who nodded their consent.

Settling Ella down onto the high chair proved to be a noisy affair. As per her usual morning routine, she clutched onto Renee, loudly and steadfastly refusing to be strapped down to the chair.

"Here, let me-"

"Let me help-"

Both Edward and Bella volunteered at the same time, and as they moved toward Renee to lend a hand, Edward's arm brushed against Bella's side. It was unintended and Edward apologized as courtesy would dictate, but not before noticing how Bella visibly flinched as though she had been electrocuted by the contact.

Her face paled and she looked trapped, as though she was holding herself on the spot by immense effort. Everything about the girl perplexed Edward. She wasn't the easy going conversationalist like Renee.

_A troubled girl, _he concluded._  
><em>

He had only just met her but it seemed his presence was causing her distress.

_Has she been through some kind of trauma? Victim of a crime perhaps?_

He decided to give her as wide a berth as possible. Maybe he should offer to take Ella out for the day so the women could have the house to themselves. There weren't that many places he could go with Ella where she wouldn't grow bored and restless within the hour, but he would try to stay out as long as possible if that's what the Swan women needed.

Setting aside his musings, he stepped up to gently untangle Ella's grip on Renee and help strap her down at the table.

Renee, far too occupied with placating Ella, didn't notice the awkward moment that had come to pass between her daughter and Edward. She proceeded on to the meal with her usual light hearted grace.

Edward did his best to avoid looking at Bella again, lest his perusal made her feel uncomfortable. But he couldn't shake the unsettling feeling that the young girl sitting beside him at the breakfast table was deeply unhappy and was trying to hold back tears.

He wished he could help, but didn't have the slightest clue how to broach the subject.

Or whether he should.

_No, it's none of my business, _he concluded, and tried to train his thoughts on his own affairs. Though he couldn't claim to be tremendously successful.

* * *

><p><strong>Thank you <strong>**Lulabelle98, ****HeidiJoVT,**** and Dinx.**

**I'm sorry about the delay. Gdoc went bonkers on me. Wouldn't let me copy, paste, or download. I nearly gave up on hope of updating today.**

**Thanks to those who took the time to check out Forgive Me Not. Thanks to those who voted for it. It truly means a lot to me:) **

**Much love...**


	105. Chapter 105

**Where the Streets Have No Name**

**Chapter 105**

"Bella, you need to call Paul. He is all worried that he didn't hear from you after you got here," Renee said as she maneuvered her car into a parking spot outside the shopping mall.

Although Edward had quite generously offered for her to take the day off, in the absence of a solid plan from either Renee or Bella on what they might do with their time, they settled for a quick shopping trip for a few hours so Renee could buy some school supplies for Bella, leaving Edward in charge of his daughter.

None of Bella's friends who lived in Seattle were informed of her hasty visit and she didn't want to impose on their weekend without prior warning. Until she stumbled upon Edward the night before, her sincerest hope was to spend her time in quiet contemplation and perhaps borrow her mother when she wasn't busy caring for Ella. But she was painfully aware that things were different now.

She urgently needed space and distance from the man called Edward Cullen. She needed to make sense of the strange impulses she was battling before she ended up doing something catastrophically inappropriate like...

She refused to entertain the different potential scenarios that played out in her mind as to what might happen if she stayed in close quarters with the man. Anything from getting slapped with a restraining order to her mother losing her job were bitter possibilities if she didn't rein in her madness.

So, even though a shopping trip wasn't high on her preference list, Bella didn't object when her mother proposed the idea and obediently followed her to the car as Renee drove them to the nearest strip mall.

She was lost in her thoughts and didn't notice the minutes passing by until her mother mentioned Paul.

_Paul._

She had completely forgotten all about him until now. Not only didn't he cross her mind once since last night, she also failed to keep her promise to let him know that she had reached Seattle safely. She didn't even remember to turn on her phone after touching down at the airport.

She dropped her head into her palm in frustration.

"Oh damn! I totally forgot. He called you?" Bella asked with a hint of panic in her voice. It wasn't a complete surprise that he had called Renee once he couldn't reach her; Paul had great rapport with her parents.

"Yah, he did," Renee replied as Bella frantically fished out her phone from her purse and pushed the green button to bring it back to life. "He really does care about you, that kid."

Fourteen missed calls. Five text messages.

Bella sighed.

"I know, Mom," Bella said in a small voice as she quickly punched in a text, letting Paul know that she was okay and not to worry.

"Honey, I saw how upset you were this morning. You barely said a word at breakfast. Maybe what you feel for Paul is more than you realize," Renee pointed out sagely. "Or it wouldn't affect you that way. Maybe you need to think it through a little more before you do something you'll regret..."

Bella opened her mouth to correct her mother. Then closed it.

She had utterly failed to hide her distress earlier in the kitchen. Her mother picked up the clues and took them as a sign of the inner turmoil she was suffering over breaking up with Paul.

Her mother was wrong.

But setting her straight would be a million times worse.

"Yah... you're probably right," Bella lied.

**Thank you ****Lulabelle98, ****HeidiJoVT,**** and Dinx.**

**Have I told you lately how much I love you? :)**


	106. Chapter 106

**Where the Streets Have No Name**

**Chapter 106**

"Mom, I swear I don't need more socks," Bella objected as her mother browsed the retail store with avid determination to stock up on everything her daughter might need to last her the remaining years of college. "Plus, how am I going to carry all this back with me? Remember the size of my bag? Please, Mom, you've got me tons already."

Renee considered the problem. Bella was right. Stuffing her tiny luggage with all her newly acquired possessions would be a challenge. Not to mention it was past lunch time and she wanted to go back home to relieve Edward of his childcare duty. The boy didn't get enough rest as it was.

"Okay, fine. Let's grab a quick bite and then we'll go back to the house," Renee relented and led them toward the food court.

"So, what exactly happened to Ella's mom? Was she sick for a while?" Bella asked casually as they settled down with their food, unable to resist her curiosity anymore, hoping her voice didn't give away the questionable motive behind her inquisitiveness.

"It's so tragic." Renee looked thoughtful for a while. "From what I heard from Edward's mother, the poor thing was mentally unstable for a while. Especially after Ella was born. She had a real bad case of post-partum and simply couldn't cope. Edward found her in the bathtub one day. Esme wasn't too clear whether it was an accident or not. But I did hear there was some kind of overdose involved."

"She tried to kill herself?" Bella asked incredulously. How could Carmen Cullen want to leave behind a man who loved her so much, not to mention her own baby.

"I don't know for sure, but that's what I've gathered so far. Edward doesn't like to talk about it. Not that I blame him. I can imagine what he's going through. The poor guy. Thank God Ella is too young to remember any of it," Renee elaborated sadly.

"But try and kill herself? I mean she had so much going for her, right? I don't understand how she could do that to her own family, her own daughter..." Bella shook her head in dismay. It was beyond her how anyone could willingly throw away a life that contained Edward Cullen, and a beautiful daughter like Ella, even factoring in the emotional struggles the woman was suffering.

"You shouldn't judge, sweetie," Renee countered. "However strange it may seem to you and me, the truth is we have no idea what she went through.

"Just imagine how badly you're feeling because everyone around you thinks Paul is perfect for you, but you're not sure yet how you feel about him. Now take that bad feeling and multiply it by a thousand, or a million. 'Cause that's how bad it must be when you can't be certain about your own baby, your very flesh and blood.

"I mean, it came easy to me. You were born, I took one look at you and I knew..." Renee stopped, as if recalling the day with affection. "Hell, I knew even before I saw you. I didn't have to learn it from anyone. No one had to tell me. It was just _all there_.

"Then I think about these poor creatures who are out of sync with the rest of the world. Just imagine how terrible it must be when you can't figure something out that everyone takes for granted.

"It's a lot of pressure, honey. And guilt. I can understand that much. So, don't be too quick to cast a stone."

"But how is it fair on Ella? Or Ella's dad?" Bella shook her head.

"It's not fair on anyone, of course. But you can't hold a mentally unstable girl responsible for her actions. I'm sure she didn't _want _things to end up the way they did."

Bella tried to absorb everything her mother was saying. At some level she realized that Renee's argument made sense. And it was also true that she didn't have too keen an understanding of what post-partum depression entailed. But even then she couldn't set aside her conviction that Edward Cullen was just as much a victim as his wife was.

At least Carmen Cullen had the consolation of oblivion. Edward was left with nothing but a void and responsibilities that were meant to be shared between two people.

In her mind, a line was drawn on the sand. And she knew which side commanded her loyalty.

**Thank you Lulabelle98, HeidiJoVT, and Dinx.**

**Let me know what you think...**


	107. Chapter 107

**Where the Streets Have No Name**

**Chapter 107**

Renee used her key to let themselves in once they returned to the Cullen house from their shopping trip. She walked ahead of her daughter and a few steps into the house, she turned around and gestured to Bella to be quiet.

Bella followed her mother's line of vision to find the sleeping form of Edward Cullen lying sprawled on the living room couch. He was gently holding Ella to his chest who also appeared to be asleep.

Bella sucked in a breath as she felt her world shift on its axis once again. The sight triggered the now familiar tremors deep within her core.

She wanted to crawl into the couch with them.

She wanted to put her arms around the slumbering father and daughter.

She wanted - no, _needed_- to be a part of that picture.

So very badly.

Tears of futility threatened her eyes and she forced herself to look away before she did or said something that might set Renee on the right trail to unearth the real reason behind her distress.

That wouldn't do.

She noticed Renee stealthily picking up the receiving part of the baby monitor and tiptoeing her way toward the basement stairs, and she knew she ought to follow.

She tore herself from the spot and made her way to her room, carrying the rest of the shopping bags.

"Good thing Edward is getting some shut eye. Between his work and being worried sick about Carmen and Ella, that boy hardly gets any rest at all," Renee said once they were in the basement.

Bella's heart lurched, but she continued to fold away her newly acquired possessions as if her mother's words didn't have any effect on her at all. At least she hoped she managed to create that impression.

But curiosity was burning like fire inside her and she desperately wanted to know more about him.

About his life.

His days.

His nights.

"He seems really good with Ella..." Bella said casually, hoping to keep Renee talking about Edward without sounding too eager.

"Oh, he really is," Renee confirmed enthusiastically. "Men usually are not as in-tune with kids, you know. It's not as intuitive for guys as it is with mothers. But Edward simply _is_. It's like he was born to be a dad. And a lucky thing too. Can you imagine how much worse it could be for Ella if he were clueless?"

Bella nodded. She had seen the evidence first hand how tender and loving Edward Cullen was as a father.

"It got to be pretty hard on him still. Good thing you're here to lend a hand, But I mean, he must miss his wife..." Bella prodded masochistically, then braced herself for the impact of the information.

It wasn't that Renee never spoke of the Cullen family before; she often did when they spoke on the phone. But Bella's view of things were dramatically different now. The Cullens were no longer faceless strangers to her. They mattered to her in ways she couldn't even begin to explain.

Renee sat down with a sigh, putting away the last of the day's purchases. "That boy is so devoted to his wife, it's just heartbreaking to watch. Of course, I've only been here for a few months, but from what I've seen, it's clear as day how much he loves Carmen. It's like if it weren't for Ella, he'd give up living too.

"Whatever time he isn't working, he's with Ella. I told him that I don't mind getting up at night when she cries, but unless he's covering the night shift, he wouldn't allow me to lose sleep either. He never goes out, or have friends over. I don't even know what to say or do... I mean, his parents call and they love him and all, but it's not like they can encourage him to go out and date," Renee said throwing her arms in the air to express the futility of her concerns.

"It's just so tragic," she added sadly, then sat silently for a few moments. She noticed the pain stricken expression on Bella's face and regretted delving into the morbid depths of reality needlessly.

"Puts all your little troubles in perspective, doesn't it?" she asked lovingly, brushing away a few stray hair from Bella's face.

The baby monitor came to life just then, signaling that Ella had risen from her nap.

"I better go upstairs. Why don't you rest a bit and maybe call Paul. Come and find me afterward. You could play with Ella and help me fix dinner later if you like," Renee said as she got up to assume her charge for the day.

Bella nodded, and waited until her mother left the basement.

Then she climbed onto her bed, burying her face in a pillow to muffle her cries.

Renee wasn't wrong. Her perspective had changed alright. In less than twenty-four hours her world had turned on its head. Part of her wanted to follow Renee upstairs so she could lay her eyes upon Edward Cullen again. The other part knew that putting herself in close proximity with the man would spell disaster.

She remained on her spot, torn and conflicted, until Renee came to fetch her for dinner. Calling Paul slipping her mind once again.

**Thank you Lulabelle98, HeidiJoVT, and Dinx.**

**Just a heads up: I have surgery scheduled this month. It's nothing serious, but I will be out of commission for a while. Hope you'll still be here when I get back. **

**Much love!**


	108. Chapter 108

**Where the Streets Have No Name**

**Chapter 108**

Dinner proved to be a quiet affair and somewhat less awkward for Bella than the breakfast had been. Having plenty of time to prepare, and now holding the foreknowledge of the likely effect Edward Cullen might have on her, Bella succeeded to maintain a semblance of normalcy in his presence.

Ella wasn't present at the dinner table to provide added distraction, having been put to bed for the night, but Edward thankfully kept to himself, asserting a cool distance. He barely raised his head from his food, which left Bella feel relieved and disappointed in equal parts.

She couldn't bring herself to look at him directly, yet she had to wage a battle within to keep herself from stealing a glance every so often. She couldn't wrap her head around the dual urges wreaking havoc in her mind.

Bella tried to focus on Renee's words instead and realized that her mother was asking her a question.

"What, Mom?" she said, cursing herself for letting the facade slide and praying that Renee would not notice how preoccupied she was.

"I was just asking about your return flight, sweetheart. You're flying out on Monday morning, right?" Renee asked.

"Yah." Bella nodded. "Really early on Monday."

"What time's your flight?"

"Seven twenty. I suppose I need to get there by six," Bella answered.

"Hmn, we'll have to plan this carefully," Renee said, looking thoughtful. "Edward, what time will you be leaving for work on Monday?"

"Huh?" Edward, suddenly pulled into the conversation, hastily looked up when he heard his name being called.

"I was just asking when you'll leave for work on Monday morning. I'll have to be back before then after I drop Bella off at the airport," Renee explained.

"Mom, you don't have to drive me." Bella shook her head in objection. "I'll find a bus, or get there the night before and wait it out."

"Nonsense! There are no buses nearby, and you are not spending the night at the airport. We might have to go a little early, but I'll drive you there. So, don't even think about arguing, young lady," Renee laid down the rules decisively.

"But Mom, you won't get any sleep if-"

"No, Bella. I am not letting you spend the night at the airport. We'll just have to clock it so I can be back before Edward leaves. That's it."

"I can take her," Edward suddenly said.

Renee looked at him questioningly as Bella held her breath.

"I have to be at the hospital by six-thirty. I can leave a little early and drop Bella off. That way you don't have to lose sleep or drive around half the night. I'll have to wake up early anyway," Edward reasoned.

Renee looked a little uncertain. Edward's argument made sense. But she didn't want to put him out of his way, nor did she want Bella to feel uncomfortable. While she trusted Edward implicitly, she didn't want to thrust her daughter to be in the company of a stranger that Bella seemed to be a little wary of.

"I don't know, Edward..." Renee said hesitantly. Then she turned to Bella to judge her reaction. "What do you think, honey?"

Bella was petrified.

Edward Cullen had just offered to drive her to the airport. It was undoubtedly a generous gesture.

The problem was, she could hardly be in the same room with him while there was company present. What would happen if she found herself alone with this man for nearly an hour?

Something quite unthinkable.

She should refuse.

But how could she?

"I don't want to trouble you..." Bella began in a small voice, cautiously raising her eyes to meet Edward's and felt the familiar tug in her heart.

_I should say no._

"It's no trouble. At least it's less trouble than what Renee is proposing," he said. Then quickly added, "Of course, it's up to you. There's no pressure."

Bella looked away, making up her mind.

"Okay, if you're sure you don't mind. Thanks."

The baby monitor came to life right then and Edward stood up, beating Renee to the call.

"It's okay, I got it. I'm almost finished anyway," he said as he left the room.

"Honey, you sure you're okay riding with him to the airport?" Renee asked as soon as Edward was out of earshot.

Bella nodded. "Yah. I mean, as long as he doesn't mind."

"Nah, he wouldn't offer if he didn't mean it. See, I told you Edward's a nice kid," Renee remarked.

Bella nodded silently.

Her mother had no idea just how _nice_ she found him. Bella could only hope that she'd be able to keep it that way.

**Thank you Lulabelle98, HeidiJoVT, and Dinx.**


	109. Chapter 109

**Where the Streets Have No Name**

**Chapter 109**

That night, after putting Ella down in her crib, Edward retired to his room. He had work the next day and sleep was a precious commodity that he could ill-afford to lose. As he climbed into the bed and closed his eyes, he found himself pondering the events of the day.

He had met Renee's daughter.

She seemed... _nice_. Albeit troubled.

He recalled her coffee brown eyes and how scared she looked for one fleeting moment in the kitchen that morning.

He wished he knew what was bothering her.

All day, he had tried his best not to dwell on the mysterious predicament that was Isabella Swan. But in the quiet respite of the night, it was far harder to keep his thoughts from wandering into the unwanted alleyways of his mind.

_She's just a kid. What can possibly be so wrong?_

_Has someone hurt her? A violent boyfriend perhaps? Does Renee know?_

He knew he had no reason to concern himself with Bella Swan's problems. She was here to visit her mother and would be gone in little over twenty-four hours. Even if that wasn't the case, it wasn't his place to solicit assistance that was in all probability not wanted or welcome.

Though he couldn't deny that he wanted to.

He had offered to drive her to the airport. He wondered now whether that had been a wise decision. At the time, when Renee told him why she needed to coordinate the early morning hours to see her daughter off, it seemed like the most logical solution.

Then he noticed the shadow of the same trapped look on Bella's face that he had noticed in the morning and regretted his words immediately. She wasn't comfortable in his presence. Yet he had proposed to subject her to his company for a prolonged period of time.

He had tried to let her out of the dilemma, but much to his surprise she had agreed to accept the ride.

He didn't know what to make of that.

He wished he could somehow fathom the depth of her despondent heart and take away all her troubles.

A girl her age shouldn't have to shoulder such weight.

Like he had to.

He didn't have a choice.

But she should.

Why was he even thinking about this girl?

Yes, she was beautiful in a... vulnerable kind of way.

And yes, she was very... attractive.

But that could never have any bearing on his actions, or thoughts.

Even if she wasn't merely a child, even if she wasn't Renee's daughter, there was absolutely no way he could allow himself to think of her - or any woman for that matter - in a non-platonic light.

He was a married man.

He was a father.

Nothing would change that.

Not that he would want to change the past.

Of course, he would do anything to prevent what had happened to Carmen, but the tragic twist of fate that had brought him to this barren landscape had also brought him Ella.

He could never regret that.

Nor could he let foolish hope take root in his heart.

He couldn't ever let himself forget that he had nothing to offer to a girl like Bella.

Not even himself.

**Thank you Lulabelle98, HeidiJoVT, and Dinx.**


	110. Chapter 110

**Where the Streets Have No Name**

**Chapter 110**

When Edward came down to the kitchen on Sunday morning, he was greeted with a surprise. The average morning in Cullen house was usually marked by Ella's cries filling the air. That was when she was at her crankiest. She was an early riser who had little appreciation for the quiet serenity of dawn.

But that particular morning, Edward found her to be laughing instead. Loudly too.

He froze on his track as he observed what looked like a cheerio throwing contest taking place at the kitchen table. Between his daughter and Bella.

Ella was sitting in her high chair, laughing with unadulterated joy the way only a child could, and throwing poorly aimed nuggets of cheerios at Bella's face, some of which the target managed to capture with her mouth.

Bella was reciprocating with equal fervor, only perhaps with a better aim so that the cheerios actually made it to Ella's mouth.

There were cereal everywhere with a few sticking to Bella's hair. And she was laughing with the same enthusiasm and unreserved cheer as Ella.

There wasn't a shred of fear or sorrow in her eyes.

Together they made the perfect image of domestic bliss that he wished he could provide for Ella everyday.

Edward's first reaction was to laugh along with them. It was a hilarious sight. And a happy one.

He loved his daughter, and there was no question that Renee was excellent at caring for her. But neither of them could make her laugh like this.

Whether he wanted to or not, the weight of his guilt seeped out of his pores and tainted the air around him.

He couldn't make Ella laugh, because he had forgotten how to laugh himself.

Yet, Bella could do it with such seamless ease.

He wished he could preserve the moment forever.

But of course he couldn't.

Bella was just a guest. It wasn't her job to entertain Ella, or ensure her happiness. He shouldn't allow himself to get used to such transitory reprieve.

"You don't have to do that," he said.

His voice made Bella nearly jump out of her skin. She hadn't sensed his presence until now, as busy as she was in her game with Ella.

But the unalloyed euphoria was gone from her face the moment she noticed him standing at the kitchen door.

His face betrayed a sorrow that he was careful not to show at the dinner table last night; a mere drop in the ocean of pain he carried inside.

Had she done something to upset him?

_You don't have to do that._

What did he mean by it?

She didn't want to make him sad. Not by her actions or words. Yet it seemed like she had done just that.

She looked around and saw the mess she had made. Stray Cheerios were strewn all around; the floor, the kitchen table, Ella, even herself.

Was he angry about that?

"Uh... I'm sorry, I'll clean it up," she said as she hastily began to sweep away the cereal from the table top. "It's really not as bad as it looks."

It took a moment for Edward to realize that Bella had misconstrued his concern. She looked crestfallen.

He took a few steps closer, contemplating what to say to set her straight.

"No, no. I didn't mean for you to... Look, stop. You don't have to clean.

"I just meant... it's not your job to look after Ella. You're here to visit Renee. You shouldn't... you shouldn't..." Edward fumbled with words.

The sentiment that made perfect sense in his head refused to be defined by words. He wished he hadn't spoken at all. The only thing he had achieved by making his presence known was to ruin a perfectly beautiful moment.

He unbuckled Ella from her seat and picked her up, hoping to steal a few moments of distraction to gather his thoughts. Ella cooed in delight, throwing a handful of cereal at his face for good measure.

"You don't have to play with Ella. I know she can be a handful, and I'm sure you'd rather be doing something else," he said, still unsure if he had worded it right.

The deeply wounded look in her eyes told him that he had not.

**Thank you ****Lulabelle98, ****HeidiJoVT,**** and Dinx.**

**I haven't updated this weekend for the following reason: Those of you who follow me on twitter may know that I'm trying to raise money for a fandom cause called Fandom for No Kid Hungry. We have a dazzling list of authors who are writing for the compilation. You should check it out. The thing is, I started to feel like a hypocrite begging authors to write for the cause without contributing anything myself. **

**So, this Friday, I pretty much shelved my life, including WtSHNN, and wrote a piece for the charity. It's going to be the first chapter of a new story called "Cast Away Stones" centered around World War II, spanning 1943 to 1955. ExB Of course! If any of you are interested in that period of history like I am, maybe it will be to your liking.**

**I digress! Hope you'll consider donating and be a proud owner of the compilation. Some of the best authors of this fandom are writing, including:**

**windchymes (The Blood Lines)**

**Maggie's Gutter (How to Paint a House)**

**Amethyst Jackson (Bonne Foi)**

**Lissa Bryan (Written in the Stars)**

**beegurl13 (Worship)**

**Porcia (In the Shallows)**

**Tkegl (Beyond Time)**

**Kitsu Shel (Parachute)**

**MariahajilE (The War is Over)**

**SexyLexiCullen (Quiet Storm)**

**BellaFlan (Stigmata Tomato)**

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**Edward's Eternal (Snowbound)**

**And that's just the tip of the iceberg. Go check out the site and consider making a donation. **

**fandomcause (dot) info**

**Thank you! **


	111. Chapter 111

**Where the Streets Have No Name**

**Chapter 111**

Bella felt the swirling pain of humiliation shoot through her heart.

He didn't trust her with his daughter.

She was only trying to distract Ella so she'd stop crying. And it was working too. She knew she didn't have the credentials or formal training in childcare, but that didn't mean she was going to let any harm come to Ella.

"I'm sorry. I didn't realize..." Bella spoke with a downcast face. "Mom needed to load the laundry, so I told her I'd keep Ella company. She'll be back any second. I wasn't gonna... I wasn't gonna let anything happen to her. We were just playing..."

Confusion, and then remorse, flashed across Edward's face. He hadn't even noticed that Renee wasn't present until now. Then he snatched Ella away from Bella almost as soon as he got into the room.

Could he possibly muck things up any further?

"No, no. I didn't mean to suggest that you would. I'm sorry, this is all coming out wrong. I just didn't want Ella to be a bother to you. I apologize if I made you think differently. Ella looked really happy. That doesn't happen very often. Especially in the mornings.

"But you're a guest here. This is your vacation... of sorts. I just didn't want you to... uh, feel like you have to_ work_," he said remorsefully.

Bella observed the frantic look on his beautifully pained face and couldn't help but believe him. She still didn't understand his objections. Not really. But it was clear that the prospect of hurting her feelings bothered him greatly.

Why would he be so apologetic about her spending time with Ella? Did he really think the only way anyone would want to play with her was if they were paid for it?

Yes, Renee cared for Ella for a salary, but she loved the little girl too. And she was beginning to understand why. Ella was demanding and willful, but she also had the most spectacular smile that made one forget the hardship in the blink of an eye. She could see herself falling love with Ella if she remained near her much longer. If she hadn't already.

"It wasn't any trouble. Really. She's adorable. I... I didn't think of it as work. But if you don't want me to, I'll respect that. I'll be gone soon anyway," she said. The thought of leaving came with a relief, as well as a pang of regret.

"I know. I just... I thought maybe Ella... I just didn't want Ella to take up the little time you have. She cries a lot. Most people get irritated fairly quickly. I'm... I'm-"

He couldn't finish his sentence as Renee entered the room with a shocked expression on her face.

**Thank you ****Lulabelle98, ****HeidiJoVT,**** and Dinx.**

**And of course, thank you, my constant readers! Where would I be without you? **


	112. Chapter 112

**Where the Streets Have No Name**

**Chapter 112**

"I leave the room for five minutes and you explode a Cheerio bomb in the kitchen? Guess who's cleaning this up, young lady!" Renee said, fixing Bella with a mock glare.

"And you," she continued, addressing Edward this time, "you just joined in the party?" she said, pointing at his head, presumably at the cereal stuck on his own hair.

"And Ella gets the bad rep around here for being messy. Tsk, tsk, tsk."

Renee's admonition brought a much needed ripple of cheer into the room, causing everyone to giggle a little. Including Edward.

Bella decided she liked that. A lot. But it was gone in mere seconds and she was gripped with an inexplicable need to bring it back.

_Damn it! What's wrong with me?_

She shook away the troublesome thought and tried to be in the moment.

"I'm sorry, Mom. I'll clean it up. It looks lot worse than it is. See?" Bella said as she swept away the dry pieces of cereal.

"Yah, this time. But now you've shown her a game she likes, she'll want to throw porridge all over the place next. Who'll clean that up, ha?" Renee refuted, although she didn't seem too concerned since she laughed aloud as Ella collected a stray Cheerio from her father's hair and threw it at her.

Renee reached up to take Ella from Edward's arms.

"Don't be late for work now," she reminded.

Edward was jolted out of the temporary respite as he realized that he had squandered away the carefully allotted seven minutes he had set aside for breakfast.

Reading his face, Renee came to rescue. "Coffee is ready, I'll get you a travel mug to go," she said as she passed the little girl to Bella and proceeded on to gather the items Edward could take with him.

"Here," she said as she passed him a travel mug filled with freshly brewed coffee and a bagel to go with it.

"Thanks, Renee. You're a godsend!" he said as he leaned in to kiss Ella's forehead like he did every morning before he left for work. Only then did he realize just how close he was to Bella physically.

He could smell her; flowery and intoxicating.

He could see the golden flecks within her irises; full of mystery and promise.

_This is... _not_ appropriate._

He flinched away much like Bella did the day before.

_Is there anything I can do this morning that isn't a colossal mistake?_

He turned to leave without making matters any worse.

"Edward," Renee called out before he could leave the room. "What time do you want to leave tomorrow morning? That is if you're still up to giving Bella a ride to the airport."

_The ride. Of course._

"Five thirty should do the trick," he suggested. "I'll be in the kitchen, just come and find me when you're ready," he said to Bella, making sure not to look her in the eye.

He made a hasty getaway after that, with strange and long forgotten feelings fluttering in his stomach.

It was a busy day at the hospital and he threw himself in his work, thankful for the pungent smell of disinfectant that drowned out the memory of the most mesmerizing fragrance he ever recalled smelling. Or the girl connected to it.

It wouldn't do for him to daydream about girls.

No, it wouldn't do at all.

**Thank you Lulabelle98, HeidiJoVT, and Dinx.**

**I am going into surgery tomorrow (yah, I was shocked too. I got the call today!), so this will be the last chapter for a while. I hope to return to daily updates once I get back on my feet, which shouldn't be too long. I may not be online much, but I hope to keep my phone handy. Hearing from you will make my day.**

**Much love...**


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